I know a guy that eats the orange with the peel still on. Same energy.

Happy 50% of candy day #Halloween 🎃

Guillermo del Toro on wealth: "a wealthy man is a man who has enough, not a man that needs more. If you have enough to invite someone for a beer? You're rich. If you have a yacht, planes, islands, and you still need more? You're not rich."

Why are we allowed to dress up silly one day out of the year? Why can't it be everyday? 😔

Nothin else for it

A leader of the Proud Boys became pro prison reform once he was sent to prison in DC. Ig it's different when you're the one locked up lmfao

I work in a pharmacy. I'm gonna be using this joke at work DAILY. 🤣

crazy to think that the nintendo direct announcement is the most important thing that happened today

Back in college, I started selling these pins as a joke. Let's keep it going. #charliekirk #turningpointsusa You can buy my toiletpaperusa pins here. www.redbubble.com/i/pin/TP-USA...

Spotify recommended the Communist Manifesto to me today. It knows too much.

I rescued a rabbit next to a bus stop. He lives with me now. ❤️ He also doesn't like carrots....

I'll never be this cool

God, why can't we have this in America?

My prevailing feeling these days is come on, man

MY MOM

Happy Pride. Tell all the straight folks in your life to give you five dollars because it's like Gay Christmas.

decades-long manhunt finally ends

Idk what this is, but I like it

I feel like Disney's remakes would be fine if they didn't go out of their way to mess with the story in a way that fundamentally goes against the original movie's intentions

Phew?

I love how you don't even have to say who it is. We all know who the guy in the left is. 😮‍💨

Beat another New Year Resolution today. I donated some blood!!!

Just bought Schedule I. I keep getting arrested by police that look like Muppets lol. 5/5 🌟

Sinners (2025)

The year is 2006. The housing market is about to crash. You fire up Oblivion on PC. The year is 2025. The housing market is about to crash. You fire up Oblivion on PC.

I’m not opposed to “ideological diversity” on here in the sense that I’ll be exposed to ideas I disagree with, I’m opposed to it because those people aren’t funny and post bad

Wait so isn’t anyone who raises chickens technically a chicken tender?

Oh no. All those jobs I've been putting off aren't actually that difficult. How embarrassing

Gender rolls

My coworker found out I'm changing my name and told me I can't because of "paperwork". Yes, and? Just tell me that you think Alex is a horrible name lol

I'm fucking dying lmfao

what's an irish swimmer's favorite stroke? margaret thatcher's

Too late :(

My fucking dryer broke and it's raining. :( I'm having a day

[doing my daily affirmations in the mirror] i am the horror and i will be persisting

It's Over - Gator Days

I finished another New Year resolution! I found a place to live! In a few days I will no longer be homeless! Hooray!!! :) I think thr next resolution will be to buy my friends gifts as thanks for supporting me ❤️

This #ValentinesDay a customer at work gave me some candy and a bear. He said it was "cute that I give myself star stickers at the end of my shift". Star stickers are under rated encouragement boosters.

One of my favorite things to be accused of is doing stuff “for attention” Bro, I’ve got a naturally 85 decibel speaking voice, and huge naturals. I’ve never had to beg for attention.

The only good thing to come from the French language

When I said I liked it rough I didn't mean my entire life.

America:

Just jaywalked in front of a cop, I'll never be that powerful ever again

This is gonna keep me up tonight, FUCK