Lads, Harry Hill is a legend

#BoyDimmer #Blessed #PizzaAndAWank

This is why I'm so good at wanking

I always thought it was a bit weird how the types who froth about the gays ruining the sanctity of marriage never mentioned #MAFS once but it turns out it was their type of traditional you can rape your wife marriage all along

Although largely known for his work with paint, Rolf Harris generally preferred a felt tip.

Disapproving grandmothers used to say of nose rings ‘do you want people to think you’re a cow?’ but have stayed strangely quiet about clitoral hood piercings.

Blue ticks Blue ticks Fuck the blue ticks If you need that validation you're a stupid fucking prick

Post a meme made by you

"Nisi decree you, decree you... NISI"

#MugShots My P&W mug turned up yesterday, so breaking it in. I am delighted with my googly eyed skeletons. Delighted! Edna's sale is still on!

Nice

One year later 🫡

Oh I see we're amplifing the fucking right again Fuck this shit I'm out

If the actor with British accent is evil then you’re watching Sci fi. If the actor with a British accent is good then it’s Fantasy. If the actor with a British accent knocks something over then it’s a Rom com.

Speaking as a BWM any violence that comes our way is fully deserved and any innocent bystanders, such as myself, are fully justified #BetterSafeTheSorry #BWMNotEvenOnce

It's my newest ex wife's birthday today, she's 50 and I don't know what to do or how to feel Got her a card and a present off the dog but nothing off me Just feels weird that six months ago I was looking to start to plan on taking her way for it and now I'm going to 2000 Trees instead lol

STOP USING AI YOU UNCREATIVE CUNTS

Can’t believe no one has uploaded this to BlueSky (that I could find, anyway), but thanks to Popbitch for the heads-up. If you ever wondered what ex-Children’s BBC presenter Simon Parkin is up to these days … (sound on, swearing, etc):

“Hey mister, what you doing?” “Creating a fine spray of water in the form of very small drops floating in the air"

Had to go to the dentist today to get a crown put on. Some people inbreed for generations to get that honor. All I had to do was really love Skittles.

Dreamt Jamie Oliver was arrested for people smuggling

I'm back off my holidays and I frankly need cash money so for the next week there is a whopping 40% off at the P&W store (please) fill your boots I have a lifestyle I need to uphold www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Proz...

You really can block all blueticks on here and lose nothing of value at all #GetTickedGetBlocked

Didn't die! Back in the midlands and now have a stupid fucking long round trip to take father back to the sticks and then back to my gaff because strawheads don't drive on motorways

Getting ready to board, if we crash and die I hope you miss me

Yet to find a bluetick that isn't a block on site tedious asshat

@jenbren.bsky.social had the Jet2 email saying there'll be nay scran on the plane home Father is livid

There's a fella here who looks like a less cunty Gordon Ramsay and I wander around giggling to myself imaging him positively shouting about food This consommé is the tits! Fuck me Fuck me it's good You there, Fish, brilliant! More!

Not quite on that level, but I keep thinking about it and giggling at inappropriate moments:

Sex chair

Unless he's gonna Budd Dwyer get Starmer off my fucking timeline the feckless hotdog suit wearing cunt

I'm very aware of my mental health it almost hospitalised me Still not sure how I got away without a stay on the sticky socks ward mind

I think the UK should just declare itself ungovernable and agree to have a new Prime Minister every year. Then every ten years have a Prime Minister of Prime Ministers where they all compete in a It's a Knockout competition hosted by Gregg Davies and Sue Perkins. Winner gets a car and a holiday.

My advice on Mental Health Awareness Week would be to not listen to people who say “we all feel like this” and therefore downplay your feelings/concerns. Nobody other than you lives in your head. Speak to someone who knows what they’re doing & don’t listen to internet dickheads.

call me charlie kirk the way i’m about to take this shot to the throat

Debating an "I Know" tattoo in Aurebesh if you ever wanted to know how much of a dork I am

Since I drive a Korean car and I'm Welsh, does that make me Hyundai

Why have I not seen any Americans wishing a Happy Mother's Day to Britain, the mother of their nation? 😢🇺🇸🇬🇧🫡

Well we had a good run folks

I'm going down the shops to buy ten fags

Hilary Clinton, Joe Biden and Princess Anne making the most of the all inclusive breakfast buffet here in Tenerife!

@ewacat.bsky.social happy Birthday Sugartits!

yes

Bridge over the river kawaii

No matter what I do on here just remember it could be so much worse

strumming mumford's son's mom like a bespoke mandolin. going tremolo on the pussy until she starts queefing little lion man.

I feel a lot of David Attenborough's hard work with nature preservation is to cover for how much of a mess his brother made of that dinosaur theme park.