John Apple

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

In the same manifesto, Palantir's owners argued that we need a national military draft, that soft power is over, and that we were too hard on Germany and Japan after World War II. I don't think that company should be allowed to exist anymore.

I'm not joking when I say mRNA technology is more important than "AI" and it's a tragedy we're throwing billions into one while our government is aggressively defunding the other.

When I have trouble logging into my work computer, I troubleshoot my internet connection and then contact IT. I don’t assume I’ve been fired. But also, I’m good at my job and am respected and liked by my coworkers and boss. And none of them have ever seen me drinking, much less drunk.

One thing about Kash Patel eventually being fired is there’s no way to imagine what his face will look like upon hearing the news.

I wonder if Bessent's "change your withholding to get more money" tip isn't a time bomb for next year: Trick people into feeling flush while the Rs are still in power and surprise them with a large tax bill in 2027 after the Dems (probably) retake one or both chambers (& blame Dems for high taxes).

Genuinely, this is one of the best examples I've seen of how LLMs function. After scanning the whole English-language Internet, a mislabeled Rick Astley video really is the best match, probabilistically, for a request of any very specific unrelated video. (maybe don't run your hospital on this)

i have also begun to blockade ports on the strait of hormuz

The first episode of @dreamingagainstthemachine.com is up! @reveleth.com and I had a lovely conversation about who gets to be a futurist, radical almanacs, and our least favorite manifestos. Give it a listen wherever you get your podcasts! pod.link/1890733564/e...

Episode 1 of @dreamingagainstthemachine.com launches in just a few hours! Find us here: pod.link/1890733564 And here: www.dreamingagainstthemachine.com And support the show here! www.patreon.com/cw/DreamingA...

BREAKING: Burien City Council removes City Manager Adolfo Bailon after executive session After over two hours in executive session at its special meeting on Monday, April 13, 2026, the Burien City Council voted 4-3 to remove Adolfo Bailon as the City Manager. The motion was amended to give the…

Breaking: Burien city council voting to place controversial (read: incompetent) city manager on administrative leave after an executive session. @ericacbarnett.bsky.social @typewriteralley.bsky.social @b-townblog.bsky.social !!

Magyar won with an emphasis on corruption and the rule of law. Good lessons. It wasn't just "we will improve the economy". It was "these people are stealing from you and we will put them in jail."

An mRNA treatment for PANCREATIC CANCER was in trials, among many other uses. Choosing to end this research is choosing to sentence millions to an early, painful death

there is no politician so irreplaceable that we must overlook sexual misconduct because nobody else could possibly fill their shoes

Microsoft starts removing "unnecessary" Copilot buttons from Windows 11 apps. www.theverge.com/news/909640/...

Just watched the video of Melania Trump talking about Epstein, and I'm just wondering what kind of story the White House is trying to get out in front of.

Dude when your wife wants to jump out of the plane because you’ve been talking to her about Western Civilization for three hours that’s not ”skydiving”

Parachutes were a great invention. Before, if you wanted to go skydiving, you had to die immediately after

I'm incredibly excited to announce that my new podcast, Dreaming Against the Machine, is launching next week with @multitude.productions! Join me for conversations about what a better future could look like. Available wherever you get your podcasts! Here's the trailer for the show:

Gonna make a game about stealing brined, sliced salmon that I think the kids will love: Rob Lox.

For the love of God idk why so many otherwise-intelligent people think Donald Trump is some sort of evil mastermind genius, and not a sundowning octogenarian whose only tactics have ever been to bully and bluster

Depluralize a movie. Return of the Jedus.

Actually we should just give citizenship to every undocumented person in the United States who wants it. Walking over an imaginary line isn't some great moral atrocity. Making people live in the shadows as a permanent underclass absolutely IS.

Someone quoted me and said they're surprised Dems aren't saying this. I think some are, but right now, it needs to be more straightforward. 1. The Strait was open until Trump's actions closed it. 2. The closed strait is why you're feeling wallet pain. 3. Trump + the GOP caused this.

Seriously, Britney lost her autonomy for years over a hell of a lot less than this fucking lunacy.

Heading to Mexico on vacation and I’m going to be disappointed if he kicks it while I’m there. Like, I’m sure there will be plenty of celebrating in Mexico, but I really would like to be in the US when it happens.

Artemis II sent a pic of the beautiful garden planet we are too greedy, lazy, short-sighted, and ungrateful not to destroy:

It’s hard to feel any sense of relief when someone from the Trump administration is fired because the replacement likely will be worse.

one of the things I treasure most about writing is it is one of the vanishingly few remaining pursuits that involves sitting quietly with your own thoughts—something the entire tech industry has mobilized to ensure we never do again

If Kamala Harris was president she'd be giving a speech tonight on what NASA just achieved. Instead, Trump is going to whine about NATO and lie about Iran and be racist.

Adam means that she is the daughter of immigrants, but it is worth emphasizing that *every* U.S. citizen who has not been naturalized is a birthright citizen, either by the 14th Amendment or by statute.

The worm in his brain is 100% driving the bus

LLMs are bad and bad for you.

In what world is it okay for the Defense Secretary to make multi-million dollar investments in defense companies: a) Ever; b) In the run-up to starting a war in the Middle East FT has the scoop: www.ft.com/content/744e... In a functional democracy, he would offer his resignation tonight.

Pope Leo says God rejects prayers of leaders who wage wars reut.rs/4rZIThC

Kash Patel rn

Are their boots going to hover just above the ground?

Every picture of ICE agents in airports is just this again

You won’t need to turn on the news to know it’s happened. You’ll know once you see the unending stream of “Good, I’m glad he’s dead” posts on your social medium of choice.

my god the sheer sound will be deafening

Bernie bros came for me on Muskrat's platform when I quote tweeted this Calude ad saying, "at this point, Bernie’s job seems to be lobbying for Anthropic." So let me elaborate. Bernie has been repeating, almost verbatim, Dario Amodei's talking points, for a while now, even quote tweeting him.🧵

I don't know how to speak about being Jewish right now. michaelianblack.substack.com/p/my-only-pr...

dr. robby: we have a patient in er room 1. health is at 1%. ideas, people me: 1 dose of the correct kind of medicine, stat! dr. mohan: oh my god. patient’s health is now 100% dr. robby: do you want to ride motorcycles with me me: no. i have to go home and post on bluesky — the world’s #1 site

Love this

Big iced tea matchup on Friday

How dare they shoot at the American planes that are bombing the living shit out of them? Why, that could be construed as an act of war!