I changed the names of the A-bombs because I didn't want to sully the names of useful things that actually did their job.

They should call The Felon and his gollum VP "Fat Boy and Little Man" because they are huge bombs and the fallout from their presence poisons the world.

The secret ingredient to this gremoulade? Diced gremlin

can't wait for a billionaire to buy up a video-based social media site and name it Swastiktok

AGAIN. I want EVERY. SINGLE. THING. that has Felonious Orange's name on it wiped from existence like a disgraced emperor. I want there to be faceless statues, defaced coins, and chiseled off names. I want people to spit in the street to ward off evil spirits when someone mentions his name.

When IT happens, it is my desperate wish that we can also retire the word "unhinged" at the same time. Box them up together, plant them deep and never think of either again.

The real question is not "Why is Bluesky so left-coded," the real question is "Why can't the right exist in a social media environment without algorithmic assistance, where people can ignore them"

The Three's Company theme song but sung angrily like a War Haka

All hope is not lost. The rich own it all and never shared it to begin with.

Mr. Cuban, I will sell you my secret method in my book "how to not get constantly knocked down and shat upon by Bluesky, just because you are a rich asshole who thinks he's a populist" for a mere $2,000,000. A bargain at twice the price! In fact, make it $4,000,000 just to be sure!

I haven’t seen any of the Avatar movies but I still hope that in the new one the humans finally manage to kill those awful blue monsters

For Giving Tuesday I am Giving Zero Fucks.

Show the man you're not just a number! Own some original art at low prices!

If there was an afterlife the number of ghosts needed to visit Felonious Orange and his MAGAt SS would cause some sort of Ghostbusters-style rift event.

Target execs, a year ago: We've developed a reputation as a corporation with a conscience. What can we do to change that?

Hire Me. email [email protected]

I’m at the point in my birthday when I think about how great things could’ve been if I had just done every single thing differently.

Classing the men’s room up by putting in urinal creme brûlées.

It’s my birthday. I have been underpromising and underdelivering for 56 years now.

The Citizens United decision has corrupted our government and is destroying our democracy. Here's a way to get rid of it. robertreich.substack.com/p/how-to-get...

CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 1965: 20-1 CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 1990: 75-1 CEO-to-worker pay ratio today: 280-to-1 Trickle-down economics was always a sham. Nothing has ever trickled down.

jd vance hates turkey because the only thing his mom could cook right was meth

Call me Crabbe Bluttmang, Pee Eye

The dog days are over? Ms. + The Machine I think you might have been a skosh premature calling that one.

I think that somewhere along the way something in Stephen Miller got fundamentally damaged. This is neither an excuse nor a mitigating factor; the dude is genuinely fucking evil and he and everything he stands for should be fought against and stopped. But he is something beyond mere sociopathy.

We’re going to smell in a smandbasket.

I’ve been saying that the left must campaign on the platform “status quo ante felon” utterly wiping away every trace of “The Madness of King Orange.” Now I think the goal should be “status quo ante Gipper.” Re-regulate industries and claw back the $$$ that never “trickled down.”

How many Moana sequels do we need to get until we get to see Maui get killed by being crushed in a goddess’ Vagina Dentata?

wishing Mike Johnson a very shit your pants and trip on the carpet

You can’t mush a weighted blanket’s face. Grateful for dawgs.

An open letter to those who got up at 3:30 AM to work on 17,000,000 different Thanksgiving dishes: You will not get into heaven on the number of side dishes you present. You can make three things and a dessert and just be cool about it. Oh but do NOT fuck up the gravy. That's basically it.

is a big part of hosting just moving food and drink from container to container to container

Without farmworkers we wouldn’t be able to celebrate Thanksgiving. Be thankful for their hard work this holiday season! Sin los trabajadores agrícolas no podríamos celebrar el Día de Acción de Gracias. ¡Agradece su arduo trabajo en estas fiestas! #WeFeedYou #Thanksgiving

I have been cooking the same contribution to Thanksgiving dinner for 10+ years and I now have like 5x the mixing bowl selection I had when I started and somehow I still get 60% of the way through and am like damn all the mixing bowls are dirty already

macys parade said italophobia REAL

Happy Thanksgiving to all our brave patriotic ICE agents with their fascist agenda, dad jeans, and right wing death squad balaclavas. I hope you get the driest turkey and never know love ever again.

Thanksgiving pro tip: if you hate your family and you don’t want to start a fight when you’re asked “what are you thankful for?” say “I’m thankful for all of Hugh…(whispered) Jackman’s incredible performances.” Works every time.

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

I saw a picture of Mussolini's body after the partisans got through with it and wistfully thought "someday."

Spoonerisms are my Lang Loveguage.

Remember your favorite creator possibly might be struggling with imposter syndrome and doubt and this timeline sucks.. so if you find yourself thinking “wow I really relate to this persons work” or that persons work gives you joy, you should probably tell them. It’s a hard time to be a creative.

I still can't believe these goddamn fools are trying to get into a patriotism dick measuring contest with a guy who was a combat pilot and an astronaut and space flight commander.

ChatGPT is NOT alive and yet it IS stupid? God’s mysteries confound us all!

Hey Grok, deliver an epic vulgar roast of your shitass owner, a man who has negative charisma. A guy who has so little charisma he's caused an integer underflow IRL and therefore has maximum charisma but only to attract chuds who are equally rancid.

incredibly funny (not the good kind) how c-suite assholes have spent years convincing people that things like unions and living wages will drive up prices. and now that wages are down and unions are weakened, they're raising prices anyway

THIS is the year I finally find out what the fuck a "giblet" is.

“Remove all internal organs, including the entrails, gizzard, and heart. Be sure to scrape all lung material from the backbone. Cut off the head and feet at the joints. Pull the trachea and esophagus from the neck and cavity. Scalding the bird in hot water makes plucking easier.” #HappyThanksgiving

Beware! For this is the season when Der Krumpus comes for those children who listen to bad Hip Hop.