"hi, I'm a padded package with a book in it" "cool, padded with bubble wrap I expect" "oh, absolutely not" "so instead you're padded with..." "carpet scraps, cigarette ends, and asbestos, yeah" "and opening you might leave me covered in those?" "buddy, I guarantee it."

I hate it when the seppos wake up and it's all J.B. Chickenshit III, Chadley Bumgardener Jr, Flip Dickspangles, Rock Sassy and Randy Weensteener have banned all black people from voting.

I was annoyed that I couldn't find a database of David Attenborough documentaries where I could search for a specific episode by topic. So I made it. attenborough-100.vercel.app

Spotted on Tumblr…

Every Reform councillor who was elected this week is going to go into their first day of work thinking that 80% of their borough's budget goes on giving immigrants pronouns and they're all going to find that every single department is underfunded and slightly reducing the budget will kill people

A NICE THING!!!!!!!!!!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1D9...

The day has finally arrived. You can now *officially* watch puffins live from the Farne Islands, 24 hours a day: bit.ly/4tRz72T Please enjoy these puffins kissing in celebration of this momentous event.

Selection of new releases, hb's from James Patterson and a limited edition of Deathbringer. Pb's from @vaseemkhanuk.bsky.social Quantum of Menace, we've had a couple of people this week collecting orders of earlier titles. And A C Chu, Elodie Harper, @jennycolgan.bsky.social, Ana Huang... #booksky

New Substack day! substack.com/home/post/p-...

I love Neil

I have a lovely book out today, everywhere lovely books are sold. The end! Jxxx

Mad fact... 42% of Labour Prime Ministers have had to fire Peter Mandelson.

I 100% believe this about sports stars and great musicians

It’s a great night for the Leftist chatterati

I can't stop laughing at this post. It's perfect.

New substack day! thatwriterjennycolgan.substack.com/p/yoiks

Might be the greatest opening paragraph of anything ever.

New Substack day! substack.com/@thatwriterj...

Reposts appreciated, last day tomorrow, cheers. x

New substack open.substack.com/pub/thatwrit...

I always speak politely to AI as there is a non-zero chance that this will be a situation in the future:

The first woman in Parliament to appear in the Guardian's 'best-dressed at Glastonbury' feature. You'll never sing that, etc...

when I play make-believe "I have a slave" I like to pretend that I'm a kind master who gives it time off

So much that could be said on the 4th anniversary of the full scale invasion, but it all just boils down to the ultimate admiration for Ukrainians who have endured so much, fought so hard and deserve victory, peace and prosperity. Slava Ukraini!

"Keep your side of the road clean." In a world of dolourous news, all you can do is find one small thing - then try to fix it. And so me and the British Society of Magazine Editors are launching this - to find the next generation of writers AND PAY THEM. Screw you, AI. We still believe in writing.

A romance cartoon for the @theguardian.com

New substack day! Except it went out yesterday by mistake d'oh substack.com/@thatwriterj...

Woman (1990)

This is too much rain and I AM SCOTTISH

I am really enjoying #murderinthefamily on Disney. Seeing bad people actually receive literally any consequences at all for their actions is buoying.

Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus

New substack day! open.substack.com/pub/thatwrit...

The Cracked Mirror is still a mere 99p for the month of January, meaning this deal only has another seventy-eight days to run. www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CKYRHQ4B/

Podcast hosted by Harry and Brooklyn grimly inevitable buff.ly/w12UtLL

#teambrooklyn #teamharry and team anyone else who was thrown to the wolves of the media as a child. TOTALLY AVOIDABLY in Brooklyn's case.

Covers for the new Targets revealed by Amazon @josephlidster.bsky.social @jennycolgan.bsky.social @stevecolewriter.bsky.social @anghelides.bsky.social scifibulletin.com/2026/01/19/c...

Seems unfair that you only get to use the bouncy slide to get off a plane when things have gone wrong. The bouncy slide should be a treat they give to the best passengers who did the flight correctly.

New Substack out today - @questingvole.bsky.social you are implicated xxx open.substack.com/pub/thatwrit...

Every week I look at this and think, charming though they may be, filing those Talking Horse books under non-fiction does nobody much credit. @questingvole.bsky.social , where do you stand on Black Beauty?

We are up to six published novels off this course so far by the way!! So come and join in! Jx

okay but why does an advert for Seasame Street need to be this threatening

It is very much my kind of day in #Edinburgh

no thanks!

@naomialderman.bsky.social @youngvulgarian.marieleconte.com Oh yeah remember that thing we did ages ago and everyone else gave up and some of us got stuck in a hell loop :) :) PLEASE let me now be free pleeease

new substack day!

Too posh to push? Fewer men than ever passing kidney stones naturally buff.ly/bhBLE5N

I now love this even more, although Daniel Craig was totally faking that blank stare, man :)

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i like christopher nolan movies. i like when there's a sad guy and the music goes WUHHHHHHHHHH