About to start passive aggressively mailing some relatives The Diary of Anne Frank

Next time I’m at a work function where we have to do an icebreaker and tell everyone something interesting about ourselves I’m gonna say “Jesus Christ died for my sins and rose from the grave to conquer death for all of us” and just let the awkwardness take over the room

Summers in South Texas are ungodly, it’s so fucking hot and humid you’re angry just because you have to exist. There’s at least three months out of the year that being inside in the air conditioning is an absolutely necessity. It’s weather that just makes you want to fight everything.

While I’m complaining about some people in this scene I should go ahead and promote my own solo show debuting tomorrow. No AI. No hate speech. Just pure weird comedy addressing mental stuff with puppets. Plus some anti-ICE sentiment thrown in there

There’s a local stand-up who sucks. Straight up saying hate crimes into a mic. Shitty energy. Last month he tried to get some crowd work off my trans friend and he just crashed and left the stage after two minutes. Anyways, I haven’t seen his name on any flyers in a minute. I hope he quit. 😃

The fuck?! 18x24 and 16x20 custom posters are the same price at Staples, they’re two different sizes, shouldn’t the smaller one cost less?

Salted caramel tastes like crying candy

I’m just a kid from a small Texas town who doesn’t understand how this big, wide world works but I feel like “the Epstein Estate” is something that should only exist in past tense. Anything that man left behind that wasn’t evidence should be razed to the ground

“In the future everyone will have to wear a gas mask for at least 15 minutes a day” -Resistance Andy Warhol

1. This is disgustingly bizarre and the wealthy are fucking weird 2. This looks like one of those dancing clips that you could slap any Phish song over and it would look like they’re jamming to Phish

Just added The Coup’s “Pork and Beef” to my ACAB playlist. What’s on your ACAB playlist?

I love a good karma attack on the enemy @denizcamp.bsky.social @terrydodsonart.bsky.social

The collapse of democracy is really bad for one’s attention span

ICE is hitting San Antonio hard. My solo show debuts on Friday. The greatest therapist in the world can’t convince me that my modicum of “success” isn’t responsible for our neighbors being terrorized and that I should cancel my show run and ICE will leave. Fuck ICE. Fuck my brain.

I love how music goes through this cyclical thing where guitar and synths trade popularity every few years. Anyways, the kids are playing guitar again.

This is some cool news in our uncool world

My attention span disorder is making it hard to remember which horrible situation in the world I was worried about a minute ago, I know it was horrible but my brain just can’t retain the horrors

What the fuck? Is there only one Staples in the 7th largest city in this country? Just one Staples? Just one?

Alright, look, fuck Scott Adams, but the Dilbert animated series was pretty good, if I remember correctly. Larry Charles mostly treated it like a Seinfeld side project, especially with the voice cast. It deviated enough from the source material that it felt like a totally different Dilbert

Is it weird to invite my former therapist to my puppet show that’s kinda inspired by something she said once? *I only stopped going because I no longer had the job that paid for my insurance **the show isn’t any kind of dig at her, the joke is all about my raging anxiety

I fucking forgot how much I love editing videos. Fuck AI, y’all, the process is where it’s at

Remember when rap songs would just name a bunch of cities in the outro tag? Real 1999-2001 shit.

Fuck AI. Come see my puppet show.

If I were a sexy pop star lady I would make a music video that’s super sexy and that song is a banger about how ICE agents should [redacted] themselves

Cheetah and Cheshire Rob the Justice League has one of the most satisfying endings! It’s good! @gregrucka.com knocked it out of the fucking park. And the art by @nicolascottart.bsky.social gave each character such personality and defined them visually. That’s a damn good book from front to back.

He y’all, so I wanted to apologize for everything being terrible. This is all my fault. I finally have a solo show coming up this week and, as my anxiety tells me, whenever I’m doing well everyone else is has to suffer. It’s just the balance of the universe and no therapist can tell me otherwise.

I feel like the standard pleas for morality and decency don’t land with ICE agents because they have such a wildly disparate standard of insult they’ll respond to. It’s childish but I think we should be yelling “Kid Rock thinks you’re gay!” or “you keep getting catfished because no one loves you!”

I just learned about the Billy Joel organ/drums metal duo Attila, it’s a wild sound, he’s doing some crazy shit with the organ. The drums are so tight and fills are monstrous I got some Janet Weiss vibes off it

Which Fox News host has the mom who thinks he’s a douchebag? Is it Jesse Watters?

It’s kinda cool that the Communist Manifesto mentions vampires. We don’t talk about that enough.

Democratic politicians refuse to take seriously the fact that the USA is run by 18,000 law enforcement agencies all largely in the tank for MAGA. All despite people begging them to listen.

if i'm locked in a dungeon i'd pretend the chained up skeleton is always roasting the guards. HAha careful dude, Paul is RIGHT there! then i don't have to come up with material but i'm still preying on their insecurities. if they remove the skeleton i know i've won. i made you believe. THAT'S power

Oh hell no, they rearranged the grocery store! This is bullshit!

MTV’s Wanna Be a VJ Contest

What if we just gave him a Nobel Unprecedented Soulless Monster Award? I think both sides would agree to that. He just want awards, he doesn’t care what they’re for

I get very uncomfortable when y'all get upset with the monster who murdered Renee Good calling her a bitch in one breath and then cheering on some buffoon who claims to be a Viet Nam vet calling ICE agents a bitch the next. Is there also a situation to celebrate someone who says, n*gger too?

lol sorry but women need to be meaner to men in 2026

This antique store has a concerning amount of Nazi memorabilia. And I mean full on historical decorative swastika shit. But I don’t go to antique stores a lot so maybe it’s the normal amount

Medicare for all but also hospital parking for all There is no fucking reason why I should have to pay Disneyland prices to park to visit my loved one in the hospital

Bro, dude, bruh, bruh, the on ramp is designed to give you time to speed up so you’re not going 45 on the highway. Some civil engineer designed this whole thing so you can speed up and match highway speed. Bro, dude, bro, you’re getting on the highway. Speed up, bro, this is dangerous, dude.

ICE needs to get the fuck out of San Antonio, too!

I hope Bad Bunny’s Superbowl performance is just 10 minutes of smashing ICE piñatas

Whoever invented pet rent must be a friendless loser who hates cute animals

I didn’t know Office Max and Office Depot are now the same company and it bugs me more than I thought it would

Fuck AI. Come see my puppet show.

Also, fun fact: my librarian sister was once the volunteer chauffeur for the author of “If You Give A Mouse a Cookie” for a convention appearance and that lady’s needy behavior was eerily close to a certain needy-ass mouse

Interesting fact: James Marshall was from San Antonio. Then he escaped.

It’s one thing to make shitty AI-generated flyers for comedy shows and concerts. It fucking sucks and it looks terrible. But it pales in comparison to the horror of AI-generated images in children’s books and the scumbags who have no problem shoving AI slop in front of developing brains for a buck

My phone tells me when a number calling me is a “spam risk,” so why don’t we have the technology to make spam callers’ phones explode in their hands? I just want these monsters to suffer, is that so much to ask?

Alcohol companies in January put out advertisements like “Dry January? It will be with our dry vermouth,” and it just reiterates how completely garbage marketing people are in their souls. Can’t even let people have a month away from your poison. I wish Hell existed. Fuck every ad agency.