Q) How do you know when @ricardoautobahn.co.uk has a new speeding ticket? A) Spray are performing and need to raise funds to pay it... I've bought a ticket, it's going to be much better night than watching the World Cup...🤞

well that's fucking amazing. good lord, lmao, thank god this comedian pulled it out of the fire.

BINFACE NEWS! To those humans asking where you can see me in the flesh: I don't have flesh, but after my Makerfield triumph I'm having a (Moral) Victory Rally at the Museum of Comedy, London on Thurs 9th July. 20:30. Come get some space, satire and sanity! www.museumofcomedy.com/count-binfac...

Letter in here from Phil, a young Dad of 2. He says, 'is there any justifiable reason why prices shoot up whenever there's a school holiday?' Yes, absolutely Phil. It's because we have you by the bollocks and there's absolutely f**k all you can do about it. Next question...

There's only about five tickets left and by god we'll be furious if we don't get to say "it's a sell out". So come and see the hottest band in the world (Spray), the most successful band on the bill (Cuban Boys) and whoever the Pound Shop Boys are. www.eventbrite.com/e/spray-x-cu...

Doctor Trivago

It’s the 10th anniversary of Brexit. Let’s have a look at how that’s going: 1974-2016: 7 prime ministers 2016-2026: 7 prime ministers I said it then. I’ll say it again. It’s a shitshow.

Bit greedy, Andy. Share the jobs, mate.

Speechless.

And den hi go take dem to di bowling alley

Armed forces day 2026 - A day we proudly salute our armed forces 🇬🇧

Ever climbed into a car that's been baking in the sun and wondered why our biggest car parks don't have roofs? The Government was considering exactly that. It has now quietly parked the idea. Here's why it matters.

England football fans From the new Private Eye, in shops now.

Travis Kelce Utters 2 Syllables Of Wedding Venue Name Before Tranq Dart Strikes Neck

Can somebody please tell Trump that there are more than 30 cities and towns in the United States named after Manchester in England.

The 10th anniversary of the Brexit vote is a good time to remember the man who negotiated the biggest act of self-harm in our history, selling out farming & fishing, erecting huge barriers to trade and making everyone worse off, just because he fancied a bash at being PM.

"Dear Diary, Made the foolish mistake of doing a couple of interviews today. Thought I could deal with questions about the £5 million by saying "None of your business!" but it seems I'm expected to be 'accountable' in some way. As if! Where do people get these weird ideas from?"

To those who say “this is not the Brexit I voted for”, you voted for an impossible fantasy, sold to you by grifting gobshites with no interest in reality or what was actually possible. You got exactly what you voted for.

Actually THIS is the best Keir Starmer lectern photo as he looks like a frog leaping over a street lamp

No contest.

Whilst I'm an atheist, I'm also not in favour of war

I miss the old door.

If rumours are to be believed I'll be living with a seventh different Prime Minister shortly. If it carries on like this I'm going to stop making the effort to learn their names.

Nobody from Reform was available to appear on the Laura Kuenssberg show due to us not wanting to talk about our disastrous result in Makerfield and the fact that I'm still in hiding.

#OtD 22 Jun 1948 the Empire Windrush arrived in Tilbury docks bringing the first group of 492 Jamaicans to the UK. They had answered an appeal for workers from the UK which needed to rebuild following World War II, amidst an acute labour shortage shop.workingclasshistory.com/collections/...

Until Keir Starmer emerges from Number 10 and makes an announcement he’s Schrödinger's Prime Minister.

Many of the replies to Keir Starmer's Fathers Day post are vile. No-one has the right to comment on a father/son relationship they know nothing about. Hillary Benn suffered similar abuse when a 5 minute read of Tony Benn's diaries revealed a very close bond based on mutual respect and love.

I don't have to pretend I like beer when the photo is for the Telegraph. When I'm not performing for the gullible oiks, I go for cigars and G&T.

“Dad dancing? Sooooo EMBARRASSING!” From the Private Eye archive. Issue 1504, September 2019. ➡️ There’s still time to get your dad a Private Eye gift subscription for Father’s Day. All offers here: subsonline.co.uk

Man who screwed the country for decades and knocked 8% off GDP says what?

Thats It 😻He has been chosen

It’s the longest day of the year. Just been talking to a Vegan.

FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: 18 Jun 2026 - New Adelphi Club, Hull; 20 Jun 2026 - Cambridge Junction https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

This evening's Low Quality Ad is for this Nessie Ladle. Good news, the Loch Ness Monster is real! Bad news, we know this because RFK Jr. discovered it. He decapitated the legendary creature and disposed of its head in a Waffle House bathroom. www.amazon.com/dp/B09QCZT3D...

Delighted that the Bayeux Tapestry is returning to England in July, after nearly 1,000 years. The 70 metre long tapestry depicts the events leading to the Battle of Hastings in 1066 and the very first French Air Traffic Control strike.

On the beach in Majorca right now with wine, friends and then going to a Michelin star restaurant soon. I looked at my girlfriend & said 'this is the life isn't it?' She just ignored me. Fine, I won't Facetime her again.

Britain's next Prime Minister.

I am over your moon at all the kind comments about the Battle of #Makerfield. If you like what I do, you can support me at ko-fi.com/countbinface, subscribe to my substack at BetterThanX.co.uk or grab yourself some merch at binfaceshop.co.uk. Peace and love, CB x

It seems a good day to remind people that in the UK 3 times as many people work in Indian restaurants or for McDonalds as in the whole coal and steel industry. 5 times as many are academic staff at universities. If Labour does not understand its electorate, there is no way to appeal to it.