Yates's on a Saturday night.

Correct. If the birthdate field contains corrupt or mismatched data, it defaults to 1875-05-20, which serves as a flag. May 20, 1875, is the day the international standards and metrics treaty was signed. Everything is a conspiracy when you don’t know how anything works.

Oh. I forgot to mention. I was murdered today. We had tradesmen in—you know, people with Proper Jobs that involve hammers & knowing things instead of emails & whimsy—and one of them helped moved my TV. As we did, the Robotnik from my Lego Sonic set fell over. "Oh," he said, "your toy's fallen down"

The one thing Facebook is good for is learning which of your high school friends would've given away Anne Frank's hiding spot.

When your husband is getting inaugurated at 5 but you have to kill Roger Rabbit at 6.

It's been a terrible week. A terrible, terrible week. The worst people on earth are full of energy and vigour, the best are defined by anxiety and self-doubt. Here are three simple rules to surviving the next four years, because by God we'll need them iandunt.substack.com/p/a-little-b...

This is Howard. He couldn't decide where to sit. Wound up in two places at once and may require some assistance. 13/10

🚨 People of Norwich! Ad company Wildstone want to install a huge 40' wide digital billboard in our pedestrianised historic city centre. Please get your objections in to this gargantuan slice of dystopia 🙏 - our city is better than this! @adfreecities.bsky.social docs.google.com/document/d/1...

Tragically missing out on the chance to commemorate in drone form the biggest story of 2024 (The destruction of the Cpt Tom Memorial Spa)

Cheesy pineapple, anyone? (It’s how we roll in Ladybird land) Happy New Year 🥂

Sorry, a bit late for you to gather all the ingredients for tomorrow’s menu but hopefully your cooks and maids will do it all. (Menu for the day - 1911)

Geeeeettttt…. DRESSED, you merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay! For it is Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Day!

A full house tonight has relegated me to… the utility room. But handy if I need an ice cream in the night. #duvetknowitschristmas

The memes around this case - which seem to be cohering into a fully-fledged folk iconography - are going to make someone a remarkable PhD thesis. The first chapter could be on this post and the replies to it alone.

🎶 She's making a list, She's all rag and bone, A skeleton horse singing outside your home, Mari Lwyd is coming to town 🎶

The older I get, the more I wonder at those who capture the blunt, angry numbness of grief. Not just the sorrow; the emptiness, the rage. The tiring, tedious business of running on the spot. I wish Brian comfort, and only hope he knows how many people his words will reach, and help.

Peculiar Terrace (painting)

@benjamta.bsky.social it’s not just us…

i’m gonna just watch this at least once a day and i recommend everyone do the same

Maybe because middle class women of a certain age are in a position to call out this shit without fear of losing a salary they need. And can do it on behalf of young women starting out in their careers who are just as sick of this shit but can’t say anything because they need to earn a living.

It’s an annual tradition, a free to download and print for yourself Advent calendar. This year it’s an Aardvent calendar.

If #bluesky is an echo chamber, then let it be filled with the weirdest, nerdiest content! The mummified hand of an executed criminal holding a candle made from human fat was once believed to render a person who carried it invisible. It was called the “Hand of Glory.” This one's from Whitby Museum.

priest: do you take this person to be your shenanigan them: i do priest: do you take this person to be your lawful hijinks them: i do priest: i now pronounce you in cahoots

Please repost (retweet) stuff on here. Once that stopped on Twitter, we comedians didn’t feel the platform was working for us. I know it’s a wank thing to ask to publicise us, but we need it and we publicise loads of other things. Isn’t reposting a comedian better than reposting outrage? I hope so.

🎵 “Come with me, and you’ll see, a world of non consensual masturbation”

@rhodri.biz will we be #duvetknowitschristmas ing over here?

Excruciating barber experience please I sold out of this print a while back, wish I'd made more. I think barbers must have been buying it lol

Just found out Merriam Webster has a time traveler thing where you can see what words entered the English language in the year you were born, I’ve got “death metal” and “lose the plot” which check out www.merriam-webster.com/time-travele...

I don't care how brazen this is: if this gets 20 reposts I'll post about one of the greatest tasks of my Taskmaster series, which would be talked about today as much as the trouser theft/texting/song etc, but which was NEVER BROADCAST ON THE SHOW. Or 10, whatever. I'd probably do it for 1.