One of the most competent politicians we’ve ever had, but stooopid voters screwed us.

It's the only way you were able to be elected.

You see how little this administration cares about you, my fellow Americans….

a perfect sketch. one of the funniest things ever put to film, imo youtu.be/n-Bfkc6lZok?...

Trump is literally dozing off AGAIN in the middle of a meeting, head lolling like a broken bobblehead. 😴 This is extremely concerning and screams there’s something seriously wrong with him. The guy can’t even stay awake for his own photo op. How is he running the country?

Staggering levels of corruption. They’re using every possible lever of power to enrich themselves and their friends and families. And the “party of fiscal responsibility” simply doesn’t care.

Basically every national story in politics these days is “unqualified person terrible at job, disaster results; person promoted”

Can't wait for my teenager to finish exams so we can move on to his summer school courses: Laundry 101, How to Properly Close a Bag of Chips, Hygiene in the Time of Puberty, and Sibling Conflict Resolution

“At one point they wanted cheaper gas and cheaper eggs and a generally cheaper cost of living. But the price of pretty much everything has only gone up. At one point they demanded the release of the Epstein files then Trump’s name showed up all over those files and they suddenly stopped caring.”

The president posted 25 times today instead of attending his son's wedding celebration

Every summer I repost this article on how to spot drowning. Please read it and pass on. In the last few years I’ve had SIX messages from people who saved a kid’s life after clicking on the link from my feed. slate.com/technology/2...

Kids are so exhausting that you could easily go to bed as early as they do, but parenting is so stressful that you need to stay up late just to come down from it

Somewhere out there right now is a kid who has the dream of being the most corrupt president in US history. I am here to tell you to give it up. You will never reach the levels of corruption reached on a daily basis right now. It's like Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game. You're not going to beat it

Damn shame usa doesn't live in a real democracy anymore.

Just wanted to let you know that the IRS has audited every president annually for decades now to ensure there was no corruption and the reason you didn't know that was because only one president found that to be a problem

Allergies got me walking around looking like a front-facing-camera selfie

This pup was absolutely not digging in the dirt. Everybody knows that would require a permit. Thinks you have a whole lot of nerve accusing him of breaking municipal laws with no evidence. 12/10 (IG: san_francisco_rott)

We really wanted to introduce you to Vanilla. She has the daintiest handshake we've ever witnessed. 14/10 (IG: bordercollievanilla)

what do you call it when the president steals an unfathomable amount of wealth from the treasury and then declares it illegal to investigate him

Sex is great and all but have you ever imagined life without Trump as president?

Get married and have kids so instead of spending a nice spring night sitting on the porch with a drink you can get a migraine half-watching an incomprehensible animated movie before having your 8000th argument about why it’s time for bed

I get that this time could be different but I've seen enough REPREHENSIBLE SCUMBAG (R) 51 - NORMAL GUY WHO GREW UP HERE (D) 48 results out of Texas to assume it'll flip after OH, AK and IA.

I have never been a supporter of Donald Trump, but if the woke left continues to cast black people as mythological heroines, I will have no choice but to hold my nose and vote for him again in 2028.

What is the most unhelpful creature on earth and why is it a 15yo

i follow so many hot people h anging o n by a t hread

I GET LOGGED OUT. BUT I LOG IN AGAIN

This looks and sounds like a letter read aloud in a Wes Anderson movie by one of his precocious boys or broken men

My husband was on the 2 train and a guy started braying about how Renee Good deserved to die and her "lesbian lover" did too. My husband got pissed and said, "You're absolutely disgusting." "Fuck you!" the guy said. "Fuck YOU!" my husband said. The guy left. See? We just need to talk to each other.

““Anxiety” was after Venezuela but before Renee Good. “Anxiety” was after the ongoing Epstein Files cover-up but before the January 6th whitewashing. “Anxiety” was after the constant lying but before the latest lies. Anxiety has given way to outrage and terror.” READ AND SUBSCRIBE!

“Their brain is wired differently. Differently from yours, which makes it harder for you to understand them, and differently from most people’s, which makes it easier for them to feel alone. My 15-year-old has ADHD.” READ AND SUBSCRIBE!

The world does not stop and start at your convenience!!! #nokings

“Every once in a while, when one of my posts breaks containment and reaches a new audience, I get more than I bargained for. For example, over the weekend, I posted something on Threads, and I did not anticipate the response. It has over 300 comments, and maybe 5 are positive.“ READ AND SUBSCRIBE!

Tylenol causes autism, the Rapture is on Tuesday, Trump cares about other people... MAGA will believe anything except facts, reality, science, and women.

So cool they discovered the cause of autism on basically day they guessed they would. I’m also glad they are withholding this information for a few days to prep for a WrestleMania-style announcement. This is how science works.

Do you ever just get sad about how many people have fully embraced anti-intellectualism?

Literally the only good thing about taking a road trip with two kids is the fact that I don't have three kids

fantastic foreskins

“Irony” is defined as parents of small children celebrating something called Independence Day

I regret to inform you that due to entirely foreseen circumstances that literally everyone warned me about, I have officially graduated from desperately wanting my son to leave me alone for five minutes to desperately wanting my son to hang out with me for five minutes

Every summer morning, my kid runs into the bedroom and excitedly asks, "what's the plan today?" Bro, if I were the kind of person who made plans, you'd be hours away at sleepaway camp and l'd still be asleep. I've failed us both.

Can’t wait for my teenager to finish exams so we can move on to his summer school courses: Laundry 101, How to Properly Close a Bag of Chips, Hygiene in the Time of Puberty, and Sibling Conflict Resolution

Called my dad to wish him a Happy Father's Day and we spent the whole time discussing back pain and ibuprofen. The circle is now complete.

Went to the doctor for some lower back pain and he diagnosed me with being my age

“What is stopping the Christians-in-name-only, who’ve spent their lives proclaiming the good news and asking others what Jesus would do, from fighting for the values they supposedly hold most dear?” READ AND SUBSCRIBE!

The cruelty in today's politics feels horribly corrosive. Bringing up that hard-working immigrant families — undocumented, yes, but not violent criminals — are being ripped apart based on immigration status doesn't bring compassion or even pause, but gleeful cheers.

"Bluesky sucks" says the corporation trying to get you to go back to the Hellsite owned by a weirdly moist, self-declared 53 year old "meme lord" who lies about being good at video games & wants to DM slide your girlfriend to ask her have his 1127th secret baby because "it would be so epic lmao"

New euphemism for authoritarian lawlessness just dropped

Descartes: I think therefore I am Me, who hasn’t had a thought since 2003: you do what

I got "weed whacking" and "whacking off" confused and now my landscaper offered to work for free.

Calvin & Hobbes is widely regarded as one of the greatest comic strips of all time and I feel like we STILL underrate it.