Well fuck me, they just told me they cut back my hours for summer school so I’ll only be working FIFTEEN HOURS A WEEK So if anyone has part time temporary job leads, lemme know

Today a girl asked me how old I was and she was genuinely shocked, she guessed I was like 20

“Your head is a haunted house”

Sometimes when I get stoned and watch tv I can’t help but see these characters not as their characters, but actors just pretending

told a coworker i used to work at the dump and they asked me if that’s where i got my haircut

Youtube is for children in restaurants. Adults should not be watching Youtube unless their toilet is broken.

(Trying to get my picky eater kid to eat) now explain why these vegetables are yucky without resorting to moralism or idealism

“Are they a proud people?” - my wife, just now, about Juggalos

keeping the rent down in my neighborhood by walking around with a cigarette

Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) 🎥 Directed by Stanley Kubrick #FilmSky

“You want your barista to be a lil gay”

My boyfriend is so talented, I can’t get over it. AND he urges me to also make art

“Saddam hussein is like a fat borat”

Been thinking about my end of year gift for Joe, and I had the thought of a dance mix cd for his kids? My mom’s best friend’s husband gave me & Robb mix cds and didn’t name them so I’ve spent my whole life finding what the songs are. I adored it so I’d love to do that for every child I know

Crying

we should bring back smoking sections in schools and 8-martini lunches with the fellas

Just saw someone call a vagina “valgina” and im gonna use that now

make the new york times sudoku harder

Last night I smoked some of Collins’s really strong pot and was convinced this picture was trying to tell me some sort of secret message

Kids had an author visit today, it was so weird this woman kept bragging about how rich/ successful/ and smartshe was and her parents both went to Harvard medical, all that

wildhow in 2026 I am friends with a pair of twins, one of whom looks exactly like Robert Plant and the other who looks exactly like Frank Zappa. Style, voice, everything. This is no exaggeration. www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sWi...

The same kid keeps breaking his computer, so I was working with him today on mine. For the presentation I said he could add pictures if he wanted and so he chose this gif.

Was working with the kid who said my shoes were “interesting” in a bad way. today He said “your nails are super dark and sparkly. I like that”

Saturday I was talking about how I really love bread tabs, I just think they’re beautiful, and Collin was like “where did you come from” Also saw this today :)

"which orange came first, the color or the fruit"

"how come you need water to survive but it can kill you in so many ways"

kid came up to me and said "to go to sleep you have to pretend to be asleep"

I have somehow landed myself in a love triangle between two best friends

60% of my students just copied and pasted a wiki article word for word for their research papers and the other 40% copied everything from chat gpt

Spent like an hour last night crying over the little bull stuffed animals at build a bear Nothing should be this cute

Reading every piece of world news and trying to imagine it’s all a big April fools day prank

Yesterday Collin kept imitating the white dancers on soul train

Didn’t drink much coffee over break so today I had 4 cups and now I’m trying to throw up quietly in the bathroom

The asthmatic can have 1 cigarette as a treat, but only if they have their inhaler

Biggest motorcycle I’ve ever seen blasting “set fire to the rain”

IF YOU WERE A PLANT WHAT PLANT WOULD YOU BE AND WHY

Has anyone ever heard anyone irl say “in English please?” When someone says somethin complicated? I don’t think it happens

I said “the idea of Canada” and Collin and I said simultaneously “band name”

Girl I went to ha with just posted a story saying she was at the thrift store looking for deals, then she posted her haul and she got an ugly purse for TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. Ma’am that is NOT a thrift store

My friend nick came by the other weekend and accidentally took one of Jenna’s shoes thinking it was his

Never actually submitted my nursing school application bc there’s a $100 fee and I have to save up for that lmao

A friend texted me saying I look like Belinda Carlisle and I don’t see it but idk?

Listening to ween and feeling ~different~

don’t wanna trigger anyone but the world is triggering? so sorry but also, be an adult and suck it up. If seeing other ppls cuts trigger you then you should figure that out. Not my fault. Maybe it’s harsh. Also my drug stories, ppl are always like “ur scaring ppl” fucking good. It was TERRIFYING

Tw: weight, ed, sh lost weight recently & my scars are much more pronounced… no matter how deep. They all get stretched & wrinkly. now I gotta die by the sword I lived by. Proud for getting healthier in a healthy way, but these scars are so much more noticeable I wanna scream. And biooil is a scam

This is like when you go to the family wedding and your mom watched u drink 2 gin and tonics and approaches you to lecture you about the family addictive personality genes and tell you that she can’t change your lifestyle but it makes her cry every day

My neighbors saw me dancing, alone. This is somehow more embarrassing than, in a way I cannot describe, when they’ve seen me half or fully naked

Also got the temp teeth implants (genetic thing where i was born without lateral incisors), I got the surgery part a yr ago, yesterday I got the temp screw in teeth. Super weird feeling them unscrewing screws that go through my skull up to the sides of my nose. Aaa but no more hassle w/ fake teeth