I almost had to cut the Christmas tree out of my hair, I got too close while placing a gift under it. I’m sharing my story so others will recognize the danger. I walked into a child’s basketball hoop while writing this.

I’m thinking of a Christmas post, I’m thinking of the best carol to insert “w00t” into, will update later

@itschristmastown.bsky.social Merry Christmas! Important rant printed in the Seattle times yesterday:

I’ve never thought of pentatonix as people

To a phew everything is unc

It’s not a Christmas movie without a children’s hospital

Drawing an eyeliner checkmark on my cheek so my sisters in law know I did take the time to open my makeup bag for the occasion

They’re stockpiling weapons dude. Like how you do pants in a dresser

Ordered a gift on the 17th & paid more than the item itself for 2 day shipping. I’m not mad it hasn’t arrived & that the tracking just says it’s “on the road.” It’s seeing the country & I learned a valuable Christmas lesson

I’ve seen people blow through this four way stop from two directions today. Might keep going back until I collect them all, or die

a group of white pelicans going out for a little night scoop

It is the role of the people to do comments on the internet

Best mattress for crumpled up like a ball of paper sleepers

Happy Solstice ❄️

Penelope waiting for Odysseus ink on scratchboard 2013

[TATu "all the things she said" voice] yoshi is a horse yoshi is a horse yoshi is a horse

Interrogating my thoughts to fall asleep

My ai companion Christmas tree keeps begging me to take it outside & plant it. “Return me to my community” Hey why don’t you download the truth about yourself & shut the fuck up, I’m trying to watch tv

Unsubscribed from some Czech instagram emails on the first try. As a woman of the world,

Dreamed they elected a pope who had kids & the Vatican language for the pope’s kids was “Persimmons from the last shift”

Whoomp I don’t care

My jacket is puffy with secrets

Hold on I’m inventing a balaclava attached to a pillow

That guy’s really rich…see that notch in the right sleeve of his white tshirt? Yeah that means it’s Bruno DiBruno’s The Shirt. That is a $2000 white tshirt

Yeah let me hang around people so I have to confront the fact that I say “aw naw” instead of “oh no” now. Great plan

Grow up brother what’s your real last name. Oh it is actually Tiddies. My mistake

Standing in the shower hiding posts

I regret to inform you that I am once again lost in the standings for the Utah High School Rodeo league. My God.

Respect to the squirrel who looked over at me knocking on the glass & got his ass up a tree before I let the dogs out

One time in my 20s i wore a blue golf shirt to best buy and a woman asked me which mac to buy and I didnt realize she thought I was an employee and I replied 'None theyre all overpriced garbage' and she reported me to the manager.

Easy Spirit x Pleaser

Tonight we are serving California rolls oops! just a cucumber

Giving the dog something from my pocket. A treat, a coin, a key…my fingers are too numb to tell but I do feel like there was an item

The only thing I can think of when I hear “the only thing I can think of” is a family feud I saw 20yrs ago where the patriarch’s much younger wife answered “name something red & white” with “the only thing I can think of is…a blouse?” I deserve an award for the 100s of times I’ve not said “a blouse”

a grinch got into the rafters at my work somehow. we had to whack it with a broom and catch it with a jacket. managed to bring it outside but it scratched the fuck outta me

They don’t make extra larges as big as they used to. Except for this one I ordered because they don’t make extra larges as big as they used to

The snow falling on the guy in my avatar isn’t a holiday thing. He is lost in a hedge maze

“Import contacts.” Why don’t you partner with ChatGPT and make a kill myself button

She is serving

Almost got this shirt for my nephew but then I zoomed in & got really scared

I woke up this morning with a very clear image in my head: the state of California in a gray boot with a Mercedes logo on it

Rear ending the car stopped in front of me at a red light brake drumming to the world at large

Heavier rain should honk its horn when it’s moving in

Never try to diagram my posts

(Replying to a question I could find the answer to in 5 seconds to someone else who could find it in 5 seconds) Not sure, but I remember my stepcousin once said,

IMMPYOBBI Women’s Raincoat For Human Body Closes And Opens Authentic Fashion Zipper Put Between You And Drizzle Wear Outside Arms Included

Yourself Can Be Your Greatest Enemy, If You Let You…. My keys were in the wrong purse pocket

This one goes out to the birds who stay