It's heartbreaking when love is lost over tiny disagreements, like whether a haunted scarecrow should be allowed in the apartment.

Netflix just bought OnlyFans

Like my replies to other people so I know it’s real

Sorry to cause a commotion. I meant to cause a motherfuckin riot

I think my relationship with the twitter is irrevocably broken

I am tired, hear me yawn!

Spending the day making people irate on Facebook Marketplace by asking, “Is this item still available”

The papers in my laptop bag are nobody’s business, least of all mine.

the hills are alive with the sound of fuck this shit

If sexuality was a choice, then explain heterosexual women

I do like you. I just don't trust you. Nothing personal.

fuck your pretty face if you’re not beautiful on the inside

I’m tired of us feeling insecure. Smile if you feel like it, post your body images if you feel like it, and just spin in circles if it brings you joy. Fuck those that want to dim your shine.

Triggered by her kindness.

what if we made dinner together and shared an experience while broke as fuck

two turntables and a microphone? in this economy???

Using steak chunks as a pacifier

fuck being in your dms I want to be on your face

looking back, i didn’t find Waldo. Waldo found me

The easiest way to cheer me up is by walking into a glass door you don't see with a full cup of coffee.

“It’s okay to feel regret.” - Me, consoling my new followers.

Reply Guy? More like Reply Legend

have you tried getting fucked about it?

It’s a great day to delete your posts

women who bully other women for sport? fuck you.

Apathy is so yesterday. Get with the times people.

Me: I cleared the table for dessert. Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out? Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!! Her: What…Why??? Me: You have to let them linger.

Go apeshit berserk about how expensive that thing is that she asked for for Christmas Then get it for her anyway

you lost me at figgy but brought me right back with pudding

I think Twitter is broken. This might be my new home.

The Little Engine That Wished A Motherfucka Would

I wish I loved anything as much as Republicans love having blood on their hands.

Men who slut shame women have really small dicks. It’s science.

You ever notice how "ok don't take this personally" is always followed up with something really freaking personal

The fucking exceptional singularity that is you

Oh, you’ll know it if I’m flirting with you. I won’t, but you will

have you tried jumping in a big pile of leaves about it?

Celebrating Black Friday by taking 50% off caring about anything.

I wonder if people who post their gym selfie for their dating profile pic know I don’t care

We’re all just a bunch of broken Doritos at the bottom of the bag.

Hell yes I'm recycling all my tweets on Bluesky. Why should I come up with new garbage when I already have this garbage?

Happy Thanksgiving, fuckers 🦃🍁

I can't be the only one who wonders what crazy shit goes down on Sesame Street when they're not filming

I have a goal every day to share my kindness, support, and love. You never know who you're helping. At the end of the day, it's the little things that get us all through. We could all use a little more empathy. I hope everyone experiences at least one moment today that makes them smile. 🤍

Quit trying to butter me up. I'm not a fucking dinner roll.

I am against any "without downloading any new pics" type of posts. Find, cultivate, and carefully select what you share to entertain me.

is this thing on?

When your mum said you could be anything, why did you choose to be a cunt?