[while sipping a honey vanilla chamomile tea and eating a lovely banana bread] i hope they burn in hell

DAD (pounding on the bathroom door): You better not be doing meteorology in there!

I am watching Drops of God and turning from wine lover to little wine freak. I will start naming the notes of even my boxed wines. There is no limit.

Would you use a Diddly What’s-it or a Whovier Cannon?

Pouring one out for guys whose phones only work once a month it must be so hard living like that 🙏

Interviewing politicians is pointless. Interview animals instead. They won't make sense either but at least they're worth looking at

Eating my weight in blackberries

world series game 7 spoiler alert: everyone wins due to the power of friendship

I tried to date a young guy but I said I was gonna pull a Tonya Harding on him and he had no idea what I was talking about

Put a kiss right on my collarbone.

You give me heart palpitations but like in a cute way

I see you reposted me. Is it because your wife is out of town?

It’s actually pretty bad for your mental health to know stuff

They’re a couple.

I put a Parmesan Reggiano rind in my soup. Where is my engagement ring?

The perfect fall day

Can I say I hate it here or is someone going to force me out of my home and execute me in the cul-de-sac across the street?

Do your mental health a favor and turn this on for today. You really don't want to watch this. It is awful.

If this is a fall market, why are my boobs sweating?

Stargazing

Proof of life

Congratulations, I hate you.

This is fixing me.

Just wanted to say hello to all my lovely friends here. ♥️ I miss you and your thoughts and I will try to be better about checking in here.

MY DATE: I’ll have the eggs ME (checking my wallet): maybe order the filet mignon instead?

You think the question is “why do you want to continue to hurt me?” It’s actually “why do I continue to give you access to me?”

New recipe No. 7. I’m cookin.

Clearly [REDACTED] shouldn't be [REDACTED] but if I [REDACTED] then I'll end up [REDACTED]

my therapist: if all of the teenage mutant ninja turtles were dangling from a cliff and you could only save one.. me: [already in tears]

Therapist: Have you been journaling your feelings? Me: *shows Bluesky timeline* Therapist: Oh no.

I wanna ask if you're okay, again

Eating green chile relish for breakfast is the closest I’m gettin to some tongue action.

whaddya say we get outta here so i can put a heating pad on my lower back? 🫦

This weather is hell freezing over because that’s where we live now. 😊

Temp drops to 1 degree Fahrenheit and suddenly that mutual who lives a 5 min walk from you is sending DMs. Cuddle up. It’s cold out there.

Who is the Sleepytime bear married to? A cute-tea 🥹

I’m making one new recipe per week for 2025. Here’s #2

Still in my heartbroken era.

I can't unsee all the things that I've felt.

Here's to not having my heart broken by people in 2025. *me not holding my breath*

A little Sade never hurt anyone.

You can also eat with your eyes

Rest in Peace Jimmy Carter. Tha Carter III was an album that changed my life