You grow up watching FRIENDS, and you wonder which of the gang you most closely resemble. Am I Ross? Perhaps I’m Phoebe. Could I be Chandler? Or maybe even Monica? Then one day, perhaps in your 40s, the realisation hits you like a slap to the face. You’re Ugly Naked Guy.

And this is why physical media is important.

I’m so sorry about our faces.

Recording our Disclosure Day spoiler special later this afternoon. Hit me up with your questions! DMs only, please!

What a series of Taskmaster that was. Loved them all. I think Joanna Page’s gleeful cackle will live long in the memory.

So, I was on a cruise ship with two of my golf buddies, I think we were going on some kind of a trip. Then I bumped into Scott Aukerman, and we started riffing so well that he invited me on Comedy Bang Bang, but then we all met Sofia Vergara at the buffet restaurant and he asked her on instead…

Wow. Can’t believe Grace Dent and Anna Haugh are the Masterchef finalists, given that they host the damn show. Feels like a pretty disgraceful abuse of power. Surely the BBC should investigate this?!?!?!?!!??!?

youtube.com/watch?v=2T68... With the World Cup just a few days away, here’s the greatest World Cup song ever: Del Amitri’s Don’t Come Home Too Soon, for the Scotland team in 1998, a maudlin masterpiece that basically says, ‘look, we know you’re shit, but try not to be too shit’. It didn’t work.

We’re recording our THE MANDALORIAN AND GROGU spoiler special in about three hours. Any questions or comments? Slide into my DMs like Pedro Pascal sliding into Mando’s armour during his many days on set.

Goddamn Skeletor locked me out of the podbooth.

My hero. My mate. Thanks for everything, Mo.

LANTERNS looks terrific. Yes please.

I’ve just seen a TV advert for a 10pm showing of Anchorman 2, entirely featuring footage from the first Anchorman.

www.thelondonimprovfestival.com This sounds awesome, and is happening next week, featuring the likes of @connorratliff.bsky.social, Ryan Gaul, Suzi Barrett, and improv troupes from across the Pond. Going to try to get to a couple of shows (I don’t have the courage to try some of the workshops!).

not unrecognizable but he does look like if Belgium had a dictator

Tfw you realise it’s Andy Samberg in that Neil Diamond Hellman’s mayonnaise advert.

still not quite over the fact that i watched 15 year olds get sued for millions of dollars for downloading twelve songs and now we all have to accept AI slop because every tech company in the known universe decided that IP laws don't exist now that they're inconvenient for them

Watching Taskmaster. Joel Dommett just did a task where he was brave by having three tiny spiders put on his face. He then claimed he had never had a spider on his face. HE WAS RUNNER-UP ON I’M A CELEBRITY HE MUST HAVE HAD A SPIDER ON HIS FACE I DEMAND AN INVESTIGATION

Hit me with your DAREDEVIL: BORN AGAIN s2 finale questions, folks. Slide into my DMs!

*speaks into tiny recorder* Memo: idea for seafaring prequel to Dude, Where’s My Car?, entitled Moby, Where’s My Dick?

Just read about New Order (and others) being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame today, and it casually mentioned a 1993 Top Of The Pops performance of Regret from the set of Baywatch, featuring The Hoff. And now I’ve seen it, so must you. Regret rien. youtu.be/JfI8pJQbcZQ?...

Everyone’s laughing at Tilly Norwood being deactivated, but not me. I’ll simply treasure her nuanced and heartbreaking performances in DIE, HUMAN SCUM! and SET THE WORLD ALIGHT, not to mention her delightful comedic turn in YOU CAN’T SPELL STANISLAVSKI WITHOUT ‘AI’. She will be missed.

Well, here’s something lovely to start your day: Christopher Cross performing Arthur’s Theme (certified banger, and one of the few worthy Best Original Song Oscar winners), with actual Arthur, Dudley Moore, on piano. youtube.com/watch?v=BIJh...

People who listen to the Empire Podcast: where (and when) are ads showing up in the show for you? Hearing some reports of ads appearing mid-sentence, which should not be the case. Let me know! Cheers, Your Pal, Chris

Reading about the making of John Boorman's Deliverance and you know that scene where Lewis (Burt Reynolds) somersaults into the waterfall...?

Any questions for this week’s Empire Podcast, folks? Maybe go with Easter as the theme. Or don’t. It’s up to you.

It's tight but he is just on

John Leguizamo is still fixing John Wick’s car.

Does it work properly? No. Are the people making it acting in good faith? No. Have they ensured it can't be used maliciously? No. Does it make people's lives better? No. Will it make people's lives better? No. Is it profitable? No. Is it popular? No. Is it harmless? No. The argument for AI.

Me, every time I see a trailer for that TV version of The ‘Burbs.

An alternative method for dealing with rattlesnakes.

Here is a podcast. Ain’t that enough?

So, being open about being a massive fan of something can lead to some pretty good gigs. Only a matter of time before I’m announced as the new writer of AVENGERS: SECRET WARS.

Just watched Martin Clunes pretend to have a wank. And how’s your evening?

“Fuck!!!!” - guy who was looking forward to viewing Disney-licensed OpenAI videos in his Disney+ app, who also poured his coffee on his lap while checking his watch

The greatest. Thanks for everything, Mohamed. Especially this picture.

Martin is a phenomenal writer, and I’m very keen to read this book. You should be too.

I hate it when you’re writing a text or an email and you mean to use an exclamation mark but you’re typing so quickly that you use the question mark instead and it makes you look really indecisive?

Here is a podcast. Ain’t that enough?

Which side of your mouth do you prefer eating with? For me, it’s the front.

Good morning, everyone. Any questions for this week’s Empire Podcast? Have at it. Do your thing. Fire away.

Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland? Have you *seen* Ryanair’s baggage prices? #strongjoke #goodhumour #HappyStPatricksDay #fuckyousnakes

Let me know if you think you can guess where these lines were, once you’ve listened to the pod. Which will be up soon!

Lines cut from this week’s Empire Podcast: “How did we get to ‘Jesus pubes’ so quickly?” “Star of the spin-off porn film, Pop A Capa In My Ass” You’ll never know what you missed.

Hey, everyone! I’m on a panel tonight at the Genesis Cinema, talking about all things FRIDAY THE 13TH, followed by a birthday screening of JASON LIVES!!! It’s an Evolution Of Horror special, so come and join me and Mike and Becky and Stevie Webb! www.genesiscinema.co.uk/event/106843

SEE? All is right with the world again. Take that, wars! Suck on this, death!

A good move from Waitrose - sometimes you have to make the decision on behalf of consumers and stop selling something They stopped selling Swordfish some time ago, because despite looking around the globe they said they could not find a sustainable source for it www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

GHOSTS MOVIE GHOSTS MOVIE GHOSTS MOVIE THERE’S GOING TO BE A GHOSTS MOVIE (can anyone guess what this post is about?)