Well don't I feel stupid

if you're in northern new england and heard a weird sound earlier today it was 600,000 people all saying "we needed it" as soon as the inch of rain started

One of the lesser known dangers of smoking weed is how dry your eyes get: nothing prepares you for how unpleasant eye drops are.

She lit up every room she walked into* *until she was arrested for arson

so it goes

Always chasing the uninterrupted silence of driving alone #haiku #dontbotherme

Finished these up over the weekend. I'm so ready for the first show of spooky season 🧙‍♀️ 🎃 🧶 #knitsky #moonlightmarket #showmeyourknits

Quick question - how do you get out of survival mode when the mere sound of your boss's voice evokes a fight or flight response?

This pleases me. #wip #knitsky

#dnd #rpg #ttrpg #dungeonsanddragons #gaming #dndmemes #mtg #bg3 #criticalrole #gamedev

Here are some nice mushrooms

Word of the Day is ‘snerdle’ (19th century): to stay warm and still beneath the covers for as long as humanly possible.

Words for the Weekend 🤠 Pick your winner ⭐️ A B C D

pun always intended

Picard management tip: It's rarely about you.

Rereading The Eye of the World and Ba'alzamon just told Rand "You live like a beetle under a rock, and you think your slime is the universe." #bestnewinsult #wheeloftime

(take on me voice) 🎶 fuuuuuuck thiiiiiiis shiiiiiit

Maybe the friends we made along the way are the real monsters.

More men with complicated emotions in wrestling (serious) #AEWDynamite

#Hook is SO MAD but also SO APPRECIATIVE that #TheOpps love him so much #aew #dynamite #complexemotions

📸 Photos you can hear (via brainbuster_ on IG)

i hope this email never finds you. i hope you are free

I just always assume people are having a bad day, and act accordingly to not make it worse.

Plastic spoon at work so cheap and so sharp my mouth has hired a lawyer #cerealkiller #haiku #premiumplasticmyass

Weed is a vegetable, right? RIGHT?!?

Perfect for a Sunday 🧘‍♂️

Uhh... So... Not a snapdragon plant like I've been saying ALL summer lol. #mistakenidentity #bloomsky #plantsky #druidshit

Finally have some buds on the snapdragon vines! Planted in early June. #bloomsky #latebloomer #druidshit

Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Put a little meth in the fish. Now you got him. What’s next? Randomized drug test at work. Uh oh, someone needs a new career? Here, take these fish, I have a job for you

RIP Vincent Van Gogh, you would’ve loved posting cryptic song lyrics as Facebook statuses when you were depressed

#Luchasaurus clap clap clap clap clap #aew damn. I teared up a lil bit 🥲

I truly get the worst headaches as an NPC.

since time immemorial

but I don't want to email, I want to hold enchanted objects and scream as they imbue me with their ancient powers

Ever-so-thrilled to have reached 2K followers on this! 😄 Thank you all so much 🙏🏻 So let's start off The Week with...

"Omg you've had that dog since she was a puppy? I just always assumed she was a rescue because of how unfriendly she is" -me, saying the meanest thing I can possibly think of

Philip Larkin said "What will survive of us is love," but research based on previous collapsing civilizations suggests it's more likely to be inorganic items that can be buried, burned, or struck without significant degradation. Likely what will survive of us is ceramic toilets.

people will say life is a roller coaster, but i don't think that's true. it's more like one of those kids rides where they give you a steering wheel to turn, but no matter how you turn the wheel, you keep slowly going in circles until everything stops

Biggest leopard slug I've seen in PA. #gardensky #leopardslug 🌱

Today might be the day for this late bloomer! #plantsky #sunflower 🌱🌻

My weird twisty #cactus is happy to see you. #plantsky #succulents

If you've never made swamp potatoes in a crock pot, I highly recommend it. And if you like spicy food, use hot Italian sausage. My mouth feels like it's gonna walk funny tomorrow and it was so enjoyable.

Where Babies Come From xkcd.com/3127/

My life is like one of those art sculptures made of a thousand chaotic shapes that only looks like a normal person from the narrowest possible viewing angle.

No it's cool they wont even notice, it's really totally fine, babe #beetles #haiku