See that advert where a teacher is pondering whether to lick the foil lid of a müller yogurt? Back in the 90s when I worked in a factory I’d have a Müller fruit corner with my packed lunch, one day I licked the foil & got a paper cut on my tongue It bled for hours & hurt like fuck!

A few instantly forgettable football or rugby players who’ve played in the Wales or Ireland international squad of their era

I love that due to his atrocious lip syncing Kid Rock is now being referred to as Hillbilly Vanilli

I’m at the doctors so because I have a cold I’m wearing a mask. Fuck me though, I look like the Immortan Joe

Over on threads someone just use ai;dr and we all need to adopt that right quick

Fuck me I feel old. A mate has just reminded me yesterday was the 40 year anniversary of Mötley Crüe playing St David’s hall in Cardiff First ever gig I attended. (First of many, a lifelong passion for live music)

Introduce yourself with the name your parents almost gave you: Rory (My dad was a big Rory Gallagher fan)

Currently being kept awake by cat-snores

30 years ago today me & Mrs Safe went to a work do as friends. then through a convoluted series of events (including turning up at the wrong house party, in time to see a lad spank himself on his own naked arse singing “welcome to the circus, I am the ring-master”) we ended up as lifelong partners

Age verification? I still remember how to clear the cache on Netscape Navigator

Velma grab tickle run in back ten switch frontside ten #LImpics

Happy birthday @visionsofjojo.bsky.social hope you’re having a fab weekend

Watching the CBBC bedtime story & tonight’s is read by the need in tweed himself, Jarvis Cocker

@ridiculousrebecca.bsky.social wahey! Happy birthday

@madstedotcom.bsky.social i bet Newport bitcoin nutter is shitting twiglets

I am a gentle soul... But if I ever meet the person responsible for convincing the streaming companies to play you a trailer for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PROGRAMME than the one you pressed the button to see then I will glass the cunt!

Cheers Drive!

Moonlight Shadow plays loudly in the background.

Hands up if you have to pay extra for your head on Ryanair

I've remembered another early days of covid, proper "you need a letter to leave the house" lockdown working in IT & living closest to the office meant i was the de facto "pop in to switch it off & back on again" dude. i was also the one who had al the deliveries to my house which i'd then drop

hello yes i would like a shitty person to experience a consequence? idk man fucking any of them surprise me yes i'll hold

the villains in neuromancer being a family of gross inbred rich weirdos who want to live forever in space feels a little too on the nose

Couldn’t even have had their wedding in the middle of term time so we could’ve skanked a free day off school. Pair of absolute shithouses

awesome day today. Got stuck in the back seat of my car whilst strapping child into his seat. Door closed on me & they’re child locked. Cricked my neck clambering over the seat into the front Then something pinged off the underside of my car going over a speed bump (probs an exhaust bracket)

The orcas have discovered fire.

in my previous job I used to get home about 30-45 mins before Mrs Safe This one time I got home & found my new shortie wetsuit had been delivered so I obviously tried it on immediately It was somewhat snug, and just as I finally managed to pull the zip past the last bit of resistance as it…

Neil Gaiman trying to sneak out from under his rock while the Epstein files are occupying the headlines. We see you, you dirty auld fucker

For every retweet I will make Zuckerberg’s creep glasses 5% thicker

fucking brilliant. now do Michelle Mone

well, last week was quite the week lads. spent Thurs/Fri both literally and figuratively shitting myself in preparation for a colonoscopy on saturday one metre of camera up my hoop later & i'm pleased to say i probably don't have arse cancer, so that's nice to know

Happy Imbolc / St Brigid’s day Been out for a wander this afternoon. There are signs of spying appearing. I saw the beginnings of Snowdrops and crocuses

billionaire: we billionaires earn our money through hard work and our extraordinary intellects. we are simply more perceptive and insightful than regular people mr nonce: hmllo billi,onirr, wuld u liek 2 visit my sexcrime. Island. ? billionaire: deborah, hold my calls

We went to Skomer island once. You’re told 2 things as you get off the boat: 1. DO NOT interfere with puffin burrows 2. DO NOT lose your return ticket Imagine our disappointment when Mrs Safe’s return ticket blew out of her pocket & went down a puffin burrow

No one's really looking at or listening to you, they're mostly preoccupied with wondering what you think of them.

Essential: Learn to cook, Learn some basic DIY skills, Start doing some exercise Optional: Live on your own for at least a few months, can help you get to know yourself and shows you that there is an alternative to putting up with other people’s bullshit (especially true for relationships but also

Deleting Signal now that I know it's compromised. Find me hunting the legendary beaver at the pool west of Van Horn trading post in Red Dead Redemption 2 online co-op mode

They were still hunting Nazis in their NINETIES & dragging them to court to face their crimes. And all that shit happened in days we wouldn’t even characterise as “analog”, let alone DIGITAL. There will be NOWHERE to hide for these criminals. Nowhere. I can’t fucking WAIT.

Already been covered by @protopigeon.lol but your Reuben sandwich is pretty much perfect Pastrami Swiss cheese Sauerkraut Russian dressing Lengthways sliced gherkin On toasted rye bread

“Suella” and “braverman” added to words muted forever then, is it

“Suella” and “braverman” added to words muted forever then, is it

Got tomorrow off lads! Ok so we had to host a 4 year olds party this afternoon so I feel we’ve earned it, but still….no work tomorrow, beers are poured. Lovely!

This time last night I was on the edge of a mosh pit. Tonight I’ve spent the past hour making party bags All about the Yin & Yang innit

Off out to see Gaye Bykers on Acid, as if the past 30 years didn’t happen

Lads, lads. Just discovered that Mrs Safes mate Natalie’s big brother, Tony, told Natalie that Robert Smith from the Cure only had half a lip which is why he wears the lipstick. Nat believed this for decades

America has become what you get if a "not *all* men" comment became a country.

I can’t find any or those “post a bird” threads so I’m starting my own. I held an owl. Best. Day. Ever!

Facebook has just reminded me how fucking angry Johnny Cash’s version of Hurt makes me. The big bastard

that absolutely depends on what the unexpected turns out to be i mean...i love it when Mrs Safe drops the kid at nursery then comes home with a cheeky unexpected McDonalds. I'm less pleased when i discover the cat has done an unexpected hurl in the bathroom

didn't have Macron down as a Sisters of Mercy fan, but..