The Bilbao Guggenheim: ❌ 15 hour train from London ❌ pretty but impractical ❌ often has Jeff Koons in it The Thames Barrier: ✅ like 10 minutes on the DLR ✅ saves us all from drowning on the regular ✅ NO JEFF KOONS

Me: yeah I'm into vinyl The vinyl:

PUNCH: Punch Odell Octopus Jellycat. Practical Punch mother substitute. RESEARCHER: No, Punch. You can’t have a Jellycat. PUNCH: Good Jellycat good Punch give beautiful Punch deserve monkey RESEARCHER: Punch, we simply can’t afford a Jellycat. It is an unjustifiable expense PUNCH: jealousy professor

Chatting to a normal hill ski jumper: 'no babe yours is perfect haha, the big ones scare me'

Nice of Bad Bunny to throw a Huorn reference into his halftime show

Literary valentines

who called it Heated Rivalry and not Fuck Ice

. Me 🤝 Paleontologists hyped about 🤝 the skeleton 🤝 Necromancers

Space Marine (watching me play Animal Crossing): Your island is infested with foul mutants. Me: They aren't mutants, that's just what animals look like in this game. Space Marine: I see. (Biskit asks me to give him a new catchphrase) Teach it to praise the Name of the Emperor.

Imagine going with the logo on the left when you could have the logo on the right

The bar is LOW

Delighted to announce my new picture book, a delightful romp about the power of friendship and mild painkillers. Coming soon, THE IBUPUFFIN & THE PARACETAMOLE

Thank u vinted

Bring back 'novelists shilling for dubiously related brand-name products'

Mouse in the split second before a cat's jaws crunch its skull: 'Nooooo! My best laid plans!'

Ah fuck, look what my cat dragged in

The cartoony romance covers might have gone too far

IS NOTHING SACRED

if anything, anime girl figurines predate and are possibly ancestral to warhammer minis. just look at all these mikus

🎵Oh Christmas tree Oh Christmas tree There's so much room where you used to be🎵