One of those nights.

Surprisingly easy to get a gig at the White House Concert.

Tronald Dump more like! I have filled Colbert’s hole perfectly. I hope everyone is saying that about me soon.

Hey, dicks! Wanna hang out together this Saturday night? Great! I’m doing jokes and stuff at The Kings Head, Crouch End, London. Show starts 8:30. Do not approach me or talk to me. wegottickets.com/event/697118

British pubs, cafes, cinemas, clubs, train companies. Your business isn’t “fully air conditioned”. It’s fucking arctic. Look, I want penguins to come round my place too, but there has to be a better way. You fucking heat-wimps.

Goodbye, everyone.

I want you all to call me Leggy Reggae from now on.

Guys! Drugs are so cheap on Temu!

Who remembers Donald Trump?

“I am NOT helping!”

#NowPlaying Grendel - Marillion (Script For a Jester’s Tear, 1983)

Hi, SNL UK! Thanks for following me!

Really restored my faith in humanity today when King Charles granted David Attenborough permission to fuck a monkey. It’s what Britain has needed to see for decades. 😢🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧🙈😘

Say what you like about Lewisham, but they didn’t vote for those cunts. “You live in Lewisham? Eugh! Isn’t that a rough shit hole?” Not compared to everywhere else, no.

Morrissey votes a lot.

“Who are you voting for? Cunt A, Cunt B or Mr Lovely?” Shit. I better vote for Mr Lovely. “Ha ha ha! He was Cunt C all along! He’s always Cunt C!!!”

The Monster Raving Looney Party are looking pretty good right now.

I think British Airways are really getting desperate.

Britain’s special relationship with America.

Jodie Foster will just end up doing this herself.

7:30? That’s too late. I’m sorry.

I agree with Alex.

Well done, Hungary!

Of course, he does. It’s Argos.

I feel seen.

I’m at fucking Port Talbot/The River (Live) by Bruce Springsteen. SHIT!! Only one song to go and I’m still 20 minutes away. This is a nightmare for an intensely anal playlister like myself. 20 minutes short!! I’ll stick a Marillion song on.

I’m at fucking Cardiff/ALTO by Daphne & Celeste.

I’m at fucking Bristol/Let There Be Shred by Megadeth.

I’m currently at fucking Swindon/I’m Your Man by Leonard Cohen.

Hello weekend people, I've put some pictures up on ebay, real art with pastels you can smudge with your own fingers if you so wished.

If anyone would care to “join me” on my journey to fucking Swansea, I’ve made a playlist called To Fucking Swansea. It should just about get me there and every track is a corker. music.apple.com/gb/playlist/...

What a very lovely evening! ❤️💕❤️

We’re still alive. Fuck’s sake. He can’t even get that right.

I just set my alarm for tomorrow, but totally pulled a Stilgoe face.

My neighbour just said to me “Oh, god. It’s like an episode of Black Mirror!” I really hope so. If the ending to this is really boring, I’ll be fine with it.

Only 4 and a bit hours left. Could every single person listen to my podcast before we all go.

Don’t forget! The doomsday clocks go forward tonight.

in persian culture, telling someone "we're going to kill you all" is considered deeply offensive

Who the fuck is in charge of the Oscars and Armageddon? Why are they both on at bedtime?

Can’t believe we don’t get Power Plant Day off.

Can’t believe Democrats and liberals are trying to take the Christ out of Power Plant Day.

Four that are definitely sort of indie

Four albums I love but maybe you don't know them.

Four albums I love but think you might not know.

I don't know your bottom two, will definitely check them out. Here's mine...

Four albums I love but I think you might not know them. Please post yours. unwoman.bandcamp.com/album/of-my-... gracepetrie.bandcamp.com/album/connec... moontoothny.bandcamp.com/album/chroma... bosskeloid.bandcamp.com/album/family...

Four albums I love but I think you might not know them. Please post yours.

Four albums I love but I think you might not know them. Please post yours. (Mine are all sort of indie, but yours don’t have to be)

Fair play, Dublin pub. But my local in Lewisham often says the same.