currently watching ‘the swarm’ and apparently it’s just about orcas fucking shit up and i am so excited

it’s like, UGH, ya know?

Opened my preheated oven and found ET burnt to a crisp in there, whops

damn girl are you a black friday sale bc what’s your deal

i’m sexy and i’m kind, i’m pretty when i cry

forgot to take my ADHD meds before the family function so now all the lights are too bright and all the kids are too loud and i suddenly hate all of my cousins for no reason lmao

who decided that grinding up parmesan into a weird snowy powder was ever a good idea

ugh I hate payday so much it makes work feel so gross and transactional

not my bull frog ass jumping from bank to banky

started taking beta blockers. so I don’t have to read your posts

i better become a master of the martial arts kind of drunk and not a buys delicious foods and cries kind of drunk

Lord I wish for food for the hungry, joy for the joyless, vibes for the vibeless, rizz for the rizzless, surgery for a grape, and for many of my followers a brain

im not the boogie man.. im the man who boogied up

i’m not the boogie man, i am the boogie woman

who wanna navigate me horizontally later

you’ve heard of elf on a shelf, but have you heard of my foot in your ass?

i love having 2 roommates because i get to yell “WHO WROTE THE NOTE?? YOUS TWOS” whenever i’m mad at them

now i am going to growl instead of talking

I'm running out of goodness juice. I'm going to become evil soon.

Happy 40th birthday to Psychocandy by The Jesus and Mary Chain, which was released on this day in 1985

using the blade to defeat my enemies

Slowly distancing myself from friends and family so they’re not affected when I turn into a fine mist

should i be celibate for a year or should i just kill myself lmk

my therapist and i talk shit about you btw

any time a man tries to love me i turn evil and push them away

i had a bowl of apples

Bug and i both need to get laid dammit

I don't need you and you don't need me. Try this hearty and nourishing broth

last night was my 4th of july

it’s DEVO time!

i still think the 80’s were 20 years ago and i think that’s my problem

men will like me and be nice to me and i’m like why?? what’s ur fuckin deal????

one time someone posted that ‘what difference does it make?’ by the smiths just sounds like morrissey is being chased by a bee and i’ve never been able to get it out of my head

“i love stealing groceries” -something a bad person who steals groceries (definitely not me haha) would say

it still hasn’t snowed in denver yet and that is very strange

i fckin love my roommates <333

no more lil tv in my room so now if i wanna watch tv i have to watch it in the basement on The Weird Lumpy Couch

i'm not crying ur crying and that guys crying and she's crying holy fuck we're all crying

applying for sleep studies since that’s apparently all i’m good at these days

bought a bottle of champagne and i’m keeping it tucked away in the basement fridge so we can pop it open whenever he dies

now that women have ruined the workplace we should just get rid of it

literally what kinda fuckass name is Ruth Bader Ginsburg she had to go

at any given time, i can hear Potato somewhere in the house, yelling

Collin Jenna and I are all wearing Jenna’s Kesha shirts

"don't talk to me until 90 minutes after i've had my amphetamine" coffee mug

did you just dare to dream? yeah, we dont do that around here. best be on your way.

i think Potato is fr depressed rn because this is the first time he’s ever not lived with other cats :( i wanna get another cat for him to have a pal but i’m not sure if my landlords would let me