i hope everyone has a wonderful weekend while i get fucking wasted on the water

Getting yelled at online because your country sucks is not a human rights violation

"you can't celebrate the 4th, you can't root for the US soccer team" You are devoid of joy and wonder and happiness, you aren't going to make it.

Achievement Unlocked: Peak Millennial Dad Turn your Skinny Jeans into Cutoffs

u know i love you when im drunk texting you at 9:30am

why does everyone look more attractive fresh out the shower, what the hell dawg

since its going to be a million fucking degrees inland, i am going to the shore to get drunk and go kayaking because fuuuuuccckk thaaatttt

kissing you gently as i fall asleep 🫶

ever ask yourself exactly what you found interesting about a person?

Maybe one of the biggest life hacks you can do is 1. Make your bed everyday 2. Repeat affirmations every day

acceptable times for americans to cheer for their own side: • in sports • in WW2 movies • in online arguments against europeans

i want mushrooms so fuckin bad bro

my nipples itchy af

oh thats why

the air smells like wet cardboard

watching plays on youtube and sipping twisted tea, the way the good lord intended

*parent hands child 3 octagonal coins with the shape of a water droplet engraved in their surface* parent: "heres some lunch money.." parent sends them off to their hoverbus, glancing at the thermometer, notices the record high of 143 degrees, lets out a deep sigh, and returns to her computer.

selling cocaine cut with citric acid to people whom have mildly inconvenienced me

"avoiding heatstroke in the baptism tent" sounds like the name of a fall out boy song circa 2006

me, still:

you ever just wanna fill a pool with jello and lay in it?

trans people don't owe you gender conformity. just use their preferred pronouns, it's not difficult.

dril has led to so many people thinking theyre dril

i was contemplating watching Project Hail Mary but.. it's just Sunshine? but with Ryan Gosling and his pet rock??

Gm to all my fellow lapsed Catholics having a chuckle this morning

ever been so content you forget about the people who never appreciated you?

oh its flooding

going to get unreasonably high and watch a movie on call goodnight friends 💚

i see the game is going well

marked safe from having any idea of what people are talking about

what a perfect day

happy day of imperial colonization 2: commonwealth boogaloo

off to get day drunk off wine with my best friend because fuck yeah

Schism bro? Schism today bro? What’s up? Are we schismatic today bro?

basically it was like this

reminder that you don't get to act with impunity just because you have good politics

[post gets 0 likes] I stand by it

for July we do Wrath agreed?

I guess Canada is exactly as strong and united or weak and divided as Carney needs it to be to make whatever point he's making in that exact moment.

if you have some goofy vision of a thing that you've never seen before, which nobody online seems to have exactly made before, and whose techniques and materials you aren't even quite sure about, just dive in and start making it... the journey will be as cool as the final product

they should make a me that can focus on a task for more than an hour

no actually i think the soul comes from the capability to delete sys32 or similar

Happy Commonwealth Boogaloo, amigo

well that's fucking amazing. good lord, lmao, thank god this comedian pulled it out of the fire.

dont you hate when youve been consuming content for a couple days, and then they say some whack shit outta nowhere that makes you revaluate how you see them

like we are literally experiencing nazi shit and you're talking about how the existence of aliens will change everything. bitch shut the fuck up everything changing is happening now oh my god. it isn't profound. existence is profound, anti intellectual americancentrism on a galactic scale is not.

she leaned in and stuck a blunt in my mouth before opening the door for me i am doomed

talking to someone that takes the time to understand you is a highly underrated experience 11 stars no notes

im one bad day away from replying to the usual refrain 'this will hurt cis women too' with 'good, maybe then they'll fucking learn to stand up for us then'