Uh oh. 😱

Wow, I genuinely thought putting my face on the New Year’s Ball would be a delightful surprise for everyone. I did NOT expect the crowds to riot, tear it down, and abandon Times Square entirely. Apologies. 😳

What better time than New Year’s Eve to express my sincerest hope that your 2026 is full of days, weeks, and even months. #HappyNewYear

New Year’s Eve, baby! Super psyched to… go downtown and ring in the new year with thousands of other like-minded revelers at the annual ball drop.* *…stay home, watch three episodes of Diff’rent Strokes, and fall asleep on the couch by 9:15 pm.

It’s been a year, people.

What? No, are you insane? I would never say that. I said, “I like arson daily.”

Friends, Blueskyers, Podcast Listeners… lend us your ears. 👂 We’ll give ’em back at the end of this episode, we swear. 🤞 Anyway, more cozy fun in the @afterlunch.bsky.social Lounge with @michaelmay.bsky.social, @paxholley.com, me and a special guest who just might be related to Pax!

There’s a High Wind Warning for my area all day today and it’s got a lot of people nervous. But I take comfort in these lyrics from Homeless by Paul Simon: Strong wind, strong wind Many dead, tonight it could be you 💨😬

Back to work after having last week off and you know what that means… rewarding myself with peeks at Bluesky at semi-regular intervals. So, be prepared to entertain me, people!

Well I can honestly say, after 35+ years of watching pro wrestling, I’ve never seen a more intimidating figure. I just hope the world is ready for this unstoppable force.

People always ask me how I easily defeat so many boxers both not-real and imagined. I don’t know… maybe it’s because I have the best hand-eye coordination in the biz? 💥🥊

It’s been a very full and happy day over here at the Spider-Cave but I wanted to wish everyone who celebrates a happy holiday. I was bummed to leave the *other site* because of the community we had. So, I’m grateful to have so many pals here. I’d rather have Bluesky Christmas than an X-mas anyway!

I know it’s Christmas Eve, so you may think you’re in the clear. YOU’RE NOT.

If your name is Eve, have fun correcting everyone today. “It’s Christmas Eve!” “No, that’s tomorrow.” “Yes, yes. You got me again. Anyway, Merry Christmas Eve!” “No, that’s tomorrow.” “F*** you, Eve.”

Most of these polar bears are obliviously happy, unaware that they will soon be boiled to death for no other reason than to sweeten your hot cocoa. But one is very aware of fate’s cruel design and prepares a reckoning.

Isn’t it great that we can say “Merry Satsumas” again? (I don’t care if “Happy Tangerines” is more inclusive. It’s SATSUMAS, damnit.) Hoping yours is sweet, juicy, and ripe. 🍊🧡🍊

Stressed? Overwhelmed? Just feelin’ blue? Look at this!

I listened to the audiobook of Richard Matheson’s “Hell House” and followed it up by watching the film adaptation and got to talk to @paxholley.com, @michaelmay.bsky.social, and @shawnrobare.com, about it in the ever-spooky @crestwoodhouse.bsky.social. Must be THIS tall to listen.

🎥🐖🤤

How do you do, fellow ki— Crap, I was accidentally pressing the Shift key.

The # 1 movie when I was 10 years old is how my 2026 is going to go…?

"There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long, ago!" Coming Monday

I guess my hilarious posts are finally catching on because I’ve been picking up a bunch of followers lately. Let’s take a look…

Hell to freeze over…? 🤷‍♂️

It’s one week until Christmas! Are you fully prepared? Do you have: Giraffe scrotum Marshmallows (for the gravy) A textile mill Loch Ness Monster Candied gravel Double-jointed ankles Pink seismograph (with glitter) Can of whimsy (15.5 oz) There’s still time. But don’t wait until the last minute!

Search your camera roll for “Hell”

“I just wanted to apologize for being the biggest hemorrhoid who ever lived for my entire life but especially as your president. I really bungled it, didn’t I? So, I’m retiring and appointing AOC to take over. And now back to a very special NCIS: Dubuque.” 🤞 What I hope he says tonight 🤞

This time of year always brings back memories for me.

