The best part about this is how genuinely wounded he looked. You should feel bad you dumb fuck.

Donald Trump "looking very strongly at" appointing Jose Canseco to head of the Federal Reserve. "He's been very fair to me in the past," Trump told the media on Air Force One. "And frankly much more fair than the Tampa Bay Rays were to him."

hi, political philosopher here! this is not funny, central banks only do this when they're in extreme distress

DHS Releases Watchlist Of Mothers Driving Cars https://theonion.com/dhs-releases-watchlist-of-mothers-driving-cars/

BIG FIGHT AT POLAND’S WROCLAW ZOO!!!

"what are we going to do with 20,000 ICE agents if we abolish ice" well to start with I think we should all literally spit on them in public for the rest of their lives

They managed to both sides something video taped from 4 different angles

NEW: At least four videos show what really happened when ICE shot a woman in Minneapolis on Wednesday. DHS has established itself as an agency that cannot be trusted to live in or present reality. Our latest:

what the fuck do you mean “the bait”

criticism of stranger things season 5 can really be out there. i keep seeing the term “plot hole” thrown around loosely.

I realize this will never happen, but during these press conferences, when he says something idiotic like the insane-asylum thing, I just wish somebody would respond, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

simply insane how dumb it all is

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

Days after his third dementia screening in six months the president of the United States, who is an open pedophile, abducts a foreign head of state

Trump: The military is ready to launch a second attack if Venezuela doesn't start making money for U.S. oil companies fast enough www.washingtonpost.com/world/2026/0...

crazy that airbnb keeps using that scrotum as their logo after all these years

kidnapped. the word is kidnapped

just found out what happens when the ceo of the onion reskeets your post

RIP, Isiah Whitlock Jr

oh man

truly one of the geniuses of posting

One of the best to ever do it

I know its for pain relief but the color and name just makes me think you can take a sip to make your whole body hurt

Despite threats, billionaires don't leave the largest population centers, because it's where there is the most money to be had from the collective value generated by human beings, and despite what they insist, they don't generate wealth; they collect it.

you there boy, what bullshit is this

anyone worth more than one billion dollars should be thrown a big party and be given an award for "making it," and be guillotined the following day. all their assets should then be publicized

Trump: I am fine. You sound beautiful and cute. How old are you? Caller: I am eight

from @theonion.com print edition

clearly donald trump is completely innocent because the trumpstein files are so transparent

gonna start calling them the trumpstein files

here’s a list of great independent media outlets to support instead of fascists:

Per NY Times’s Michael Grynbaum on X, this is Sharyn Alfonsi’s email to her “60 Minutes” colleagues in full:

massive power outages in the city today. we had to cancel both performances of moulin rouge at the orpheum

Some of these redactions are almost like modern art

Donald Trump's Ruth's Chris Steakhouse

jesus, not another brent bozell... how many of these fucking guys are there?

ok, the cheese grater inside the guitar bit in spinal tap 2 is a little too much. c’mon.

*bib fortuna voice* de dan buhbonga

Even the Zionists say they have killed over 200,000 and that only came to light after my post of the above analysis and figure of 680,000 went viral on Twitter. I’m begging you to use your brains. They levelled an entire city of 2.2million people with over 100,000 tonnes of bombs.

I mean I feel like I understand the reason. It's because they're dumber than shit

Seventeen years ago today. Happy holidays to al who observe.

ugh, rewatching ARRIVAL and it just astounds me how clearly humanity is presented as the dumbest motherfuckers. really, the dumbest motherfuckers in the galaxy. great movie, we really are literally killing ourselves

2 found dead at Brentwood mansion that belongs to director Rob Reiner www.nbclosangeles.com/investigatio...

mark, we are trying to help you. if you guys don't get with the program and stop standing in the way of the idea that government should do things for regular people, your risk is not going to be higher taxes on your income, it's going to be seizure of your assets