In 500 years’ time, they’ll look at social media and say “it was mainly used for racism, piousness and endless, repeated anecdotes detailing tedious interactions with minor celebrities. We have no real idea why a large section of the audience at the time seemed to find this endlessly interesting.”

I see someone off the telly has an award in the name of the empire for campaigning to keep libraries open. So much more useful than actually, you know, funding the libraries. A pathetic rigmarole.

Top tip: if you are confused about "what day it is!!!!!!!!", a simple glance at the calender/diary/phone/tablet/laptop or smart TV will rectify that.

Watching people genuinely confused about "hot as fuck, principled vegetarian like me and trying to get away with not mentioning disgusting, unrepentant racist and homophobe. In these days of the black and white omnicause, people seem to struggle to imagine one with the other.

It’s Christmas Eve, so in the spirit of sharing, here’s a thread I’ve loved this year: my pal Simon sharing the treasure Luca finds while on his adventures.

Middle aged nerds have just all exploded #onlyconnect

I’ve seen this a few times too and it’s absolutely vile. It does not make you A Good Person.

COR.

I do think we have to accept people aren’t perfect or mindreaders. We can’t parse or intuit your every feeling, thought or sentence. Sometimes we get it wrong for the right reasons. Sometimes we forget differences. But villainising everyone who doesn’t “get you” is a recipe for bitterness. IMO.

#nowwatching. I declare Christmas OPEN.

The incredible actress, Sheila Reid, is 88 today. Only British actress to work with Ingmar Bergman and her body of work is just incredible.

I will never stop cringing myself inside out that anyone over 15 would voluntarily call themselves Ned Rock and Roll.

Thank goodness for the “mute thread” option.

One of the joys of non-league football is going off to watch your team play a team from a town you’ve never ever heard of in your life.

I love this letter from a reader on why “we’re not doing presents this year!” is often a miserable, middle class pursuit. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

Boxing fans desperately trying to pretend their sport isn’t just WWF for grown ups.

It’s good to know some issues can still bring people together in unity. Walliams schadenfruede is seemingly universal.

Hold on, women, a FATHER has spoken. A father of girls, no less.

Great thread! 🧵

Just got into my pyjamas. It’s 6.40.

Misogyny has “no historic precedent” says dimmest woman in Britain.

Every year, I think this will be the time we collectively wake up to the societal damage we are doing allowing betting and gambling orgs to get away with this stuff, but…

An absolute favourite of mine.

Watching the Salt Path documentary. Quite apart from the faux hippy compulsive lying and egoism, it really does make that film look appalling.

I cannot believe the framing of this guy. It’s the opposite of the “you shag one sheep” joke. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

A few years ago I was watching The Good Life and got distracted by thinking about Tom & Barbara's record collection, obviously this then led me on to making a playlist. open.spotify.com/playlist/4bI...

Sondheim at the flicks tonight.

Was so scared he was going to get a couple of years and we were going to be lectured on the loneliness epidemic by podcast twats. Twenty years plus. Good.

Sharing these notes again for Jane Austen 250. Had a lot of fun finding Austen quotes for this, perhaps especially Mrs Elton's 'I am doatlingly fond of music – passionately fond'. (Doatingly with that archaic spelling is such a great word; the a makes it more pompous somehow, evokes gloating)

So, 250 years of Jane Austen. I do hope someone thinks to adapt one of her works soon.

Correct.

Very proud of my Mum - an inspiration to all! BBC News - 'Inspiring' deaf runner, 85, breaks parkrun records in Sheffield - BBC News www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Turned off the football and put the Sound of Music on while wrapping presents. Hoping *this* will be time that the sexy Captain chooses the tantalising Baroness which is how it should be.

If you’re in the UK and were born between 1970-1990 you can just go to your GP and get revaccinated for MMR because you may have had single vaccines, which are no longer considered valid. I went & did it this summer. Easy way to help protect yourself & your community.

Zainab sounds very young sometimes. Mum was home late so “dad cooked for me”. She’s a grown adult: she doesn’t need to move with her family and can get her own meals sorted, surely. #TheArchers

This is so lovely. And blistering (in a good way). Re: Wodehouse and similar prizes. I often see lists/extracts and think oh, you’ve not read Sophie Kinsella or Mhairi McFarlane this year then? Many writers writing very funny books and characters with no mentions in dispatches for *some* reason.

I don’t see pop star Jarvis Cocker getting the same sustained criticism and sneers that actor Sarah Jessica Parker did last year when announced as a Booker judge. Can’t think why.

Genuinely deranged stuff. Accusing people who refuse to spend every day attacking a genuinely awful man they knew & have distanced themselves from. Both are men choosing to harass people because “women’s safety”. Neither of them give a fuck about women: the fight is the thing. Despise it all.

Can't find the clip but I remember watching the making of Mary Poppins Returns at the time and there being a sweet moment, described here, when the director Rob Marshall is so overcome that Dick Van Dyke (then 91) is there reprising his role that someone else had to call cut youtu.be/aTrUVU6tpq8?...

More racists falling off ladders please

Had some nice music in my ears this week. Was at Salford studio to hear the BBC Phil play this live. Was v good, but my the Debussy was great. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Tim Montgomerie, Jonathan Gullis and Bonnie Blue promoting Reform in a fortnight. (Insert massive cunt joke here.)

My instinctive response to the news that Bonnie Blue had been arrested in Bali was SO Daily Mail, I think even Amanda Platell may have blanched.

I don't think I've ever seen a sadder face than Simons playing football. He looks like he needs a big old hug most of the time. #coys

Watching people arguing about the grooming gangs inquiry. Almost none of them give the shiniest shite about the girl's safety. I'm including those arguing it was "never about race" as well as the far right goons. And I'm including the journalists in that.

So that was reason for the timing of the Gullis defection.

Medieval Christmas on Composer of the Week, people.