the idea that it would’ve taken some special insight to be suspicious of Nuzzi’s reporting is so funny

DENTAL PLAN

This is an all-timer

😃😃😃I have a corner case that is not covered by the phone tree or any of the six things the representative is trained on 😃😃😃

Oh come the fuck on LBJ absolutely would have

Walking around with a weighted blanket draped over my shoulders, as my new character “Anxiety James Brown”

They’re saying from each according to his ability — and I have the best ability, a soldier came up to me and told me, tears in his eyes, she said “you saved America, sir,” she said, cold day, she had these rosy cheeks, unlike Rosie O’Donnell, no ability — to each, to each according to his needs.

I’m tearing up a little. Recognition from someone as amazing as Dan feels good. Also, BE PART OF THE MOVEMENT! Come to my whistle kit assembly event tonight at Nighthawk (4744 N Kimball), 5:30-8 pm!

DONALD TRUMP FIVE MINUTES AFTER MEETING ME: And, you know, the Game Awards, they gave Best Music to God of War instead of Xenoblade 3, and it was very unfair

"Proletariat." The first time I heard that I said wow, what a beautiful word. And you're going to be seeing class solidarity that's stronger, probably, than ever before

TRUMP [after spending 5 minutes with Zohran]: surplus value, it’s a very wonderful thing, very wonderful, and they’re stealing it. Can you believe that? We’re going to be looking very strongly at the bourgeoisie, what they’re up to

It is unfair, on like a cosmic level, that the funniest man alive is also the most evil man alive. Truly.

TRUMP: and this Daniel, he went into the den? MAMDANI: The lion's den, yes TRUMP: surely they ate him MAMDANI: Here's the part where it gets a little Broadway: they didn't TRUMP: Unbelievable

I love how this implies the small business owners who advertise on Ben Shapiro are “using ideology” to sell as opposed to just being ideologically aligned with right wing media.

Me: Obviously Lois Lane would be Miss Piggy in Muppet Superman. Kermit should be Clark Kent but *NOT* Superman. Superman is Henry Cavill and looking like a frog is just him acting meek Fellow Bunker Resident: (glances at screen counting down “Safe Surface Radiation Level 37.6 years”) Ugh

What are your top 5 movie genres? Mine are: 1. We’re in a submarine! 2. Family gathering for a holiday or wedding or funeral, hijinks ensue 3. Look how stupid these cops are 4. Industry is evil 5. Rich people get what’s coming to them

At the end of the day they’re all afflicted with small business owner brain

If I can give 3 pieces of unsolicited advice to people facing ICE/CBP: 1) go outside 2) meet your neighbors 3) be loud They want you to be isolated and afraid so they can work in secret, control the narrative, and act with impunity. They lose power when we see what’s happening and to whom.

SHOW ME MORE EXCERPTS FROM THAT STUPID BOOK I FUCKING DARE YOU

The Pop Tarts have invented Democratic Calvinism. I’m excited to see what they eventually cook up as their eschatology. On that day will be the end of all non-five-minute breakfasts

Another week another “huh probably not great that 20% of the internet runs through this one service”

I ain’t reading that

Sooooo many stupid people are going to fall for the MTG stuff

My newspaper told me unethical creeps keep eating his journalists so I asked how many journalists he has and he said he just goes to the j school and gets a new journalist afterwards so I said it sounds like he’s just feeding journalists to unethical creeps and then his ombudsman started crying

internet is crazy

CHOTINER: So you had reasons for visiting the island? SUMMERS: Is butiful plce CHOTINER: Is that buttiful or beautiful? SUMMERS: 51 % of 1. Wmen or seenery, nt shr wich.

outside of individual donations to gofundmes and such, one helpful destination for your money right now is this bond fund. everyone being released from broadview needs to pay $1500 bond, which is obviously insane. it's going to cost like $925k to successfully spring 615 people linktr.ee/mw_bondfund

another neighbor got abducted today, new gofundme about to drop. if you're in the NW side he was a server at Alps and they are donating 25% of sales this weekend to him. as for my prior neighbor who got abducted, his gofundme was a huge help to his family and will be used to bond him out imminently

Every office has an executive tier whose emails are like: saw on news , , can we replce complianc dept with web 3 and a worker tier whose emails are like: Dear Jim, First of all, I *love* this idea! Unfortunately, I spoke with Legal and identified a few issues with this approach. For starters…

pretty funny in retrospect that QAnon hinged on the idea that powerful elites at the highest levels of government were smart enough to talk in code when sending emails to each other about their despicable crimes

TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

I was in Nordstrom Rack yesterday looking for winter clothes and in the handbags section I overheard: NYU GIRL 1: Oh my God, so I was watching, this girl talked to a doctor, okay— NYU GIRL 2: Real doctor or TikTok doctor NYU GIRL 1: *exasperated scoff* they can be both okay NYU GIRL 1: but TikTok

When the Democrats talk about the need for bipartisanship and a strong Republican party

Did I make a lowest possible effort dunk on Bill Pencil? Yes. Is it borderline cringe? Yes. Do I deserve the opportunity to be a little mean online every once in a while? I think I do. As a treat.

“Miracle Mile shopping center”

im realizing that companies calling "anything a computer does" "AI" isn't ignorance or marketing, it's them figuring out that calling something "AI" is currently a get-out-of-liability-free card

every single shitty centrist in the house democratic caucus is about to become an anti-leadership firebrand for precisely as long as it takes to sew up their primary before switching back into third way mode for the 2026 general election. exhausting to see, but it's gonna work on voters

Which is what they want. Being in a permanent minority means they don’t have to actually deliver on anything and can just fundraise.

"Why would Schumer want to weaken his own party right when he saw they gained strength?" because he saw Zohran, and thus the future of the party, and he has explicitly said his number one job is to protect Israel at all costs lol.

no amount of state propaganda will ever convince me this man is my enemy

Many are saying

Caleb Fucking Williams

You joined a conference with Iowa in it lmao. You fools