My Christmas threat was that if one more unattended child ran past me screaming I was gonna sit them down to watch the CK video

Broken tbh

Am I ready? No. Am I running late? Obviously. Will I make it through today? Let’s find out!

Your auntie Deborah has, once again, bought you a present featuring all the overly aggressive markers of femininity, despite the fact she’s met you on several occasions and – crucially – has eyes.

LMAO just discovered that the revised bin schedule is for it to be collected a day EARLY ie today so I guess I get to keep my recycling until 2026

If anyone would like to put on an exhibition supporting the people of Gaza, my friend Mohamed has hundreds of photos of the farm he is growing in the sands of the al-Mawasi camp after his land was stolen from him

These declines are MASSIVE. And the comparative silence in media coverage is absolutely DAMNING. “Why are ppl always so afraid of crime?” THIS is why. When crime goes up, media trips over itself to report it. Falls to pre-war (!!) levels? Just CRICKETS.

Today was a real Day tbh. Still, at least it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow

Legitimately should sue Google for libel

"Hello brothers, I send you greetings. Please, brothers, whoever is able, donate to my family. I swear I am not well. I read in the news that a new American project will be built in Rafah. This means my land is lost forever. Here are pictures of barley in the sunshine 🌞" chuffed.org/project/help...

Hi, Mohammed's friend here; his internet still isn't working properly. The barley however is going strong, some plants have reached 20 centimeters now. Please share and donate if you can – any amount helps. He's really struggling right now. chuffed.org/project/help...

I’ve put the ska punk Christmas playlist on as a compromise, not that it matters as I am the only mug here now

So I have closed the kitchen for today because my agency budget doesn’t stretch this far, I have rescheduled the Christmas Party to tomorrow with the promise of a free bottle of Prosecco, both the beer and gas deliveries are in the building at least and I’ve pulled the beer through

Yeah he’s in hospital 🙃🙃🙃

Leaving voicemails like “at this point I genuinely don’t care if you’re coming or not but can you let me know either way please”

Chef is AWOL, nothing that I was promised would be done has been done and the lines are still full of water because a delivery that nobody told me about turned up

Just the three Christmas parties booked in and line clean is due and we’re opening at 12 instead of 4, all good, I’m fine

No coming back from this 💀

This year I am thankful that there isn’t a Netflix Wrapped, because not even I need to know how many times I have watched series 5 of Taskmaster

I’d stand my ground and yell back at it and that is why all cats, even Big Cats, will recognise me as friend and let me scritch that little bit below their ears and behind their jaw

Can someone come and dye my hair for me please? I really cba but it needs doing before Christmas 😭

Her name is Joanne Young and she needs our solidarity

CNN: "A soaked tent or a bombed-out ruin: Gazans face a grim choice this winter." Please don't turn away from the suffering civilians. They rely on our donations to survive. Please give to my dear friend Tasneem so she can take care of her children. And to others. ❤️ chuffed.org/project/1587...

A central motif throughout the drug panics has been the specter of predatory drug dealers forcing innocent young white girls into sexual slavery. Swap out “scary young Black guy” with “old rich white man” and suddenly there’s no urgency.

I'm watching The Wrong Trousers and it's bonkers to watch it now, since a provincial museum in the north of England in an animation from 1993 has better security than the Louvre.

RIP Chris

Regular reminder that the majority of the people who dreamed up the stories you love are, like, BROKE broke, and that most of the money spent on their work was given to Some Guy™️ instead.

BBC News: "Israels security cabinet has approved the recognition of 19 new settlements in the occupied West Bank, a move which is illegal under international law"

Every year I am called a Scrooge, a Grinch, a hater of Christmas, simply because I wait until the solstice to light the darkness with a tree and some tinsel and that

Decided to not leave my wrapping til the last minute and allow myself to quit when I got bored as a compromise, got about 60% done before I tapped out

He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake He knows you would taste really good So be ready with your stake Oh You'd better not shout You'd better not cry He's moving to London, he's sexy and bi Dracula is coming to town

This is what I dream of doing if I win the lottery I love him so much

Your annual reminder that if you get this cracker joke and are confused by it, it's apparently because "ffi" is a special character in some fonts and when the typeface is changed to one that doesn't have it, those letters disappear. It's supposed to be "coffin medicine".

We've done some boxing by mistake

I got my boss in Secret Santa this year and went through many options including buying some black market adhd meds as a hint to him to sort himself out. Ended up being an absolute legend instead, for part one of the gift anyway

An absolutely magnificent Freudian slip! 🤌🏼

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” -Mike Tyson

Rare footage of St Paul’s Cathedral testing its giant flamethrower

Early Winter Solstice piece Mari Bringer of Light

It’s the baby pink gloves that really make this pop

The Winter Solstice alignment at Stonehenge today. Photo credit: Nick Bull x.com/i/status/200...

Well done to yesterday me who felt like utter shit with a migraine on top of everything else and called in sick rather than fighting her way into work. Turns out I really needed that rest and now might actually make it to Christmas in one piece

This was my retirement plan

Try to stop this kind of systematic, structural culture of rape and abuse, and you hit a wall of silence and complicity. It is not that everyone knows. But they sure as fuck know precisely what they're supposed to not know.

Here’s an idea: we build a society where people aren’t rich and can’t buy private islands and have private planes

I’m sharing a Palestinian account every day and today is Ahlam. Ahlam has 9 daughters and a son and 22 grandchildren. She has been on dialysis for 11 years- a thing she needed 4 times a week. Today she is having a surgery on a fistula in her leg, she is hoping to evacuate Gaza for better care.

There are worse career prospects in the British press for someone who tries reporting sexual assault in the workplace than for someone pushing great replacement theory. I don't see how you can look at anything going on and say this is an inaccurate summary of the situation.

The system that created Epstein, protected him, and let him thrive for decades, still exists. His market of powerful monsters still exists, and they're still being protected. There is definitely, right now, someone serving the same role he did, being protected the same way by the same people.