Unsure if they want this larger bag of potatoes

Responding to all emails with this until I get fired challenge

First book of 2026 down. It’s so crazy how much the exact opposite the real Zuckerberg is from the Jesse Eisenberg portrayal. Myopic, utterly devoid of charisma, and completely lacking in wit at every single turn. But plenty evil! He’s got the evil part down!

That first paragraph START OVER, ASSHOLE

RIP Dick Cheney, you would have finally found something to like about the Trump presidency (illegally overthrowing a government for oil)

Seeing a little too much “Actually the people of Venezuela are happy about this!” Just like how the people were happy about the US going to Iraq… Afghanistan… Vietnam…

You can’t find it anymore because it’s been scrubbed from the Internet, but my favorite Old Man Moment of all time is Andy Rooney going savage mode on Kurt Cobain’s death

Bugonia (2025)

Maybe the real Things were all the Strangers we made along the way

What’s your new year resolution? Mine is gonna be 3840x2160

Can’t wait for ten years from now when I get to read a new James Stewart book about how Netflix went from high sheen prestige hits to pumping out nothing but televised diarrhea inside of ten years

*to the tune of Die Another Day* 🎶 I think I’ll diarrhea spray 🎶

After nine years they save the world by just shooting a big monster with guns until it dies What’d they write this finale in the hallway before class started?

Jesus Christ, some people actually went out to a movie theater to watch this shit

Annual reminder that if you start watching The Terminator at 10pm on New Year’s Eve, by the time it’s over it won’t be quite midnight yet and you can start Terminator 2

Everybody bemoaning how nothing good happened in 2025 has forgotten far too quickly this is the year Dick Cheney went to Hell

Bless the podcasters who are dropping new episodes this week, you all the real heroes

Fuck you too, 2026

Oh hell yeah, the Patriots are playing the Jests tomorrow, that means I don’t have to watch any goddamn football Fuck yeah

Mark Zuckerberg looks like a princess kissed a frog but then the transformation hit a speed bump partway through

An excellent addition to the “kids are all a bunch of little shits” canon

Movie idea: modernized remake of The Mask, but this time it’s a somber drama about a man with severe anxiety who must don a *social* mask

I AM THE CHRISTMAS BOOOOOY!!!!

Watching people post holiday memories and I’m sitting here like, fuck dawg, I gotta get a damn family or some shit

Watching a man fish a phone out of a storm drain is the most exciting thing I’ve seen on TV all year

Anybody else’s boss text them like a movie serial killer antagonizing Morgan Freeman?

Avatar 3 is basically just Avatar 2 2, which still makes it one of the most spectacular movies I’ve seen this year

One Battle After Another ending explained: where'd all the people go? are they still in the tv somewhere?

Therapist: It’s great that you’re physically active, that’s really good for mental wellness. So what do you like to listen to when you’re exercising? Me:

If anybody does this to me after I’m murdered, I will personally haunt you to the end of this realm and the next

Possibly my most generic white guy trait is that I love the Counting Crows Hell yeah I made an evening out of this documentary

The thing that always relaxes me is that, throughout human history, there has always been people who thought “Right now is the worst time to be alive” And some of them had to be wrong!

Look, while things seem bad, we must remind ourselves we’re blessed to live in the timeline where our most universally beloved actor is, improbably, Bob Odenkirk. It’s important to remember this

Not me googling “eggnog all year, how”

There’s still two more weeks left, but I don’t think any movie moment in 2025 is going to make me laugh harder than, “I went to Subway. I ordered a SANDWICH.”

Went for a walk and booed a Cybertruck. They rolled down the window and I just yelled “WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!” until they left. Love getting to meet and know my neighbors

Watching Misery and Annie Wilkes would’ve had a grand ol’ time on Goodreads

When a cat drinks water and then has a drop hanging off their chin, that’s a top ten thing

Somewhere in the world right now there is a man in his mid-20s who is watching Heat for the first time ever. He doesn’t know it, but that movie will soon become his entire identity. And I think that’s beautiful

Back in 2012 we had the Lincoln movie, the way things are going these days we’d be lucky to get The LinkedIn Movie!

“Eat shit, Betty White! Ahahahaha!!” ~ Dick Van Dyke celebrating his 100th birthday

Trump x Swans collab when

This is how your email is finding me

This is a one star review of imitation crab meat

“Hey remember those disturbing and controversial YouTube videos of Elsa giving birth to spiders? Well now your children won’t just watch them, they can make them!”

Got a work email saying “Thank you so much, and so fast!” And I briefly thought about replying “That’s what your fucking wife said” So that’s how employment is going, currently

Very good sir, it is good to look like a cartoon frog with a secret, that is healthy