my son has invented the Jail Tiger, who puts you in jail. I think he’s got aomethjng going here

seeing how hideous my college ex became was the boost i needed to get me through the day

she had her three pubes out on daytime tv

am i the problem or am i surrounding myself with problems because problems are all i know?

moshi looks like that one renaissance cat painting

I'm a single issue voter now, my issue: revenge

me looking at who is considered a DJ in the capital region in 2025

*makonnen voice, feeding my cats* they be fiendin for this wet food all goddamn night!

If you’re placing prop bets on South Park you need to have a conservatorship

i hope everyone who has wronged me swings too hard on a swing and ends up like inside out boy

me when i’ve connected a good amount of people in the local arts and music scene and they no longer associate with or speak to me anymore or have done me so dirty i’ve had to remove them from my life entirely

i still fuck, just not with you.

sure would be a shame

I was raised by nondenominational wolves

to the small children screaming outside, please shut the fuck up

dave and buster are getting divorced

biting my tongue so hard i’m gonna die from how much blood i’m swallowing

things i never thought i’d say out loud but as a cat parent i just said: yeah no buddy you can go in the drawer that’s fine!

the world makes me sad

*wheezing* blinker checkpoint

CATURDAY

The puppeteer's union has rejected my slogan "We Need More Hand Jobs!"

i don’t need to get roasted, spotify does that for me with my daylist titles

the acacia strain is so goddamn good

Amelia Earhart? The aviatrix?

metal fans are the most miserable people in the world, specifically the ones on reddit in other news water is wet

sorry i had to block you girly i just didn’t really wanna see the man who tried to kill me all over my instagram feed :/

God gives his barkiest dogs to His strongest my neighbors

a cleansing fire would probably feel so good on my pores

they’re putting tariffs on the labubus

i saw keith buckley again tonight :) he is a cool fuckin’ dude and such an inspiration to me

i get to see keith buckley again

i think i was a club kid that OD’d in 1995 and was reincarnated as this piece of shit who is afraid of every drug that isn’t weed

youtube is recommending me literal hatespeech

a coma would fix me

when i start talking to people who did not ask about professional wrestling

[facebook] that low-level sense of dread you’re feeling? it’s called freedom pusy 🤣

the “thank god i live in new york” mentality can only go so far

headstone reads: she could do all of the “twist” beatbox really fuckin’ well

i ate 2 tylenol and my IQ went from 64 to 371. i can now tell you the day you’re going to die, and how.

I like Jimmy Kimmel. I really do. I have no issues with him. I'm talking about something very different. Kimmel was only suspended. But he's back now. Karen Attiah and all the other Black journalists are still fired. Y'all do know how to fight, when you want to. But you don't really want to. 🤷🏿‍♂️

What getting raptured taught me about B2B sales

tuilte go maith gan dabht, young renegade!

they put me on the waiting list for the next rapture, i'll get 'em next time

idea: voluntary coma induction and you wake up four years from now and if things aren’t any better you just repeat the process

i need that $20 more than walt disney’s frozen head goddammit

On the street, it's got a dozen names. Some call 'em White Devils. Simple, classic. Some cats call 'em The Levelers, 'cause they take you from a 10 on the pain scale down to a zero. Smooths you right out. You call it Tylenol. I call it death.

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Throwback and Forth

i’m so fucking depressed