Gotta participate in this year's -tober challenge

In which a top US Border Patrol official, incredibly, tells my tall and Anglo colleague @chipmitchell1.bsky.social that he's not the type they're looking for as they go about downtown Chicago arresting people based on "how they look" chicago.suntimes.com/immigration/...

i think about this post every time i watch a movie

he's just assuming that with so many people there must be thousands of violent lawn waste disputes raging at all times

This is the most insane clip we could ever have they are all standing there on their phones doing nothing, see a random person that’s a shade of brown, and then fucking full tilt sprint at them just bc. There is nothing happening it’s just a horde going around imprisoning people

INTERVIEWER: As you know, we are a nation beset by myriad horrors. What are you doing to fight back? SCHUMER: I have been reaching out to the horrors, many of which are friends, in hopes of working together on this for all Americans. You demand we descend into hell? Well ok, but let's do it right.

there’s a timeline where we don’t have iraq war veterans. sorry the leftists were right too soon again

dont really love being governed by an administration that needs to justify why we have its various policy initiatives coming to us. cant even pretend to try to sell us on why their rule is a good thing, just screechily crowing that we have it coming and its going to get worse

One of the characters in Garden of Order uses magic cocaine to boost their abilities at one point with exactly zero reflection or analysis, whereas I go on about empathy for nature about 7,000 times because I have my priorities straight.

between "everything is computer" and "'Am I watching things on television that are different from what's happening?'" trump really has a way of summing up the era we live in

Alien, 1979. (Directed by Ridley Scott)

i have some great news for Americans who were previously uncomfortable that you could criticize your own government but not that of israel. it's now equally dangerous to criticize them both

the perfect american president would be an extracted rat brain in a jar hooked up to 4mb of RAM and no long-term storage, capable only of articulating a single priority programmed directly by whichever lobbyist has most-recently paid for a turn at the console. and we are so close to perfection

people are giving Bill Burr a lot of shit for doing the Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia, but he's actually just going undercover so he can steal the Orb

LOL "I spoke to the governor, she was very nice. But I said, 'Well wait a minute, am I watching things on television that are different from what's happening? My people tell me different.' They are literally attacking and there are fires all over the place... www.kgw.com/article/news...

this entire cohort came up when engaging in little rhetorical games to placate the base worked as long as they were still delivering political wins (substantive or otherwise) and watching them attempt to keep it going into the trump era feels like seeing a washed-up magician bomb ten tricks in a row

Trails in the Sky: First Chapter rules. Great experience. For those who never played the original, it definitely gets too anime at times (derogatory), but it’s also really anime (complementary).

nobody on earth wishes you more harm than the people in power and their financial backers

Justice Kavanaugh: “If the person is a U. S. citizen or otherwise lawfully in the United States, that individual will be free to go after the brief encounter.”

“Can the president tell what is real and what is not real” is a pretty simple and important question and I think the answer seems pretty clear

There is a difference between righteous anger, directed at injustice, and hateful anger, directed at those who are different. Authoritarian regimes deliberately conflate the two to silence criticism and create false equivalence. It's important we don't let those in power succeed in this endeavor.

at what point does a government lose all legitimacy

ugh. I hate having to rearrange my wooden cutting board and chef’s knife to make room for my cast iron pan in the dishwasher

these live action remakes are getting out of hand

my scientists say to me, mr president, we got the best medbeds in the world. i saw on tv they recreated a woman from just her hand. beautiful woman by the way, it’s amazing what science can do. then the channel switched to a loud talk show host on a cruise. i didn’t care for him

jc denton: word on the street is people can get anything from you. vaccines. drugs. even bofa. deus ex npc: what's bofa? jc denton, pulling out gun: i'm asking the questions here.

the daily caller published a call to violence of the left yesterday, a news organization that has connections to the heritage foundation

Goddamn. But also: me if your dad’s a doctor

gas station hot dog roller is the only medbed i’ll ever need

The medbed thing is funny but maybe it’s bad that the press has no interest in evaluating whether the president has functioning reality-testing

I hate it when a curiously gregarious pair of thugs, one large and one wiry, surprise me and beat the hell out of me in an attempt to ward me off of a mystery but who instead only confirm to me that I'm onto something.

If you’re looking for a song about smoke on the water, Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple has to be right up there

yeah i think he fell for ai lol

"I want you to draw and quarter me like one of your seditious French girls." - The traitor Kate Winslet

Refresh your supply of blood with our special release Blood: Refreshed Supply coming to PC and consoles later this year! 🩸

a cash prize for the first person to make trump tweet the phrase ‘nanomachines son’

johnny cash just tried to offload his empire of dirt on me. told him the same thing i told trent reznor and you know what he said? "what's Quake?"

it makes me physically ill and i have to go to the hospital when i see how everyone is constantly exaggerating everything

hakeem jeffries (terminator eyes reading the room in great detail and producing a perfectly tailored message for the moment): Three cheers for our beloved American healthcare system!

SCHUMER: what are we gonna do hakeem... how can we win them back over JEFFRIES: i got this JEFFRIES (into mic): Bipartisan welfare reforms 😐

Senator: (posting on bluesky) The president told his supporters to prepare for the “Night Of One Thousand Screams.” Might I suggest he instead hold the Night Of One Thousand Bipartisan Discussions Of Job Creation Opportunities

What’s your sign?

going back in time to kill a particular prehistoric butterfly, the death of which i believe ought to set off a chain of events unbroken over eons that will eventually result in the hiring of a particularly clumsy nurse who goes on to drop baby hitler out a fourth storey window

Senator: (after spending 8 hours crafting the perfect tweet) Instead of acting illegally, the president should consider the price of turnips at the grocery

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i had a dream where gary larson came out of retirement for a new Far Side book and half of it was a fanfic about The Lion King where Simba tried to figure out what cow tools were used for.