lil jon lovitz
@liljonlovitz.bsky.social
📤 12133
📥 265
📝 365
ohhhh nooooooooooo
reposted by
lil jon lovitz
Pasta Fazool
over 1 year ago
Chairs are pretty great. You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.
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lil jon lovitz
mindflakes
16 days ago
Making you a coffee but forgetting to put it in a cup. Just sort of pushing it across the floor towards you with my hands
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me: i think cell C12 is missing the formula for the rest of that column ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills
6 days ago
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[running into the room out of breath] square burrito
about 1 month ago
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when i'm getting ready to toot my little horn and swing my little hammer
about 1 month ago
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getting transformed into a pillar of salt for checking whether the other website was still an online septic tank
about 1 month ago
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check out our top 20 easy-to-make sides for your memorial day cookout! number 12 will bring you to your knees, fists raised to the sky at the abject cruelty of an indifferent god
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
about 2 months ago
you should come over tomorrow - we can open a bottle of pinot grigio and i’ll cook those weird eggs i found
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watching the dude in front of me at the corner market purchase a single buzzball. i wonder what the night has in store for this desperado
about 2 months ago
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my absence at the met gala does not mean i wasn't wearing something incredibly puzzling on a monday evening
about 2 months ago
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lil jon lovitz
Busiaco
about 2 months ago
Why everyone else get to have good items? Why my items suck?
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lil jon lovitz
ceej
about 2 years ago
though frequently disqualified, clown college actually has a very good baseball team
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sick of people asking me "can you see without your glasses" as though i don't use echolocation to navigate, hunt, and avoid obstacles
about 2 months ago
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lil jon lovitz
"max"
2 months ago
(eating a pill i found on the floor of the club bathroom) hope it's a placebo. i don't need any effects right now
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2 months ago
Oh my god. Oh my god babe. I'm on cnn․com and (checks door is closed so kids can't hear) the minions died.
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lil jon lovitz
little lamb
2 months ago
Lady at the farm stand wouldn’t sell me betel nuts because she said I have a child’s soul
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talking about favorite tv shows at a party and seeing how long i can get away with calling it "twin peeps" until someone loses their cool
2 months ago
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lil jon lovitz
/\/ / /< /<
3 months ago
delivered! driver left package in dark hole with water
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inexplicably wearing a beret in all of today's work zooms
3 months ago
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lil jon lovitz
ceej
over 1 year ago
wandering around the house muttering “Whew… Tough day…” and “Sure could go for a cold one right now…” or “Ugh… So thirsty…” until the player controlling me lets me reach into my inventory for a beer
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sean evans wrapping up my hot ones episode: this camera, this camera, this camera, tell the people what you got going on in your life me (cheerfully): nothing. absolutely nothing at all
3 months ago
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i do not in fact "contain multitudes". i contain primarily chicken nuggets and anxiety
4 months ago
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when a dog is wearing a collar with little cartoon bones on it...that is Fashion
4 months ago
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using my powerful intellect to rotate a single chocolate Teddy Graham within my mind's eye
4 months ago
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[yelling over everyone at a politician's town hall meeting] no one has ever actually eaten a ferrero rocher
5 months ago
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me (checking my phone): ok if i fall asleep right now i'll get 4 hours before my alarm goes off my brain:
loading . . .
5 months ago
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
Ben 🏳️🌈
7 months ago
precious moments figurines are funko pops for grandmas
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coworker: man this weekend was wild me (wearing a jean jacket, a little bit louder than is appropriate): OH YEA?
8 months ago
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lil jon lovitz
mave
9 months ago
You know where you won’t see a series of increasingly worrisome headlines? Inside my hollow tree ever since the wifi went out because I chewed through a wire
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
ceej
about 2 years ago
This is weird, but maybe helpful for other folks: I've been struggling with a persistent ringing in my ears for months, and finally scheduled an appointment to get it checked out. The doctor found a tiny experimental noise band in there. Little table full of gear, bunch of cables and everything
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
nose
9 months ago
Sorry I lost your dog, he hit a speed boost arrow & that’s the last I saw him
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my face when [doleful sound of the wind howling through a metal door left ajar]
9 months ago
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
Brendel
10 months ago
NFTs were a bubble, AI is a bubble, but small carvings of large hipped women have remained popular with unsettling lighthouse keepers for 200 years, invest with confidence
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lil jon lovitz
slop enjoyer
10 months ago
the all-new, fully redesigned 2025 homie
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is anybody else's amulet glowing
10 months ago
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[message from your dasher] hey is it cool if i haunt your dreams a lil bit
11 months ago
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person i just met at a party: so what do you do for work? me (wincing): computer,
11 months ago
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
Jason, ex Inferis
11 months ago
At a funeral saying deadass instead of amen
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
josh (oldfriend99)
11 months ago
Hey, the common loon called. Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful
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easy. massive feet
11 months ago
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so tired of leaving my house only to be swooped up by the talons of an enormous predatory bird and dropped on top of a tall building
11 months ago
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job interviewer: tell me a little about yourself me: my bones are sturdy and strong
11 months ago
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always fun to drive past someone emphatically trying to reason with their dog
12 months ago
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amazon delivery vans should play music like the ice cream truck
12 months ago
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reposted by
lil jon lovitz
Chestbursty
12 months ago
Why did so many people I went to high school with become yoga masters 25 years later? Is it because of the Nintendo Switch? Nintendo is making us more serene and flexible and I don't trust it.
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spending a generous portion of today tending to my many Feuds
12 months ago
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[my phone starts ringing] this is just like black mirror
about 1 year ago
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raising funds to open a restaurant that serves exactly one (1) overpriced item and signals your order is ready by sounding a viking war horn repeatedly until you come get it. it’s going to disrupt the industry, revolutionize fast casual, and everyone will hate it so much
about 1 year ago
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showing up to a tennis match with a ball and racquet that are very slightly larger than they should be
about 1 year ago
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