The Daily Mash
@the-daily-mash.bsky.social
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The UK's No.1 Satirical News Site
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/
How to lay the groundwork for cancelling on your friends this evening
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2 minutes ago
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Your astrological week ahead for November 22nd, with Psychic Bob
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about 1 hour ago
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Gillian Anderson's acting career succession of ever more challenging wanks
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about 2 hours ago
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We ask you: so did you manage to get anyone before the end of cuffing season, or what?
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about 3 hours ago
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Texting 'I'm on route': Things to make you lose interest in a date before it's even started
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about 17 hours ago
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'Man caves' and other male nonsense women wouldn't get away with
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about 19 hours ago
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Ashes update: 319-7 past 44.4, eight stumps, two wickets, no ducks, cloudless, test
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about 19 hours ago
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Slugs teleport into houses
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about 20 hours ago
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Man thinks he gets a lot of emails
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about 21 hours ago
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Anyone who viewed your LinkedIn profile did so for wanking purposes
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about 22 hours ago
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The Archbishop of Canterbury on⦠Trump, not the best person to be making piggy comparisons
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about 23 hours ago
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āSo we were right all along?ā conclude anti-lockdown twats
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1 day ago
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Wicked: For Good perfectly syncs with The Wizard of Oz, claims stoner
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1 day ago
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Pretty sure I can blame all my shite parenting on lockdown, concludes dad
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1 day ago
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Solomon vs Hinch: A guide for husbands who couldnāt care less
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1 day ago
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Thrown out of pubs, speeding fines and five other occasions where the storyteller is never at fault
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1 day ago
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Man who saw speck of snow buys 23 pints of milk just in case
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2 days ago
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Is this Meghanās strangest moment yet? Because if so, itās not particularly strange
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2 days ago
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Neighbourhood dogs enjoy ātop-notchā two-hour barking session
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2 days ago
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I also was thinking ānipplesā when I met Kate Winslet, confirms King
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2 days ago
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Save tiny amount of money by doing stuff that's a massive pain in the arse, says consumer expert
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2 days ago
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Man who claims āIām a bit of a night owl,ā actually just a lazy twat
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2 days ago
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Why I tracked and killed the seagull who nicked my chips, by Cynthia Erivo
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2 days ago
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āHow much do you pay for petrol?ā: Unanswerable father-in-law questions
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2 days ago
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The five Pornhub videos that tell the real story of the UKās Covid response
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2 days ago
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Hereās your f**king photos of snow you wonāt stop sending, says media
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2 days ago
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āāHow to cope with feeling sad for people who own Ā£2 million houses
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2 days ago
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Female friendships 'exhausting', women confirm
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3 days ago
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Dog canāt wait for owners to come home and see what heās done with the place
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3 days ago
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Trump explains some authoritarian regimes dislike journalists and wish them dismembered
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3 days ago
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Six car stickers for pathetic wankers
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3 days ago
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Gen Z worker on mental health break after getting text that ended in full stop
3 days ago
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Stop warning us about snow in Britain when you mean Scotland, forecasters told
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3 days ago
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Iām the star, and five other Trump boasts about the Epstein files
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3 days ago
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Your profession, and what swearword describes you
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3 days ago
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Why casual racism is a fun and rewarding way for a boy to spend his time: an essay by Nigel Farage, aged 13-and-a-half
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3 days ago
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Is your post-coital behaviour romantic or off-putting? A quiz
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3 days ago
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How we met: Shabana Mahmood and Tommy Robinson
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3 days ago
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Woman realises her entire romantic life has been making herself laugh in front of boring men
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4 days ago
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Pretentious couple convinced they are turning Scandinavian
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4 days ago
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10 fictional characters you're meant to like but are wankers
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4 days ago
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Bridget Jones statue doesnāt look like either Renee Zellweger
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4 days ago
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Revealed: The worst places to live in England, excluding London obviously
4 days ago
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Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious
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Reasons why people get depressed in winter fairly obvious
RESEARCHERS into seasonal affective disorder believe it may be caused by everything being dark, cold and awful for months on end.
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4 days ago
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Iām a professional middle-class woman who smokes shitloads of weed. Whereās my Daily Mail article?
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4 days ago
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Sam Fender, and other artists whose songs are impossible to tell apart
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4 days ago
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Our asylum policy is Nigel Farageās testicles, says Labour, holding them up
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4 days ago
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Nothing more embarrassing than fancying someone
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4 days ago
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Tutor struggling to tell if absolutely dogshit essay is AI
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4 days ago
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Dramatically lower your standards, and five other brutal dating tips
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Dramatically lower your standards, and five other brutal dating tips
NOT having much luck finding love? Here are some brutal dating tips to help you at least get a perfunctory shag.
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5 days ago
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