Lmao someone spent actual money doing a *televised* anti DSA LA ad hell yeah

Mfw I find out LB Pride was cancelled

Wishing the large gentleman on motorcycles wearing mongols leather a happy Long Beach pride weekend

[Shouting obnoxiously as possible] my daughter ran her first cross country race (1 mile in 8 minutes flat) and is the second fastest girl in her school

“Sounds like Clavicular had some sort of gun and milk related incident at the red carpet of a Xbiz party in Miami…” I say to my wife as she grabs a syringe of Thorazine

Impossible to discuss the Kars for Kids scam without sounding insane

Sent a video of a pug sitting in the stands of a baseball game to the group chat before realizing it was Ai.

Been appearing at this one courtroom so long they’ve reserved the comfiest chair for just me

Ngl I before she popped up in the news this week I sincerely thought Virginia Foxx died of old age during the Obama administration

One huge benefit of Comrade Mamdani’s success is that it provides opportunities to concern troll my own useless mayor

Just gave my daughter the same talk my dad gave me when I was her age: don’t do cocaine it’s what killed Celtics prospect Len Bias

Philly and Laker fans, welcome

Brought my daughter to her first group run today because she was unlucky enough to be born into a “5k for fun” family

Maybe they just don’t want an American puppet government founded by fascist heroin warlords next door

The thing that’s most impressive about Josh Gondelman is that he’s managed not only to be very funny but he’s literally the only sane famous person to graduate from Brandeis in like 40 years

Really wish someone would point out that the right wing “solutions” to homelessness are just straight up rehashed Nazi bullshit. Not even exaggerating btw you can draw a straight line between the two using even a cursory google search of the history behind “forced treatment” advocates

Do the other mountain lions in SoCal make fun of their friends who get caught and tagged by humans

Elisabeth Röhm was the hottest ADA on any of the various Law and Order shows and it’s not even close

Client hired us at 10:30am today and by 10:45 I got her case dismissed

Today’s billionaires: “Woke woke woke wah wah wah” Ted Turner: “I made a new environmentalist cartoon where each character is a unique race and they’re all led by a gay drag queen. Also, I colorized the moon!”

In case you are wondering how down bad Celtics fans are right now I just saw a sincere trade proposal for Anthony Davis

Of course Matt Mahan is a teach for America guy

Criminal clients when they’re about to tell you some absolute bullshit

Passed by Charlie Kirk Way on Westminster after grabbing lunch in little Saigon. I reflected on how that dude never got to enjoy a vegan shredded pork banh mi from Đông Hưng Viên Bakery (because he was racist)

Hey man congrats on breaking the 2hr marathon mark on your first ever attempt. No you did not get the world record. Also you did not win the race.

NBA fans undefeated. Best posters on the planet

Important update

Finally finished the Irishman so you know what that means

This isn’t a new development

Is there a book or a pamphlet available to help a parent raise a kid who is already exponentially cooler than they ever were? Whenever she asks me complex social questions I’m like “I have no idea babe I had at max two friends at any given time”

Some guy with schizophrenia is reading this and feeling pretty smug

You give these freaks an inch on sexual expression and they will take us back to puritan times

Had an incredibly difficult and painful conversation with my daughter this morning about how I’ve never been a good enough runner to qualify for (much less run) the Boston Marathon

Thank you @inthesedeserts.bsky.social for singing the praises of Hatch NM. We also randomly came upon it traveling across the country recently and it RULES

Pretty incredible that trump is the only non-drunk in his entire cabinet www.theatlantic.com/politics/202...

Genius move by Marie Gluesenkamp Perez to attack an objectively cute animal in support of a completely nonsense policy

The City of Orange released this insane hype video of their cops using a goddamn tank to raid a happy ending massage parlor, complete with a Linkin Park soundtrack. Truly hate living in Verhooven America www.instagram.com/reel/DW92tOz...

Smdh at redditors who don’t know Belcher is a french Canadian surname

Good news: my cardio stress test went well and everything is good Bad news: they shaved my sections of my chest hair for the leads and it looks WEIRD

Really wish my dad was alive to see his least favorite next door neighbor absolutely eat shit in an election

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but today is one of the greatest moments in baseball history history. It’s the 19th anniversary of the Fenway Pizza Throw featuring Don Orsillo and the late Jerry Remy with a guy who wasted a piece of cheese pizza.

Thank you Hillary Clinton I really wanted to know if there existed an equally stupid policy to what the Trump admin is currently doing but I needed to hear it from a slightly more condescending imperial voice. Hope the UAE check clears before they are out of money.

In awe of the fits my 10 year old pulls off completely independent of any input from her friends or family. Just the coolest kid on the planet.

⚠️Attention Dasher A02712⚠️ The recipient of delivery order #72 (Filet o Fish and Big Mac) has made a special request that you appear as a political prop for news cameras upon your arrival. Your proposed tip for this upgrade is: [$0.00]

Haven’t seen a more brutal 0/2 weekend for a JD since JD Drew’s 2011 season with the Red Sox

Katie Porter for Governor: I merely abuse my staffers *emotionally*

@stefanbc.bsky.social what the

That Norwegian 4x4 workout for raising your V02 max sucks ass to practice but sadly it absolutely works