Re #cookjan, the only person I cook for now is the toddler, so my ambition this month is to show myself a little cooking love, rather than subsisting on ready meals

im really looking forward to #cookjan, a twitter tradition that's just about survived the move over here here's the explainer from @aliceslater.bsky.social's blog. (and an annual reminder to mute that hashtag if you don't want to see food pics, for any reason).

Have a languages degree, but nothing makes me more proud of myself than interpreting my toddler. He’s been saying ‘baido’ for weeks. No idea. Then on NYE at bedtime, he said ‘It bit baido’ and I guessed at Itsy Bitsy Spider, sang it, and he was thrilled.

Saw an unusual magazine at the supermarket

Fifteen quid for a kilo of mini eggs in Waitrose. STARMER OUT.

my wish for the new year is for stuff to stop happening so much

Pillion has confirmed to me that I could never be a lifestyle sub

2026 goals: get him to look at me the way he’s looking at this awful bottle of wine

You’ll also be rewarded by spending half a day of your Christmas holiday waiting to see the out of hours GP, but never mind

Do the thing. Do it scared. Do it on your own. And one day you will be rewarded with your very own toddler wearing a gruffalo rucksack.

And Tiny Tim, who did knot dye

👀

Ah that's a nice worst kept secret in publishing you have there, sure would be a shame if it was revealed just before Christmas

With Walliams it's important to separate the art from the artist and remember that whatever he's done in his private life, his books are still absolute dogshit either way.

When they say ‘having a child will change your life,’ they mean, ‘don’t take a toddler to central london on Dec 19th.

To everyone on Bluesky finding out about Walliams and despairing at the fact that "I read those books to my kids" I just want to reassure them that it's OK. He didn't write them.

I heard there was a secret meat With paprika, and spicy heat But you don't really care for sausage Nduja ...sorry, I can delete this. I've just seen a few posts in this format and I wanted in.

A step in the right direction.

Just to say, if you know someone parenting a kid alone, especially a small one, see if you can buy a present that the kid can give to their parent. Even take the kid shopping so they can choose. It's not even about the money - the parent might happily pay for someone else to do this kindness.

agree with this and think there's something v telling about people going "ooh but why are you on Bluesky it's irrelevant" - what if I don't really care about being relevant! the vast majority of people post on social media not because they want to be famous but because they enjoy it! just be normal!

I see that Captain Obvious is reporting from the front lines again.

PSA: This is your annual reminder that *now* is the time to buy (discounted) advent calendars, to open during January and especially February. It’s when the holidays are over but weeks of cold and dark still lie ahead that you and your loved ones really need a little daily treat to look forward to.

UK vibes currently

I’m reading a novel about ENM and I have a question. Is it common in open marriages to fuck other people in the bed you share with your primary partner? Because if so, the laundry is another factor that’s putting me off non-monogamy.

♥️

Look, I don’t know what is wrong with UK Christmas markets, but ‘warm fizz’ is something you get served by a man you go home with who doesn’t really drink wine and who finds an old bottle of Prosecco he was once given as a gift at the back of a cupboard, ok?

🌲 THE BIG CHRISTMAS GIFT THREAD! 🌲 If you are a creator or small shop/business, reply to this post with: - pics and a brief description of what you do (don't forget the alt text!) - a link or details on how people can buy I will boost you! Everyone else: buy the cool things! Repost this post! ⛄

what if we kissed at the horny grasshopper cafe....

Why is my fucking boiler broken?! This shouldn’t happen to people with toddlers. I’m cold! He’s probably cold! He has fish pie in his neck creases and I cannot bath him!

I saw a meme last night about a generational divide marker of folks who cannot sit through videos and want the words typed out because they read faster than they can watch a video and I felt that deep in my heart. I'm happy for folks who love video, but I hate them. Give me text. Let me read.

Toddler has found my old Blackberry in a drawer and the combination of him making pretend calls on that and constantly cheersing with his water cup means it’s like living with a tiny businessman in the 80s who’s very busy and likes a good lunch

Every year we treat ourselves to a new decoration or two for the Christmas tree and this year’s additions are just absolutely outstanding Tempted to not add anything else as we basically have a muppet Christmas tree

At the toddler role play, they had clearly not checked how the name of the narrow boat appears from all angles…

The dream is to become old Mrs Barlow who lives all by herself after I marry him, enjoy his money and then he subsequently goes to prison for his tax affairs

Would love to read a @girlonthenet.bsky.social take on the branding decisions behind deciding a product smells of ‘birthday sex’

“Mirek, could you provide a photo of you looking anxious” “Sorry I only have this”

Tax on Gary Barlow

Interesting post. I agree with GOTN’s point but one of the things I’ve learnt since becoming a parent is that, for me, scheduling *everything* is the only way to stay remotely afloat. You shouldn’t have to have sex bc it’s on the schedule, but I can see why some couples might choose to pencil it in.

Putting an out of office on that just says “fingies cold”

Yes; and I want to make a different point. Editors *shouldn’t* be invisible. They should have bylines. YOU DESERVE to know who shapes the stories you read. Editors do that no less than writers/reporters do. Very often, they’re the ones who assigned the piece, not the writer, and who headlines it.

Very confused as to why John Lewis let you filter Christmas trees by occasion(?!?!!) but not by height

okay that’s funny

The quickest way to lose the will to live is to try to make a photobook online.

Absolutely refuse to believe this wasn't deliberate

Delightful

For years I have laboured under the misapprehension that I am a railed in a sundress girl. I am not. I am a railed in a wrap dress on a winter’s evening after a glass of wine in a pub with rooms girl.

I do love a condom wrapper in the wild.