Things I have been called in the past few days: ‘Labour shagging lefty prick’ ‘Right wing misogynistic c*nt’ ‘centrist pissflap’ Good to see I cover all the bases. Buy tickets to my new live tour @ jonathanpie.com

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Four big comic names have just been announced for next year, and on sale this week! Coming to The Hexagon: @garydelaney.bsky.social on 11 June @jonathanpienews.bsky.social on 30 Sept Coming to @southstreetarts.bsky.social: Tim Key on 14 May Olga Koch on 20 Nov 1/2

Excited to announce A NEW LIVE TOUR! The End of The World According to Jonathan Pie Tickets ON SALE NOW from JonathanPie.com

Farage maintains he has only ever been racist in a respectful way.

One might say Farage is not a good judge of character? Or even worse, maybe he is?

Grok thinks Elon Musk would win in a fight against Mike Tyson.

Brilliant. I felt like standing up and clapping this.

Trump vs The BBC. Love or loathe the BBC, recent events have put the UK's journalistic sovereignty in peril. www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCMn...

Donald Trump approves the release of The Epstein Files. They will be released just as soon as the Tipp-Ex has dried.

Absolutely. He’s not even pissed off enough.

Trump vs The BBC. Love or loathe the BBC, recent events have put the UK's journalistic sovereignty in peril. www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCMn...

When the UK is making plans for a fast-track service to end a person's life, while at the same time cancer treatments are delayed (only 67.9% of patients start their first treatment within 62 days of an urgent referral) - maybe it's time to re-evaluate our priorities?

People on the Left often complain about the BBC being too right wing, while people on the Right accuse it of left wing bias. Now, to me that says it must be fairly balanced. And YES - I have a show on BBC Sounds. But this isn't about me, and I genuinely think it would be a tragedy to lose the BBC.

Well, that's me told.

From here on he will simply be known as: 'That arrogant entitled bellend who is also potentially a nonce'.

To lose one prisoner, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. Actually no, it's an embarrassing level of incompetence on both occasions.

I've been trying to listen to Rachel Reeves' speech, but I keep nodding off. This isn't even a joke. It's physically impossible to stay awake. I might add it to my Insomnia playlist on Spotify.

Pie on Brexit. From Jonathan Pie: Back to the Studio.

40?! In 4 days? That’s 10 a day! Fair play to him, for all his faults, nobody could accuse him of being idle.

Considering he's supposed to be innocent of all accusations against him, this is a very 'HE'S GUILTY AS ALL FUCK' move from his brother.

"I put the star in the star hole. A lot of people can't do that. They try to put it in the hexagon hole. But I put it in the star hole, and it only took me three attempts. I'd like to see AOC do that."

Labour had 14 years to make sure that when they eventually got in, they would make a positive difference. Well look how that turned out. Fuck sake.

"I put the star in the star hole. A lot of people can't do that. They try to put it in the hexagon hole. But I put it in the star hole, and it only took me three attempts. I'd like to see AOC do that."

Thanks but no thanks.

You know when you read a headline and automatically assume it's from The Onion? Then you realise it's from the BBC and have to do a double take...

Hmmm…

It's very interesting how Prince Andrew has gone to such great lengths when it comes to doing everything a guilty person would do, in order to prove his innocence.

Absolutely gutted Prince Andrew has had to relinquish his titles. My heart bleeds for the alleged nonce.

Elon Musk (from January this year).

Starmer's party is Labour in name only. Selling state-wide surveillance as a safety measure. Trading privacy for a pat on the head from Tony Blair. If it was the Tories, we'd riot; now it's just another Tuesday.

My thoughts on Brexit. From the Fake News Tour.

While on holiday last week, I listened to the audiobook of 'Entitled', all about Prince Andrew and Fergie. No surprise Andrew's mates dubbed him 'Randy Andy' - he makes Benny Hill look like Cliff Richard.

The last 14 years would strongly suggest otherwise...

Call Jonathan Pie Series 2 - available on @BBCSounds and other podcast platforms.

What a time to be alive.

This is a Farrelly Brothers' road trip movie that simply has to happen.

Opposing views should be openly challenged with logic and reason, not silenced with the threat of bullets - that way lies a very grim future. Full version here: youtu.be/qsm-x1i7UIk?...

The Death of Discourse youtu.be/qsm-x1i7UIk?...

The Death of Discourse youtu.be/qsm-x1i7UIk?...

I know he said he couldn't sweat, but I'm guessing he's finding out just how much he can shit himself right about now. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Some people are justifying the murder of Charlie Kirk because he said things they don't agree with. "Well he was a big fan of guns so I guess he deserved it" - No. Nobody should be killed for their opinions. Not even the cunts who are of the opinion he deserved it.

No wonder he hasn't commented on the Angela Rayner story...

Reforms plans for our broken eduction system. More money for schools? A recruitment drive for teachers? More emphasis on science and humanities? Nope…you guessed it:

Well. She's resigned. As housing minister AND deputy prime minister. I guess that's that then.

Angela Rayner's interview yesterday seems to have made the situation even worse for her. Has nobody in PR circles learned from the Prince Andrew debacle?

A worrying amount of people in the UK forget this:

This situation is all a tad confusing, but it appears to be legal. However, legality and hypocrisy are not mutually exclusive - especially when coming from the Secretary of State for Housing. Labour has been one of the biggest disappointments since the Hobbit trilogy.