the birds work for the bourgeois

i’m used to living alone so it’s a habit to lock the door behind me and/or anytime i see an unlocked door in my house i still do that, but now i get texts like this

Telling people I have a mere cat

a guillotine, but for dicks

lexapro + arizona summer = i am always drenched mentally stable, but perpetually drenched

my son just referred to cream cheese as “bagel sauce” and I couldn’t be more proud

10/10 weekend 🌷🌷🌷

get yourself a partner who treats everyday like mother’s day then somehow still spoils you senseless on actual mother’s day

the world is a better place with so many milfs in it. that’s just the truth, and I don’t think we should hide from the truth

“it’s the live laugh love for right wing nut jobs” @thefiresermon.bsky.social on “we the people” bumper stickers

i love how butterflies are so pretty and they also eat decaying animal flesh and sip on blood and tears

the lexapro is lexaproing

from charming to alarming in seconds

Oh shit it was about the ballroom

lady of the house > boy mom

“i have tea” is my favorite start to a work meeting

one like and i’ll get deviled egg nails

I don’t know how to explain it but Taurus season beginning on 4-20 makes so much sense

just accidentally exfoliated my 5-day-old tattoo in the shower and saw jesus but why did he look like a doctor?

the cringe i crunged

louder for those in the back

queen of cups x2

“but she was a teacher of love after all. only pupils of love need to be beautiful.”

what if we kissed under the mushroom cloud

nolanolanolanola

we're all pretty weird girls

this friday is mid at best

you asked, we listened: Duracell batteries are now certified gluten-free

some people call you the hamburglar of love

he’s so handsome, just like his reward posters

Saying "soup is not a meal" just tells me you haven't had the right soup yet

sorry i can’t hang out, i’m busy recreating olive garden in pokopia

billions of years of evolution, a surprisingly harmonious symbiosis between countless cells, vast amounts of data encapsulated in a double helix: it’s fucking wild that somehow it all came together to gift us @kiixlyn.bsky.social

yeah i got your email

cat who is always down to play 🤝 high energy, animal loving kid

Murder, she skeeted.

pov: you’re 5’4 at a show

pick number 3, m’lord

KNUCKLE PUCK

redheads do it better

$74 if you’re a woman

4 y/o: what if I punched you in your wiener? me: I don’t have a wiener 4 y/o: *wheels are turning* what if I punched you in your wiener space?

subtle brag: i bought a cat bed and said cat absolutely loves it i’ve only lived with one other cat in my life (15 yers ago) so i’m very proud of the immediate bed adoption

I am not looking for a politician to explain why blowing up 100 little girls is good

i’ve got people to pickle

new home who dis

dog dog cat

i like big butts and i plead the fifth