New song: I've Fallen (In Love) and I Can't Get Up By the Grateful Dads

Hear me out: blinged out Life Alert pendant for the dance floor

Saw a guy on the bus with a carton of orange juice and an open bottle of sparkling wine, taking a lusty swig of each in turn, like a hobo mimosa

this statue helpfully marks a portal to hell, where the hell-bound can pray to make their reservations for the fiery trip

I only THINK I'm sentient

What’s big and green and scrubs your back? Loofahrigno.

I built a lean-to out of corn cobs and husks and now I’m a corn tent creator.

Jfc, somebody needs to act soon. Beat down the doors and take him away

"Why this isn't a return to Jim Crow, this is James Corvus Brachyrhynchos Esquire! Completely different!" - Asshole racist Republicans

Since giving up alcohol, I've been relaxing in the evenings with coloring books. Being stoned makes it more fun. Why give up treats in life? Why be serious all the time? We're here to play Life. Death comes soon enough.

It shouldn’t need repeating but an “anti-terrorism” strategy that lists “ANTIFA”as a terrorist organization makes you very, very “FA.”

Every news outlet needs to send journalists on the spectrum who have the same trait as me of being unable to let go when someone says something stupid and nonsensical. “We have more bombs and missiles than when we started.” “The fuck? How does that work? No seriously. HOW CAN THAT BE? ANSWER ME!’

Johnny Cash has gone bankrupt, but Johnny Mutual Funds is doing quite well

today's view: Strait of Epstein Gulf of Epstein Epstein Ballroom Operation Enduring Epstein Epstein Test Bruise on the back of the Epstein Diapers full of Epstein Epstein-Coin Melania Epstein Fat Sick Stupid Blubbering Epstein It was all Epstein's fault ...and Trump is a pedophile rapist

I keep repairing my bag of coloring books with duct tape. Eventually it will be all duct tape. Will it still be the same bag? #BagofTheseus

The people in my phone are watching me. Should I put out a tip jar

Scientists Unveil Hemp Alternative to Plastic That Can Withstand Boiling Water and Stretch to 1,600% its Size www.goodnewsnetwork.org/scientists-u... #Science #Sustainability #Innovation #GoodNews

Paranoia is the only sane response to an insane world

I like my women like I like my chicken. Bone-in, skin on.

My new comedy album “Apotheosis of Diegesis: two words that make me seem smart.” will be coming out soon.

my cousin anthony just quit his job at a rideshare company. he’s exuberant

As we know, there is a demon in the center of the Pentagon. The Yippies tried to exorcize the Damned Thing, but failed.

I put the "fun" in "funeral"

Someday the collective rimshots from all the jokes made on the internet will come home to roost and the earth and heavens will be torn asunder.

Top 5 Street Warfare Must Haves for Summer 2026 5. Drone Swarm 4. Tactical Ghetto Blaster 3. Dongfeng-21 Anti-Ship Ballistic Missile System 2. Mobile Suit Gundam 1. A really comfortable pair of shoes

Rap is firmly in the Bardic tradition

We're coming

More red flags than a Communist bookstore

I faint when people are not specific, it's a problem with my vaguest nerve.

Why the fuck do all these billionaires look so fucking weird? Like bug eyed human axolotl, cheap dollar store kewpie dolls half melted by a kid with a bic and a can of Lysol just a bunch of funky ass troll dolls. Bald penus dome noggins bad hair or plugs. Jesus they are all gross.

Can't help but think this could all have been avoided if we'd truly achieved unity amongst punks, skins, and rudeboys.

Grateful Dad: A cover band consisting of middle aged men doing the Dead's oeuvre whilst high on Geritol

songs with corrected grammar: The Only Thing God Knows Is Just How Much I Love You

The magic of San Francisco is the conglomerate of all the dreams of its denizens, past and future

UNITED = UNTIED when we act together, our chains fall

Just took a monster hit and coughed for 3 minutes straight Happy 4/20

A sentence I never thought I'd type: "Columbo is an antidepressant" Lmao

Ada Lovelace failed to consider TURNS OUT NO SHE DID FUCKING CONSIDER THAT I absolutely adore how scholars centuries or even millenia in the past have the slop cultists dead to rights.

Do these mitochondria make my ass look big?

What about German Transcendental philosophy?

Bro misunderstands. This is not the degredation of society. These are the *results.* When the rich and powerful refuse to be restrained by our laws, they violate the social contract and leave people desperate and with no legal recourse. They have fucked around, and are finding out.

and a belated pancake day 4/18/1961 Joe Simmington given pancakes by aliens youtu.be/HvRCdGehqxY?...

okay, here's the thing - I don't give a fuck... really.. I simply don't care who or what or how you are... you be you, I don't care... only thing that matters is what we say, what we do, and how we treat each other

criminals, criminals, criminals, criminals, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS, CRIMINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The boxperson who kept saying "6-7", leading to several incidents at the craps tables, has been *corrected*, as per the guidance of the ghost in our bathroom.

I drove past the Amazon warehouse on San Fernando/ Alger and there was a Firetruck and the smell of burning. I cannot tell you what gleeful stories I spun in my noggin about that you guys. General Strikes, Burn It Down.

To have compassion is to suffer

Got asked today if I was in law enforcement...I was properly indignant Why didn't you guys tell me I look like a narc?