I reorganized my underwear drawer and it looks amazing, like a ghetto Victoria's Secret called Vicki's Knickers

God, creating heaven and earth: "Hold my beer"

I used to open up cans of whoop ass but now I buy them fresh, cage free and organic.

Good start. Now do Burbank PD.

the toaster found out I used to watch Battle Bots and now it's burning threatening messages on my morning slice

Schroedinger's McConnell

Build-a-Bong Like Build-a-Bear, but a social occasion where you practice making pipes and bongs out of everyday household items

If you gave Thomas Jefferson a smartphone to help him write the Declaration of Independence he’d probably be like “holy shit look at all this porn” and we’d still be a British colony

Reminder that the 13th amendment doesn’t actually abolish slavery, which is why our prison population is so insanely high.

Channeling my inner R. Crumb...

If you pretend it’s a screaming robot you push around, vacuuming is actually kind of fun.

Happy Independence Day. The revolution has begun. Party hearty, comrades!

the I-ching can answer all questions ok, how long should I bake these cookies? the summer is wet like a dragon

The Weinermobile has seen some shit...

Happy

Your daily reminder that the revolution has begun. Remember, sometimes things get better. We're used to them getting shittier. Anger is an energy. Don't lose hope.

There is no mountain try, Only Mountain Dew

You can’t own anything physical anymore, everything is digital, you can’t own anything digital now, storage is too expensive, you cant stream anything because they took it off the service once their parent company got bought out, you can’t get a McFlurry because the machine is broken

old time computer fun: "Press any key to continue (except today's randomly selected mystery key)" when there is no such thing as a mystery key, just to keep your users humble

Pronouncing it GWHEE!-llotine so it’s more fun!

Egypt's coach was clearly the High Priest in a previous life

Your daily reminder that the revolution has begun Stay hydrated.

remember: if Turkey wins, Trump will bomb Istanbul

This curious phenomenon was documented by the seismometer at the University of Bergen, which recorded slight vibrations whenever the national team scored a goal. www.wired.com/story/world-...

no major trending hair styles this Cup but most obvious are side-buzz, strapped tarantula, bleach-top, and an honorable mention for cornrows

Remember: Using AI is just proof you don't care about the output, so why should anyone else? If you can't be bothered to create it, we can't be bothered to read/watch/listen/buy it.

Pronouncing Grimace like Versace so the people at this McDonald’s think I’m sophisticated

How many Bags of Holding can a Bag of Holding hold? Asking for a D&D character

un-Happy Fathers day to Trump's two dads.

gurl are you a data center, cause you look like you were voted out of your hometown for being too thirsty

Your daily reminder that the revolution has already begun. And I just need to sit and fucking breathe. Just breathe.

Remember when it was just a dumpster fire and not a constant rain of flaming 40-yard full sized construction dumpsters filled with burning diapers and broken bottles?

Happy #JuneteenthDay! What does it mean? youtu.be/5kLl9dL-owA?...

Your daily reminder that the revolution has begun. It's going to be a party. We'll dance all night. In the morning? We'll pick up the bottles and get to work building a future.

The free and open web is facing a major threat from publishers that are trying to change core internet standards at the IETF. Altering these protocols could harm how we use the web every day. www.eff.org/deeplinks/2...

I sure hope Trump wins this year's KFC 12-Piece Prize

my German friend said I was "the sausage lover" she ever had... I think the translator got something wrong

Your daily reminder that the revolution has begun. Render mutual aid to your neighbors. Stand tall for freedom. We'll work it out. We went to the moon. The fucking MOON. We can do Anything.

There's nothing lower than a dirty scab.

This is your daily reminder that the revolution has already begun. Live in hope. Love in hope. Dance in hope.

Your daily reminder that the revolution has already begun What you do is up to you But a little whimsy helps

MAKE THE MUMMY BREAD DRINK THE BOG BEER FUCK IT, MAKE CORPSE YOGURT AND DOOM PICKLES AND MONSTROUS MARMITE NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE

Your daily reminder that the revolution has begun. Hold on to joy. Hold tight. ✊️

One day soon someone from what the pundits will probably call “Gen BrAInrot” is going to say something to me like “crop to the glooback my dugdugdug! You gell me?” and I will have to seek the sweet release of death.

Your daily reminder that the revolution is already begun The change starts in the heart ✌️

Your daily reminder that the revolution has already begun. We are just manifesting it. There is hope.

Your daily reminder that the revolution is here Solidarity Forever ✊️