Remember folks: if you have any small amount of artistic talent, any sex appeal, or can make your friends laugh, the richest man on earth is crying screaming throwing up because he can’t be you.

“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!”

1980s TV shows in emoji. 🤓🤓 The Two Ronnies 🦉 The Computer Programme ✨ Doctor Who 🦋 Butterflies Can't be arsed to think of any more.

Make that £83k... 😱

He is risen

Anyone got a spare £35k? www.sothebys.com/en/buy/aucti...

Good grief. They're ten years old.

It's that time of year again. Please spread the word. 1. In your weekly shop, buy an extra advent calendar 2. Donate it to your local food bank or food collection 3. Share a photo on social media using #AdventAid steve0566.wixsite.com/adventaid/ge...

SATAN: So what makes you want to work here? Isn’t it a bit of a sideways move for you? ME: Well, sideways and down, haha SATAN: Haha ME: But I’ve been working in the sector for a while, and I feel this is where the action is SATAN: Your most recent role was… ME: Cinema website designer SATAN: Sweet

Happy Fenton Day to all who celebrate. Jesus Christ, fourteen years. youtu.be/3GRSbr0EYYU

500 word prompt: thick goth glasses goth thick boobs glasses boobs and goth boobs boobs goth-

How is this 20 years old?

BBC really burying the lede there

The world’s first trillionaire initiated a move that has left more than half a million people dead, most of whom are children.

Was umming and ahhing about going to this with the eldest ('cos who wants to go to a gig with yer dad?). In the end, decided against, 'cos she's not even heard the records. (And then remembered I saw Lily at Brixton Academy in 2009 anyway, so...) Ff course, all the tickets have been scalped. 🙄

A Lily Allen style album on betrayal and heartbreak but it's about Nick Mohammed at the end of Celebrity Traitors

succubus - female demon that seduces men incubus - male demon that seduces women vengabus - non-binary demon that likes to party

Did a horse write this?

I'm not calling a dating service apparently run by Jimmy Savile.

Thankfully they never made A Nightmare on Elm St Eve.

Someone in a Teams meeting just said “It’s the old chicken and the egg question isn’t it? Why did they cross the road?” then realised what they’d said and turned their camera off.

Not now, truckload of highly aggressive rhesus monkeys infected with hepatitis C, herpes and Covid.

Show this to anyone who swears, "We didn't celebrate Halloween in the UK in the 1970s and we definitely didn't have pumpkins! It's all American stuff nowadays..."

Oh, the grand old duke of york He ██████████████████ He ██████████████████ And he ██████████████████

Would love to travel back to summer 1987 and tell the teenage me that this lad would one day cover The Smiths with a band and do it better than The Smiths*. *Apart from when he forgets the words.

True "Salem's Lot" story - back in 1981, when BBC1 did "a special two-part presentation", one of my friends and I (being big strong and tough boys) decided to convene in my bedroom to watch it. IN THE DARK. Now : the layout in my bedroom - two single beds, in the middle of the room <more>

This. We all need to be better allies. She Who Must Not Be Named and her ilk are monsters and we need to resist their foul eugenicist ideology. Their immense wealth is being used to change the law, endangering the lives of trans people AND anyone who isn’t conformist in their appearance or desires.

👏 "We've lived here all our lives. And I have never felt so unwelcome in my own hometown as I do since your party came into Caerphilly." "With all the rhetoric that you bring in, I have to say to my sons, please don't go there. Please don't do this." "I blame you for that."

Going to travel back in time to 1985 to show people what's in the news 40 years from then.

All a big chuckle to this grotesque fuckwit and these media clowns just lap it up and clap like the shit handed chimps they are.

If you still have friends on Twitter, maybe this will convince them to junk it. The Muskrat openly bankrolling Tommy Ten-Names in the UK courts brings Lord Rothermere and the BUF to mind, only Rothermere wasn't the richest man in the world. Fascism always goes hand-in-hand with obscene wealth.

Schools Television rarely got more spooky than the Words And Pictures with the Witches Of Halloween song and the macabre stop-motion tale of a jack-o-lantern that enjoyed scaring people, but you do have to feel for teachers coping with terrified kids... timworthington.org/2024/10/31/t...

It's that time of year...

Diversity is our strength, no matter what racist, bigoted Republicans say. Real Americans embrace diversity, equity and inclusion. Real Americans reject Trump and his white nationalist cronies. Trump is bad, project 2025 is bad and the people who love America, the real patriots reject both.

Former Head of Comms for the IEA, Annabel Denham, says the super rich will leave if we have a wealth tax. Yes, the very same IEA that brought us Liz Truss’ disastrous mini budget. 🤦🏽‍♂️ Green Party leader Zack Polanski explains that their taxable assets can’t leave. #bbcqt

"We all stand together!"

Okay, I'll do it.

This reads far better in the original German, where of course the discussion would have been about Jews, Poles, gypsies, gays, Communists and Social Democrats. Still, Miller's model for all his rhetoric and action plans is unambiguous.

All the fantasy stuff, really. Have never seen, or felt compelled to see: Game of Thrones The Walking Dead Harry Potter The Hunger Games The Leftovers I will probably never get around to watching The Wire, Breaking Bad, Slow Horses or Succession. In my head, these are all the same programme.

Something something apple sucking an orange something something.

Make America Gangbang Again.

slightly ominous mailer from the Red Cross

New! Cassetteboy vs Keir Starmer. This took absolutely ages, so if you'd like to buy us a coffee at ko-fi.com/cassetteboy we'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

How weird that this should have disappeared from the Telegraph archive...

BREAKING: The Epstein Files just got one step closer to being released. With Adelita Grijalva’s victory in AZ-07, Thomas Massie and Ro Khanna now have the magic number — 218 votes — needed for the discharge petition to force a vote on releasing the full Epstein Files.

Thank you all for the beautiful special birthday wishes especially from my #Playschool Babies who remember the unconditional love and joy I shared with them❤️

CRAP-ture, more like. Amirite? #morelike

It might be helpful if media coverage of The Orange Turd regularly mentioned that he is a pathological bullshitter with hundreds and maybe thousands of demonstrably provable lies under his belt