She kept insisting it’s pronounced “Gar-GELL,” but come on.

Uvula’s a lovely person and an amazing scene partner but she went full method for this role, pawing at the ground, leaving scat all over the set, etc. 🙄

Halfway through December and no Hallmark Channel holiday rom-com starring yours truly? (Of course, they’re so popular and beloved, they call them “Rob-coms” over there.) Fear not! Tune in this Friday for your cinematic Christmas present!

If you see this, we IMPLORE you to post a picture from whatever device you’re using without explanation.

Hey, remember when @afterlunch.bsky.social recently released an episode with @michaelmay.bsky.social, @makewistful.com, and I talking about A Christmas Carol (1954)? No? Oh. Well, we did. And here we have all gathered in the @adventcalendar.house to talk about A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004)!

Fun, laughter, merriment, and creativity were had in this holiday edition of @afterlunch.bsky.social with @michaelmay.bsky.social, @theycallmedigio.bsky.social, @cmdrsue.bsky.social, and me. We each mashed up two Christmas specials into NEW Christmas specials. How’d we do? Listen to find out!

All right, who let RFK Jr. take care of the reindeer?

If you see this, post a comics cover you love.

The news that @classicfilmjerks.bsky.social has recorded a brand new Christmas episode with @bizarrojimmyolsen.bsky.social, @sommerjam.bsky.social, and @theycallmedigio.bsky.social gives me a lot of feelings, best expressed by the collage presented here.

Sleigh bells ring…

Two people, so enraptured by their delicious snacks, don’t see one another and collide while walking down the street: “You got boiled cabbage in my puréed turnips!" "No, YOU got puréed turnips all over my boiled cabbage!" *They taste the result* (in unison) "WE'RE GONNA BE RICH!!!"

It’s a Sweet ‘n’ Savory Sixteen episode. 🍫🥜🧈

Stalwart podcasters @michaelmay.bsky.social, @theycallmedigio.bsky.social, @cmdrsue.bsky.social, and I are recording an episode tonight for @afterlunch.bsky.social and this GIF is a hint as to its theme. But not food. And with a Christmas twist. But not— just listen to it when it comes out, OK?

As a dance instructor, I feel it's my job to shout "Shake it! I SAID SHAKE IT, DAMN YOU!" every couple minutes, whether they're shaking it or not. 💃🕺

I had a Ver-r-r-r-y Mer-r-r-r-y time talking to @michaelmay.bsky.social and @makewistful.com about this adaptation of A Christmas Carol. If you’d like to watch it, I recommend this version as it includes the awkward opening and ironic Chrysler commercials. youtu.be/U6cxF3i4tUI?...

My cousin wants me to pay for his emergency dental procedure just because he happened to break his tooth during a Christmas party at my house. But I didn’t make him bite down on a hard piece of birch wood! And I told him it was a Yule log after I frosted it handed it to him on a plate! #AITA 🤷‍♂️

@theycallmedigio.bsky.social This, but substitute “DiGio” for “Paulie.” 🥳🎂🎉🤖

You know that thing where a huge snowman keeps photobombing your selfies but you finally get away from him and successfully take the pic— He’s right behind me, isn’t he.

I’m beyond thrilled and honored to accept the first NASCAR John von Neumann Lecture Prize for Applied Mathematics. *spits wad of chaw onto abacus*

This article (which I didn’t read) made me sad because it reminded people are actually in the Metaverse everyday. And this shift in spending might make them leave and spend more time with the rest of us.

A guy came up to me, looked me right in the eyes, and said, “You are one hot tamale, my friend.” It seemed a bit self-serving, since it was just my reflection in the bathroom mirror, but I’ll take it. Thanks, Mirror-Me. Hope you’re having a terrific day in Backwards Land. 🙌

It's important for your morning to set the tone for the rest of your day. That's why I make sure to win the lottery each and every morning. My mood brightens considerably and the rest of my day is a breeze. Give it a try!