Had to stop in the middle of decorating the tree to briefly traumatise the dog.

“Throw me in a haunted wheelbarrow and set me on fire”

Liverpool PLEASE

As the new permanent host of the Brighton copywriters meet-up, I’m delighted to discover I’m now a Village Elder. Apparently after 2 glasses of white wine I try and offer advice & reassurance to younger writers.

Been having a stressful and yet somehow unproductive week but my boss just called to say I've done a cracking job on writing a client's new homepage so I guess life is worth living after all

You say "AI assistant". I say "uncanny valet".

The way I’ve had annoying skin reactions to both my engagement and wedding rings is going to make for a really hacky metaphor in a personal essay one day

Absolutely certain that not one woman has become safer as a result of trans women and girls being banned from the WI and Girl Guides. Fucking lunacy.

The article explicitly notes WI had had a trans-inclusive policy *since the 1970s*!

The way I’ve had annoying skin reactions to both my engagement and wedding rings is going to make for a really hacky metaphor in a personal essay one day

"Oh, like trademarks and stuff?" No, that's copyRIGHT.

wife got a timer for all of our christmas lights so obviously thinking of this

Always good to start December with a team talk from the boss saying we basically have too much work to do this month so, er, strap in and crack on

you: so how was New York me: they've got cars big as bars you: ... what

Clattering headache which is almost certainly the result of caning the caffeine all morning, so I can’t for the life of me tell you why I think a nice cold Diet Coke will fix me

I'm not sure why the media has suddenly decided it's a crime to lie about the state of UK finances when lies and fallacious analogies to household budgets are the whole basis for the austerity that has dominated and immiserated our lives for over a decade.

Just started season 2 of The Sopranos which means I must once again read this peerless essay on the enduring sex appeal of Tony Soprano: open.substack.com/pub/emmagarl...

rich dudes got freakier after butlers fell out of fashion, like say what you will about having domestic servants but clearly it was some sort of moderating force on old rich dudes having a fancy man follow you around saying shit like "oh dear sir, that wouldn't be very becoming"

In-laws arriving tomorrow at 9am, apparently

She is so profoundly intellectually incurious that I find myself fascinated how she ever learnt how to *speak*.

I find it horrifying how many people support the two-child benefit cap, knowing that it forces children to live in poverty. Sometimes the voters are morally dreadful and you need to ignore them

In wholesome news, our new exec assistant is doing a grand review of mince pies with our PPC Manager and between them they have today discovered a good "session mince pie"

“Do you want me to bring my laptop into the kitchen so you can watch the footie while you’re cooking?” asked J.

Many of you will already have this in your inboxes! Many of you, equally, will not. open.substack.com/pub/inbetwee...

Felicity is turning herself upside down to fit me in.

Look I get you might think this kind of thing is stupid but all it tells me really is that you’ve never worked a corporate job!!

"…caught out using such a nefarious neologism as the quotative 'like'" 1. It's not a neologism: it's a half-century old. 2. Calling a useful linguistic innovation "nefarious" says nothing about the word in question but quite a lot about the letter-writer. The only embarrassment is his ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Boring boring truism but my God, writing really is just rewriting, isn't it

“When the moon hits your butt like a big Pizza Hut, that’s a-Noodle” — my husband’s latest song for the dog, everyone.

Jesus Christ, spent half of last week crying because I was off my meds, now spending half this week crying because of PMS. Is there another emotional response available to me or is this just it

At some point this week I’ll get a new Substack piece out, I swear

Why do I know who Olivia Nuzzi is? I didn’t consent to this

At some point this week I’ll get a new Substack piece out, I swear

Sebastian Stan should have got the Oscar for The Apprentice

The fact that there has not been proper outcry at the transformation of WH Smiths into TG Jones tells me everything I need to know about where this country is at now. I am old enough to remember the Choco Krispies protests of 1998.

Okay, I can't let this one go. I live in Ireland, not the UK, but the use of this image by a supposedly socialist party is so stupid and offensive, I'm going to get stuck in. Let me explain to you why any experienced illustrator/designer could have stopped you making so many miserable mistakes. 1/

Never feel more like an ageing world-weary lady detective who’s been called out to help solve a difficult case then when I’m out in the dark on the evening dog walk brandishing a torch

Therapist just had to pause mid-session because "I've got a new puppy and I've just heard an awful noise upstairs" (False alarm, puppy was fine)

they say our brains are constantly writing stories to give coherence to our experiences. why can’t my brain start writing stories that i can publish for money

Client in fashion retail messaged *this morning* to say they want to change their Black Friday offer and launch two weeks earlier than planned. In my current state, I'm not taking this especially well.

You're at Half Man. I need you at Half Biscuit.

Well Streeting can take Joe Marler’s name out of his mouth for a start

"he can't just wake up and say 'woah what a weird dream'" the guy's lived as a spy for 60 years through the Cold War and War on Terror and his body transforms every decade without warning or comment, a weird dream is the least of his troubles

Thought I was coping admirably then walked past someone busking on actual bagpipes in Worthing town centre and now I want to commit a violent crime

I think at this point I’d pay money to never hear about this lot ever again

Punctuation goes inside the quote marks IF THE PUNCTUATION IS PART OF THE QUOTE. Otherwise it goes outside the quote marks.

First time in eight years I have messed up collecting my next batch of sertraline. Likely can't get to a pharmacy before Thursday. Suspect I'm in for a rough three days.

Watching the first episode of Trespasses and god, Lola Petticrew’s face is just mesmerising

Could genuinely cope with being 3-0 down a damn sight better if I didn’t have to hear Gary Neville’s stupid voice talking about it