HORATIO: Look, my lord, it comes. HAMLET’S DAD’S GHOST: (rockets past at inconceivable speed) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

We love swallow preening, don't we??? 🪶

When you really confront the engineering challenge of blowing up the Earth with a giant laser you quickly realize it's just not worth it.

problematic bite strength gap relationship

Wrt bsky dying and leftist scold discourse I do wonder how much of the "I'm not political" thing in American culture is really saying "I'm not comfortable with performative cruelty"

@sarahkelly.bsky.social You deleted your post about airtags and adhd! As someone who theoretically owns four umbrellas I am very interested in this topic. Always eager to start a new project 🙃

had a fever dream that there was a podcast you could watch called Three Brew One Brown where legendary math educator Grant Sanderson had people on to discuss science and math current events with a three drink minimum

Seems to me if you think you have divine sanction for your warmongering when it goes badly you have to consider the opposite proposition but they never seem to!

Why would you reboot a movie that came out 5-10 years ago?

"Fire 10,000 workers and replace them with $200/month AI platform subscriptions!" ... "Wait... Did you actually think we were going to charge with $200/month after you fired all your workers and committed your business to us? For real? LOL. LMAO even."

I like the Beths

My uncs hanging out at the family function

[gruff cowboy voice] you just lived your laugh love, partner.

If you want revenge, then dig two graves. the first one is a practice grave to get a feel for it and the second is your main or "show grave"

"i have two Microsoft Outlooks, and neither one of those are working." The Astronauts truly representing us all up there.

you’re either frolicking in a field with me or frolicking in a field against me

You've bin hit by You've been struck by A car

Our president has a wet brain. Some say the wettest brain

There was a series of tweets on how to describe the band Cake to anyone under 30 ("spoken word poetry at a bowling alley", "Weezer with a trumpet", "half-time ska because the guitarist has carpal tunnel") that slaughtered me at the time

Hi lamb! We love your idea to nuke the moon into dust! One small hitch: buzzball has paid for the rights to moon through 2027, they’re planning on pretending it’s a big buzzball in the sky that you can’t drink and it glows and changes shape

*snickers* oh, was there a spaceball today?

There are now 10 toilets in Space International Space Station: 4 Crew Dragon Docked at ISS: 1 Soyuz Docked at ISS: 1 Tiangong Space Station: 2 Shenzhou Docked at TSS: 1 Artemis II on way around Moon: 1 This will be the first time a toilet has left low earth orbit!

You wouldn't download a photon...

Today's the day.

Adam means that she is the daughter of immigrants, but it is worth emphasizing that *every* U.S. citizen who has not been naturalized is a birthright citizen, either by the 14th Amendment or by statute.

The number of times a character in star trek turns to the camera and tells us that capitalism nearly destroyed the human species

Every year, hundreds of people walk silently through the streets of Minneapolis… looking at the windows of the houses. It's the Wedge Cat Tour: the residents put the cats in the window and the crowd stops to admire them. Yes. This exists. 😹

The government has to fucking do something about this. We can't be letting our phone infrastructure carry fraudulent court documents. Get your shit together and make phones safe again.

really, the best sort of character you can create is a woman who is both a mad scientist and a pervert. no question about that.

Shout out to soup. One of the greats

We have to fund basic research in this country

an incredible evening for taking a walk and breathing air in Chicago, Illinois

hello 👋 i have developed a new tool called blüuümpíi. blüuümpíi will convert every file on your hard drive to a .wav file without asking you, maximize your system volume, and play them on every bluetooth speaker you have ever connected to. if you offer feedback on blüuümpíi i will take legal action

Sure wish awkward moments didn't play in my head on repeat

I've now lost 60 lbs and the thing I least anticipated is how much more unpleasant sitting on benches is

This feels weird. A lot of reporting is sounding very much like "how long will this take to get back to normal" when there's no sign in the short term that normality will return at all It's like 2020 Covid reporting

this is what they took from you

SESAME STREET EXEC 1: kids love bright colours, so how about a bunch of humanoid puppets in red, green, blue, orange, yellow SESAME STREET EXEC 2: ooh what if the yellow one had a head like a banana? SESAME STREET EXEC 1: I love it, yes. banana head DIVERSITY HIRE GOTH: there should be a vampire

CBC announcing this like Monster Hunter patch notes

We should be embarrassed by the number of car dealerships we have

VOLITION - Subdue the regret. Dust yourself off, proceed. You'll get it in the next life, where you don't make mistakes. Do what you can with this one, while you're alive.

found a sichuan restaurant that doesn't sub zucchini for wosun lfg

organizing a no kings protest in front of the lion exhibit at the zoo. not today, simba

Getting out there socially more and leaving a trail of mild annoyance and awkwardness. I'm a menace

I think we need to celebrate the death of Sora a bit more. This is a technology that, just MONTHS AGO, we were being told was going to literally destroy Hollywood and Disney was going to give them a BILLION DOLLARS and NONE OF THAT EVEN REMOTELY HAPPENED

Accidentally Upsetting Yourself and other ways to suffer constantly pre-order your copy now!