"Check out this baby, from bean to cup in just 10 seconds... How much did it cost? No idea, it just appeared one day and I assumed the pixies had left it."

Salt of the earth, straight-talking, 'I speak as I find' wanker. According to Reform, he said these things "before he entered politics" - so that's alright then.

Not long now. This year's tour kicks off with a few warm-up gigs at the beginning of September. Many venues have already sold out or have only a few tickets left. Book yours here: JonathanPie.com

Grok: "Apologies, this Cybertruck is not as I previously claimed 100% watertight. You are right to correct me on this. Would you like to learn more about submersible vehicles?"

How in Satan's ballbag do you get your account permanently suspended from X these days? Reform's candicate for Makerfield, Robert Kenyon, is not off to a great start...

In these times of great uncertainty, one thing is for sure: I am NOT going to be short of material for this year's Live Tour. Book tickets at JonathanPie.com

Labour: Get your sh*t together! JonathanPie.com

Farage’s crafty crypto fortune. Full version: youtu.be/SqObceUurRs?...

Labour: Get your sh*t together! JonathanPie.com

The Labour Bloodbath Begins! JonathanPie.com youtu.be/83IYfRzlYv8?...

In these times of great uncertainty, one thing is for sure: I am NOT going to be short of material for this year's Live Tour. Book tickets at JonathanPie.com

He truly is a 'man of the people'. I mean, we've all been given a 'no-strings-attached' 5 mil donation from a crypto billionaire at some point in our lives. Leave him alone!

Well I’m sure that went well…

Keir Starmer sees not resigning as taking responsibility. Others (including his own party) see it as blinkered obstinacy. This is a man flailing desperately to dodge a multitude of political knives pointed at his back from all directions. He must be sweating like a bastard.

Childish point-scoring gimmickry. This is the state of politics today.

Farage’s crafty crypto fortune. Full version: youtu.be/SqObceUurRs?...

Nigel’s Dodgy Donations JonathanPie.com youtu.be/SqObceUurRs?...

I don't understand how anyone who supports Reform UK doesn't realise that if Trump offered Farage a job as his official Groom of the Stool (look it up), he'd fuck off tomorrow.

Tickets available at JonathanPie.com

Without wishing to sound disrespectful, Russell Brand really has lost the fucking plot hasn't he? 'Batshit' doesn't even begin to cover it. Batshitty-watshitty?

I don't know what prompted me to post this again. Must be one of those days. Call Jonathan Pie Series 2 - still available to listen to on BBC Sounds and other podcast platforms.

Starmer's Toast. jonathanpie.com www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9-l...

Wait a minute, is this the same Richard Tice who repeatedly called for Angela Rayner to resign over her dubious tax shenanigans? Surely not, because that would make him look like a hypocritical wanker. Oh.

So did Mandelson get clearance or not? None of this looks good whichever way they spin it.

I have to admit, Trump picking a fight with the Pope was not on my list of things to look out for in 2026, but it's really not that unexpected when you think about it.

From my 2024 Heroes & Villains Live Tour. Tickets for my latest tour are available from: JonathanPie.com

What a soul-crushing binary choice. Boot out one spineless disappointment of a Prime Minister, just to replace him with a loud-mouthed, faux pint-swilling grifter who’ll sell the country out to the highest bidder. We’re not just in trouble - we’re completely fucked.

Kanye: BANNED! jonathanpie.com youtu.be/u9YjZcI1PJk?...

Did I accidentally shove a fistful of LSD up my arse or did this really happen?

I'd think this was an April Fool's joke if it wasn't a Reform UK member saying it...

BRAND NEW PODCAST EPISODE 💥 This week Tom Walker @jonathanpienews.bsky.social returns to discuss…. - More BBC presenter scandal - Long overdue changes to ‘non-crime hate incidents’ - The extraordinary price of tapas Apple: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

After some reflection, I’ve realised Andrew Tate is actually incredibly astute. His words have resonated with me and I would like to join the Manosphere. Bitches love me because I can do more press-ups than you and my NatWest Savers account is moderately substantial.

The Perfect Easter gift for all the family. JonathanPie.com for tickets.

My thoughts on the tearing down of statues - from my 2021 FAKE NEWS Tour. Tickets to this year’s tour at jonathanpie.com youtu.be/VA181hnNj3c?...

Some venues are now sold out and others have only a few tickets left. Fuck. I'd better stop watching reruns of Columbo and get writing... jonathanpie.com

Here are some Easter eggs from the 1980's with no mention of Easter on the packaging. My personal favourite was the Lion Bar one. Can we all move on from this now please?

When Reform's Sarah Pochin says here: "We'll do all the naughty stuff", she means pure undiluted racism, free from the gaze of the press. Hilarious.

Keir Starmer today officially announced he would not fondle Trump's balls. youtu.be/iAcgIMDQsog?...

Tickets to my live show at The Hammersmith Apollo in October are available at www.eventim.co.uk/artist/jonat... For all other venues, see JonathanPie.com

He's insane isn't he? I mean actually insane.

This man has access to the nuclear codes.

Full version: youtu.be/iAcgIMDQsog?... Tickets to my live show at: JonathanPie.com

Yes Jacob, but I expect these ladies don't hunt and torture animals for sport.

WAR in IRAN. Tickets to see my new live show at: JonathanPie.com youtu.be/iAcgIMDQsog?...

Call me Mr Bastard, but might I suggest a prison sentence would be more of a deterrent than a fine the consumers will end up paying?

LONDON CALLING! Hammersmith Apollo this autumn. Click Link For Tickets: www.eventim.co.uk/artist/jonat...

From my 2018 tour. Tickets for this year’s tour available at: JonathanPie.com

Research for my new show The End of The World According to Jonathan Pie is going well. Looks to be my most hilarious show yet! Lots of lols. JonathanPie.com for tickets.

Labour has just had a shocking defeat. Meanwhile at the other end of the spectrum we have Rupert Lowe: "Anyone who would rather watch reruns of Mahabharat than Only Fools and Horses shall be deported." What a fucking state UK politics is in right now.