New for your May Day: I wrote a song about when IT happens. frontalot.bandcamp.com/track/common... And there's a playable RPG music video for it. frontalot.com/loot

Banana Aikido

Me, on reading almost any post by a millennial or younger.

New plan: I'm going to start telling barbers and such people that I'm an actuary. I'm tired of telling people I'm a software developer and being asked "So are you worried about losing your job to AI?"

announcing ILÚVATAR, my multi-billion dollar company which will specialize in the dismantling of all other idiotically tolkien-named entities, that they shalt see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the music in my despite

I apparently cursed myself by replying to this. Came down to the basement (where my work desk is) to discover that the bidet developed a slow leak sometime over the weekend and now the bathroom is a quarter inch underwater.

New Year's Eve, 2000. All my friends are out of town, I'm sitting by myself in the House of Pies drinking coffee and eating pecan pie. At 10 they closed and kicked me out, so I walked around the streets of Houston until 1am and then went home.

As a NY resident, I really need this headline to clarify *which* NY cemetery is full of bees. It's okay, it's East Lawn Cemetery in Ithaca, those of us not in Ithaca are safe.

I had better see a record number of reposts on this.

The first time a therapist explained this to me I got so mad because.... It's 100 percent true.

In a just world, Afroman would get a Grammy and a Pulitzer for this song.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, New York.

“It was a reminder that, despite the hope and promise of this country, many Americans feel they cannot move about their lives freely without being targeted by the very people elected to represent them.” www.thebulwark.com/p/what-lifes...

It's amazing to read the replies to this and realize... Wait... All these stories I remember... Are about the same idiot?

Happy Gary Retrograde everyone! The next two weeks are the only two weeks out of the year when Gary Numan is older than Gary Oldman

I learned more English grammar from my Latin classes than I ever did in any class from the English department.

The neighbors down the block got creative post-blizzard. Please note the detail on the turtle shell!

Wow, this is amazing.

Downcrawl is great, I've loved using it with my group. I've been eyeing Skycrawl, this might be the time.

Locked Tomb Valentines www.tumblr.com/burymeinmelo...

no eres mis casa bonita no eres mis esposa bonita

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

BTW when I say abolish ICE, I mean abolish it entirely and replace it with exactly nothing. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. That's it.

RT if you’ve never had a tab of ChatGPT open, period.

In a subway station today, there was a woman screaming at the top of her lungs about how we all need to accept Jesus and be saved, while everyone went past and the two (heavily armed) NYPD officers just stood around.

From now on, if anyone questions my decisions, I am just going to reply, "I have free will!"

Back in college, there was a diner off campus called the Copper Kettle. Nothing great or fancy, but I was there studying often enough that when I walked in the door, a waitress would put a pitcher of sweet tea at my booth. I could sit for hours and they didn't care, I loved that place.

Like the thing I feel OP is missing is as a journalist I've never had the ability to publish my own story (except when I worked in audio but in my current gig I don't even touch tape). I could write the most accurate gut wrenching story about Minnesota and a newsroom could simply not publish it

repost to give those 2 or 3 followers who always like your weird posts a little forehead kiss & a grilled cheese cut diagonally

As a European im in awe. We needed to breed our leaders for ages to give them Haemophilia, and yall just create one from scratch. Like someone made a pill that turns you into the Kwisatz Haderach.

In the spirit of slaughtering the fatted calf, my child is coming home from college today, so I am using the fancy cheese in grilled cheese sandwiches.

Sometimes, the cats are in prison for cat crimes. But on their side of the fence there is a cat, and on our side, there is none. Who is truly imprisoned, and who is the jailer?

Where can I get a hoop skirt with eight foot diameter petticoats, please?

I'm about to fly from JFK to Atlanta in a few days, how exciting for me.

Was honored to help @chana.bsky.social edit this deep dive compilation of Curtis Sliwa lore gathered over weeks. There is so much jaw-dropping material, we simply could not bear to make it shorter than 76 slides.

There is a large-for-Brooklyn grocery store a block from my house and I treat it like an extension of my pantry: oh, I want to bake something with currants? Off to the store, be back in ten minutes.

one thing I’ve learned over the years is that 80% of people don’t understand how percentages work and the other 30% don’t care

I just started laughing so loudly that my kid in the other room called to ask if I was okay.

As a Muslim living in NYC, this is so moving. Thank you, @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social, for being the person you are.

This is very readable and specific. Thanks for interrupting bathtime to write this for us to read, @davecolon.bsky.social!

As is always the case with this nostalgia crap, "what they took from you" was the feeling of being 12, not any actual thing in the past. (Also, those 1960s, 1970s cars were deathtraps compared to modern vehicles)

The slightly bewildered look on my children's faces when I point out that it's one in the afternoon and they should have lunch: "I have to eat food ... again?"

While cleaning up our Little Free Library I found a book explaining that COVID was an intentional lab leak by the Chinese government. It went in the trash, under some very disgusting used rags, just to be safe.

AI HUCKSTER: "i built you a machine that reads books for you." ME: "can you build me a machine that unloads the dishwasher for me so *i* can read a book?"

I'll buy anything that @tkingfisher.com, @marthawells.com, or Bujold publish. (You don't even have to tell me the title, I've already hit the "Buy" button.) Why do I have to find out about new books from Bluesky? Why isn't there a way for me to just get a "Time to spend money now!" email?

#DnD advice: If your players are gravitating towards a specific aspect of the campaign, don't be afraid to give it more of the spotlight. My campaign is now officially The Adventures of Goblin with a Cool Hat and his Player Character Friends.

They made my existence into an "issue" then complained I'd become a single issue voter

I am currently in Boston (hi Boston!), and I love the city but I don't understand why people here love Dunkin coffee so much.