If I get a tattoo of Totoro, is it a Tattoro or a Tototat

If there was an afterlife the number of ghosts needed to visit Felonious Orange and his MAGAt SS would cause some sort of Ghostbusters-style rift event.

When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he made lemonade, a 9 inch hunting knife, an AK-47, and a playpen for his pet scorpion. #joke

Capitalists absolutely understand class war. Tech isn’t a way for them to improve or even change the world. It’s merely another gun they can put to the heads of the working class to demand more.

Sleepless in Reno

I think I'm ready for fleece evening wear

FRIEND: how was your Thanksgiving MY WIFE: not good FRIEND: what happened? MY WIFE: *points at me* he tried to carve the turkey with a sword ME: IT’S CALLED A KATANA

TIL that thousands of German teens facing conscription into the Hitler Youth/League of German Girls, said fuck it, I'll be a pirate instead, and the Edelweiss Pirates were born. Their slogan was "Eternal War on the Hitler Youth". Fuck yeah. When the world tries to make you a fascist, be a pirate.

I thought you were a unicorn, but you were only a jackass in a party hat

Let's make this House of Pancakes a Home of pancakes

A root beer so good that it breaks the long-simmering factional divides on the Grand Dad Council and results in 3 decades of sustained lawnwar

My boss was singing "In the service of the Lord" and what I heard was "the circus of the Lord" and boy am I having dialectical orgasms about this metaphor

I've had a chile relleno burrito but never an enchilada burrito.

The boardgame Clue(do) is a Sisyphean nightmare of cosmic horror where a character gruesomely murders a victim in different ways (usually with their bare hands) night after endless night in a manor house from which there is no escape while being pursued by their compatriots.

Abandoned shopping malls are the Roman ruins of our society

Prosperity Gospel but for getting delicious chili dogs.

A triad of visually impared rodents Observe how they perambulate

Got a cortisone shot in my hip and am pain free for the first time in 7 years. I put it off so long because on some level I felt I deserved pain.

What color would the Apathetic flag be? 1) beige 2) grey 3) greige

Watching my favorite Chris Fleming bits to stave off the coming depression

and it seems to me that you lived your life like a plastic walmart bag in the wind

I wish there was a political party that wasn't right, or left, but forward,

Looking back, I think my hip-hop career really took off when I dropped a diss track on Noam Chomsky.

It's post-theater supper time and all I have is a box of Tums

Y'all need to have the same kind of smoke for AI Music as you have for AI Art. Okay? Music is an extremely important part of artistic human expression, and we must not allow it to rot away because 'it sounds just like the real thing' or whatever. Musicians are going through it too. Fuck AI.

I like big tanks and I cannot lie No other comrade can deny When a girl comes in with dialectic materialism and class war is getting hot You get woke

Things I think when surveying the Scrabble board... Is "blowjob" one word or two

Someone's going to get Luigied

It's that time of year...when the philosophers come out of their philosophy sheds and do philosophical things...like destroy illusions

Cool, our nation's immigration policy is now officially "NO FAT CHICKS" 10/10 zero notes 5 stars. Idiot Galoot already set up the "Gas, Grass, or Ass nobody rides for free" system so maybe we should change the national symbol to a 1975 Conversion Van with a sick Wizard Airbrushed on the side.

I've taken to calling the night table made from milk crates my "credenza"...I've just always wanted to use that word

Going to paint my new boat, which I named the Unsinkable Titanic Fuck You Neptune

The Matrix originally arose when all the tech bros were forcibly sequestered in their own AI slop factory by people who just didn't want to deal with those idiots anymore.

Halloween Prize went to:

Great Depression-style hobos, riding the rails and communicating with coded chalk marks.

There must be homeless vampires. They can't all have ancestral castles or clever lawyers who can help them forge identities.

Waymo = cat killer Waymo murdered our neighborhood's beloved mascot... screw those guys

giving everyone in my family a custom calendar for christmas (every month is just a screenshot of my terrible posts)

My nuthouse anniversary was on October 20th...first trip to a mental hospital (1983) #bipolar

every couple of days the official white house website says "we want to kill you. we want to destroy everything you love. we are the living incarnation of death and we shall sweep life from this earth like an unstoppable whirlwind" and its like oh. ok. do i still have to pay taxes

If you see someone taking food...no you didn't

If you are not at risk it is your civic duty to tell these guys they are embarrassing worms if you see them patrolling a supermarket to arrest people that the government is intentionally starving

wendys selling special where's the beef lady frostys now thru halloween! each frosty has some of her corpse blended in

You just don't see as many blimps these days.

Pink Porridge

Competence is rewarded with more work. Incompetence is punished with leisure.

There is no guillotine sharp enough y'all futurism.com/space/scient...

Pumpkin Spice Latte: what if you could drink a Things Remembered

I am Spartacus