Ducks are right peas are delicious

Only thing that could make the Seahawks winning the superbowl better is if woody Allen died right after

I’ve shit in places you can only dream of

If you declaw your cat I’m going to claw you

"Ask your doctor today if learned helplessness is right for you"

I went too crazy at office happy hour so they took object permanence from me for a while

I have 8 things checked out from the library right now

Alcatraz Island needs to escape FROM ME

I sure do wish all my friends have a very intact and functioning gall bladder

Back in my day the bottomless pit actually kept the secrets you whispered to it

The man I told to text me to remind me when my period is coming forgot to tell me my period is coming

When you have a house spider, do you name them? My daughter and I had one called Joanna for about a year in the kitchen. We used to catch the dog’s fleas in tweezers & place them directly into her web. She got fat. We’ve a new one in the lounge & we’ve decided it’s called Devin. He keeps falling.

babe i went through your phone .. have you been teaching other girls how to dougie?

it's lowkey lonely being a fly ass white girl 🥀

Can't wait to compare "who worked harder" stats with my parents in the afterlife.

local pizza place went absolutely berserk on the pepperoni tonight

Picking a fight with the moon

One time I met a lady who said she lived in the same neighborhood as Tim Eyman growing up and I asked her how that was and she went “ehh not great”

Ok now I want them to work dunks into the skating programs

I'm in a flow state (peeing my pants)

my relationship with yogurt is so fraught

They’re introducing The Ultimate Chore this weekend

Give some local teenagers $8 and telling them to go apeshit on the Waymo

If the Seahawks win the Super Bowl Seattle will grant the guy who tries to play catch with random tourists on the waterfront legal immunity for an entire year

Despite wide public support for the Millionaire's Tax, 30k people have signed CON on this legislation getting its first hearing this Friday, outnumbering those in the PRO column four to one. It's really easy to sign PRO - do it now!

Getting vibe checked for being mediocre at sports as a child is wild

The DJ lied about us falling in love again

Blood banks should partner with local bars saying whoever donates blood gets a free Bloody Mary

who up sequencing they genes

“There is no hope. See you guys in the mines” would be a beautiful full text for a commencement speech

Adding that thin stripe of wood to the side of the bus like old station wagons had

just drew this dude that i saw in a vision

What percentage of the population doesn’t know how to use a plunger?

I’m scared of Lynden Doors Empire of Doors

If you don’t have a succulent little trans man in your friend group you’re not truly living

My reply guys went on vacation without me

She took my corcle in the divorce

*Me in heaven* Oh your family got you a headstone? That’s nice. I asked mine to get me a park bench near the skatepark. That way teenagers could wipe out trying to clear my bench and I could watch. No yeah it’s been a great return on investment.

Proud of my friend down in LA for continuing to show up for her community through mutual aid efforts. Please donate money to mutual aid efforts in your community if you can!!!

but that was way back when I could still run with scissors

2025-2026 Washington State Legislature House Bill 1218 is like the final boss in terms of being able to follow bills through session

I deleted most social medias and send handmade cards like this one to keep in contact with the girls

In a sensual way In a threatening way 🤝 Biting the mailman

I went into the sewers and the mole people told me you failed to show up for jury duty

AN OLD GUY IN THIS PROGRAM SAID TO ME UNPROMPTED THAT HE HATES ROBERT MOSES. WE WILL WIN

Your honor, what’s the soup of the day?

Buddy even if you get the Sonics back I wouldn’t vote for you

I said "ooh I like your gold necklace" one time in front of my friends and they called me "Covetous Smaug" for months

Today’s embroidery progress

🚨ALERT🚨 The Pike Place Market Historical Commission is meeting next Wednesday, February 11th at 4:30pm to discuss the pedestrianization pilot. Sign up to speak and tell them you like fewer cars. (The motoring enthusiasts are expected to turn out.) www.seattle.gov/documents/De...