i think most white americans who have never been Policed don’t realize that you are always already a criminal. the second anyone with institutional power believes you to be, needs you to be, or wants you to be a criminal you are and always have been.

I will always hold it against the fake money people that they appropriated “crypto” from cool things like your Sasquatches and Mothmans. They should have called their dumb shit something like Goofbux

Sure would be spectacular if someone did it today. And don't limit yourself. This is a buffet, not a snack.

Imagine what RFK would say if it WASN'T Autism Acceptance Month.

The US Government is doing the plot of Major League (see also: Ted Lasso S1). Except the lovable losers they've chosen to tank the season are monstrous, vicious, cruel, inhuman caricatures of villainy and excess with unchecked power. And instead of maybe winning the big game, all the humans die.

Just signed up. Let's do the thing.

The original opening line of Billy Joel's "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant"

Moo DANG!

[youth pastor voice] you know who else fell and rose dramatically in the span of three business days?

"We need to encourage people to have kids" "If you get married and pregnant you become an unperson who can't vote or make decisions about your body – which is subordinate to the state your husband and and your biological role to die on the cross of fertility subject to the whims of God and sepsis."

Who could’ve ever foresaw except all the people who did and got arrested for doing so

Making it tougher to romanticize nonviolent gentleman bank robbers and their victimless crimes.

okay now that you all have gotten a taste of America's rational and predictable new trade policy, everyone who wants to build your new factories here just form an orderly line

Holy shit, is Nathan short for Jonathan? ...Jonathaniel

"So, a spreadsheet is a form without any skin." - Me, trying to explain something to a coworker to make it less intimidating

It’s simple: it’s anti-Black racism.

I'm not happy, I'm just resting my cries.

Between ads for Becoming David and season 3 of Reacher, Amazon is cornering the "put giants on TV" market.

So, when there are no cops around creating violence at protests, violence at protests doesn't occur...weird.

High-in-IKEAtown Population: this guy!

well, actually, schrödinger is the name of the doctor not the meownster.

Less than 40 pages into @claymcleod.bsky.social's Wake Up and Open Your Eyes and what I'm loving most is the subtlety. A less keen reader might not see the sly parallels to the world outside of the book.

for the potato fears not death

It's also the day for my favorite meme! If this aging Klingon warrior can get it right, so can anyone.

Winona Ryder looks so young in this photo

This is, as far as I can tell, a real ad by a company trying to get more Tesla owner business.

That's a weird hill to die on, I say to myself as I'm scouting for spots

@screamqueenpodcast.bsky.social congrats on 20!

And yet! Our greatest investigators still haven't caught her.

imagine how devastated you would be if someone replied to any one of your posts with "your whole thing is bull shit"

I think my daughter might be an old model of the Tammy Craps doll, because she is definitely full of just farts. #itysl

Me talking to myself 20 years ago: it’s really cool, YouTube just has all the MST3K episodes and there’s a channel that streams them 24/7 Me from 20 years ago: awesome and everything else is great too right? Current me, wielding a knife: give me your wallet

And yet! Our greatest investigators still haven't caught her.

Who derives joy from seeing shitty evil cruel people take hits to their egos? Good people, mainly. Look for the helpers. They're the ones vandalizing cybertrucks.

Elon’s hat discussed in Houthi PC chat

We have found the first documented case of an immigrant being imported to the US by politicians and then committing a bunch of heinous sex crimes

I made you a lasagna but I didn't have any noodles so I used graph paper.

...starting to think the US might not be doing stuff that good guys do. If I can be even more direct...some stuff the US is doing might be bad, even. /end rant (sorry for being so political, it just had to be said)

drab: a child's awareness that families and relationships can look different from person to person FAB!: Kids asking teachers about "adultery" and learning that a "wife" is a piece of property akin to livestock

Fuck you, Harley Jarvis.

Hot take: Pedro Pascal can get it.

Has anybody seen the the live-action Nosferatu?

Who's gonna tell them?

If you die at Pizza Hut, you die in real life

maybe we would all feel better if we spread Elmer's glue all over our hands and peeled it off when it dried

all things serve the beam, folks, isn’t that right. we have our breakers and they are working on the problems with the beams and they are working very strongly six beams, they all come brilliantly together. animal-headed friends of mine— they say, it's the most brilliant place you’ve ever seen

look man i am *also* getting whiplash from posting things like "tobey macguire's first arachnid movie was the spider house rules" right alongside the most depraved actions of the US and Israel, but that is just life right now ok

Times Like These make me believe a person would use the Hellraiser puzzle box just to feel something good.

Once again loving this interpretation of Caesar’s last words #IdesofMarch 🗡️

Quote skeet with your best seduction face