Nithya Raman gonna be my next mayor

That was like a JR Smith caliber of error, my fucking god

Spurs

Don’t care whatever bad things might happen today ‘cause the new Vince Staples album’s already rockin

There’s still over 300k ballots left to be counted, maybe wait a minute before declaring everyone in my city a stupid dumb dumb shit throwing ape glomming for the loud TV man

Logging onto the website where non-Angelenos love to lecture how we’re all stupid idiots for voting for a fascist in an election whose ballots aren’t even close to done being counted yet

What’s your favorite movie from each decade of your life? 80s - Blue Velvet 90s - American Movie 00s - Spider-Man 2 10s - Lady Bird 20s - Poor Things

If Nithya Raman passes Pratt, the city's luxury real estate agents are gonna go full Heaven's Gate.

Free movie idea: “Minority Rapaport” Michael Rapaport is convicted by the predictive crimes unit for crimes against humanity (loudly and annoyingly livestreaming in public after the Knicks lose)

I’ve been pinned

RIP Marjane Satrapi, creator of one of the greatest pieces of literature of this century. I am unfit to memorialize her, but once put a reference to Persepolis in a TV pilot in a scene where a character argues with other parents.

I can’t believe I just heard a Grimes song in a commercial in 2026

Gonna make a new friend at the first weekday morning show of Minions 3

HAHAHAHA THE KNICKS INTRO MUSIC

Backrooms (2026)

Los Angeles, I love you and love living in you, but if I have to hear about Spencer Pratt for another five months I will be forced to do something terrible

Yeah I guess you can sit like that

Dragging my ass across town to a job I hate that will never give me a raise or a promotion. But when I see the CEO’s brand new BMW in the parking lot? Boy, that sure makes it all worthwhile.

Character poster for a murder mystery movie (she did it)

Need an idea for a new horror movie? Try making one about these dang GAS PRICES!! A24 where’s my check

I’ve been visited by a creature. What do you think it wants?

She yearns for the counter

Ed Harris is the Buffalo Bills of acting

Excited for the Spurs, equally excited for several more opportunities to hear Barkley rant about those big ol San Antonio women

THE DISRESPECTFUL DUNK, WE LOVE IT!!!!

AAAAAIR BAAAALL

Spurs gotta do this shit man, I can’t be stuck rooting for the fucking Knicks

Se7en (1995)

I love how AMC trailers are now 1. Trailers 2. Ad for Amazon 3. More trailers 4. AMC ad telling you you’re at a movie 5. AMC ad reminding you that you’re at a movie 6. 5-sec cut of Nicole Kidman reminding you you’re at the movies 7. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE 8. Did you know you’re at the movies

My V02 max has been in decline for weeks but after today’s five mile it went up four decimals! I have way too much of my self esteem wrapped up in my Apple Watches poor calculation of my cardio health

BlueSky extremely reliable for showing me the dumbest shit possible the second I open the app

The orange spot is where the kisses go

“Thanks-a so much for a-playing my game!” “You are welcome, Mario.”

RIP Hacks, the greatest comedy of the 2020s

The Spurs closing out this quarter

LinkedIn loves to be like “Hey remember this random jerk who you absolutely hate? You should connect with HIS DAD!”

Just reported a Cybertruck I saw partially blocking a driveway, this is the greatest vacation ever

The thing I always say about movies is that most of the ones with Forest Whitaker in them rule

My most Catholic opinion is I don’t believe in heaven, or even god, but I absolutely believe in hell

People will really drink protein water before they even consider adding tofu to their diet

Hacks speaks to me: “God this business. It’s 90% the most delusional, lazy people you’ve ever seen in your life, and 10% the most delusional workaholics. And I am PROUD to be part of that latter 10%!”

RFK talks like he’s partway through animorphing into a dolphin

Wishing the Knicks and their horrible, awful fans a dignified loss in the Finals

POV you had the nerve to leave the house for most of the day

Hokum (2026)

I'm at the evacuation site I'm at the airborne toxic event I'm at the combination evacuation site/airborne toxic event

Hot take: Door dashing a bagel because you’re too hungover is dishonorable. Part of the hangover bagel is getting yourself put together enough to obtain the hangover bagel.

Not bad considering I didn’t leave it out long enough to get to room temp and also I put a hole in it