Like 12 years ago my friend sent me this picture from his work and it immediately, permanently changed the name of this utensil in my head. The bytes were fully overwritten. I don’t remember the former name of this item and frankly I don’t care

I've said this before, but there are two kinds of people in the world. - People who have suffered or been traumatized by something, and think it's unfair unless everyone else also suffers - People who have suffered or been traumatized by something and don't want anyone else to experience that.

amtrak’s marketing team gets it

Starting a STEM after school program where I teach kids how to make ghost guns

Fast forwarding through the national anthem before the puppy bowl

going back in time and blowing that cheeky shiba inu's head smoove off

I want that Boer obliterated

Irish-Italians are the half-elves of new Jersey

“I’ll stop drinking if you let me run the Pentagon” is maybe the most alcoholic thing anyone has ever said

for years scholars wondered how many toddlers you can run over with tanks before your country is considered "Bad" . probably about 4 million

Customer: MY CHILDHOOD NICKNAME. SPANISH FOR A GUY NAMED IBAN. DMV: TALIBAN Verdict: DENIED

It's important to challenge anti semitic tropes whenever you see them💪

3 Bobby Problem

Your libraries will become my briberies in the budget of success

It's time to admit that Gavin Newsom is an extraordinarily loathsome politician

Every worthwhile American cuisine has one of four origins: 1. Invented by ethnic minority that wasn't allowed to eat regular food 2. Invented by cult to stop masturbation 3. Asshole customer, chef revenge 4. World's Fair

HURRIQUAKE

You: Wracked by the pain of cognitive dissonance Me: Calmly mentally rotating all the contradictory things I believe

if you’re a textualist then yes, it’s fine to bring RICO charges against Trump. but if you’re focused on the original intent of the law then it should really only apply to Italians.

It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby

You are not getting paid kenough

One underappreciated level of realism in Zelda is how often I need to stop and delete old photos of dragons from my phone to free up space for new photos of dragons

If you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. True happiness comes from making bizarre impulse purchases online, not from another person.

Happy Zero Cool day to those who celebrate it.

Can't argue with this

it's Friday Night, posters

The slide judges the heart of those who slide down. Spitting out in disgust those who offend it.

Oppenslimer

Very normal numbers to place side-by-side, I'm sure it's just a coincidence like it always is

yeah blocking is important for legitimate safety reasons but also it’s just so neat to click a button and a weird guy who talks like he’s in fallout new vegas goes away forever

Conservatives pretend to care about sex trafficking and child abuse primarily to fuel fantasies of retribution against societal others. As soon as these issues touch a person they like or a powerful institution, they hand-wave it away. They do not give a shit about actual kids.

you’re living in it, baby

a chateau is just a castle that can't fight

That’s Smee in the corner

yeah