Heard my cousins talking about stranger things and describing a "demogorogon" so I got them super high and I'm showing them The Thing and the amount of screaming happening rn is possibly my greatest accomplishment

American Canto paperback cover

It must be done, lest our crops whither and our livestock waste away.

CHATGPT: wow George you’re absolutely right. $8,000 is a lot of money. Mary would be better off without you.

Ani Get Your Gungan

in 2026 we are NOT hustling, we are NOT grinding, we are doing just enough Job to have money for Video Game

just hear me out

parents tried to watch one battle after another but when my nephew heard the title he said "you should watch battle bots instead" so now they have watched 10 minutes of the movie and four hours of battle bots

Shout out to my road dogg Pot Bear

Die Hard was actually appropriated from pagans

Which Muppets would have been Ignorance and Want?

Incredible things can happen when you govern even the slightest pushback to this guy

"Wuthering Heights" (2026) starring Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi.

Do you think the five Nazgul that fell for the old "pillows under the sheets" gag told the other four what happened

Belle: hey Scrooge: sup Belle: left the house again Scrooge: lol Scrooge: did they do the song Belle: 🫠

Home Depot Introduces New 12-Foot-Tall Baby Jesus Skeleton https://theonion.com/home-depot-introduces-new-12-foot-tall-baby-jesus-skele-1851069460/

Also funny, in the “every accusation is a confession” file, that this is basically describing January 6

remember to break a rule or else he steals your presents!!

you've been visited by the crimcram crime ram

Leopold Bloom (They’re changing the title to Avengers: Bloomsday.)

The weasels in Roger Rabbit float up to heaven when they die because even the evil toons are unafflicted with human original sin

Who here is doing a double feature of Anaconda and Song Sung Blue, or, as I call it, Neil Diamondback

Who here is doing a double feature of Anaconda and Song Sung Blue, or, as I call it, Neil Diamondback

Uncle Iroh sez

To be read to the tune of “fa la la la la la la la la”

This was a Simpsons B-plot in the 90s; Lisa got 2nd place in a contest and wrote a letter to President Clinton, who stepped in to change the outcome for her. The obvious joke was that Lisa was being a crybaby and Clinton was shirking his duties.

DJ was introducing the next song by saying that Dolly Parton was very explicit about how it’s not a “Christmas song” because it’s about poverty and sadness and the failures of the social safety net, but goddammit, it _is_ a Christmas song, so here it is. Anyway, goddamn is this song bleak.

A gritty reboot of ducktales where huey duey and louie help mine workers in south africa unionize and overthrow flintheart glomgold

Bari only pulled this program after the promos started airing, which means she probably got a phone call. So she's not just bad at her ostensible job of running CBS news, but she's also bad at her *actual* job of running interference for the Trump admin

Current issue of @theonion.com nails it again.

Maybe Bari Weiss could take up boxing

People on 60 Minutes have pretty consistently been brave and willing to give a damn to the point of losing their job rather than sell out their soul and this email is sadly probably going to be a part of that

Bari Weiss is killing stories the right way. by Ezra Klein

the shitstorm that’s already brewing because of Bari’s decision to spike this story is going to end up being vastly more damaging to her and to the admin than allowing the story to air would have been she’s an evil propagandist hack but she is also very bad at doing it in a way that isn’t hamfisted

Worth noting, I guess, that inside of a year we've gone from administration officials taking selfies of themselves at CECOT and bragging about how it's hell on earth to now getting their horrible little media worms to kill stories about it

Ziggy :(

Mr. Beast, all my friends and I were saying how good at boxing you’d be

What a couple of days for “boxing matches in which someone who an incredibly large number of people have longed to see get their asses beat get their asses absolutely beat.”

Avatar: Fire And Ash (2025)

Chicago is having none of this administration's BS.

Secretary of Pestilence joins Secretary of War

Nick Offerman as Chester Bea Arthur