My students are always learning my six sacred techniques then trying to use them against me in battle. Obviously I'm going to use the secret seventh technique to defeat them. Every day with this.

Please. One more time.

You simply would not catch me playing basketball against the coward and fool victor wembanyama. Oh you’re a million feet tall? I’m 5’8 and I’ve stabbed the ball with a knife. Get bent you big weirdo, get down from there

Orenthal Games Anunoby

more like the orlando tragic, in many ways

I can't believe this. @normcharlatan.bsky.social you're a Minnesota Legend, my man.

and Rory has to put the green jacket on himself now yes? has to stand behind himself, throw it in the air, then run to where he would be and try to catch it onto his body, is that correct?

dan hurley a whole bitch

this Michigan team may be the best college basketball team to have ever briefly trailed Northwestern by 15 points before eventually winning comfortably

not normally a shot caller but ink it, Trey Mckenney POY next year

is leading a top 5? 10? all time Kenpom team by 16 at the half in the final four with your best player injured good? or bad? thank you for your attention to this matter

Pastor…allow me to formally invite you to Giant Robot Fight Club www.instagram.com/giantrobotfi...

This obviously very stupid but is it also smart? We’ll talk to some liars after this break.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to bomb this elementary school full of kids because he thinks it makes him look cool. also his scheming viziers will be betting money on it for fun. good luck soldier

Ten glorious years of a guy who has mostly been the president and always been the main character of American political life doing posts like this and everyone trying to figure out what cable news segment he saw, misunderstood in the way a dog might misunderstand a crossword, and made into policy.

something I have determined after exactly 1 viewing experience is that to be a short track speed skater you have to be incredibly joker-level fucked up

“Mr. Beast Salesforce ad” - they’re calling it the least appealing phrase ever assembled in any language. They finally did it

it’s genuinely reassuring to me that this is the most miserable and paranoid person in the entire world

the democrats are the kinda people who would theatrically release Morbius a third time if they vould

after 50 years in the game she was still throwing absolute gas out of the bullpen on The Studio

Catherine O’Hara was the fucking goat. Cookie Fleck is eternal to me. This walk should’ve made her immortal makeagif.com/i/rV71fV

the day it happens should eventually be a flag day-tier national holiday. Like we would never give it a shred of reverence but it should be a thing where we go “haaaa remember?” every year and the tradition is to throw some piss on a representative totem if you can’t make it to the actual gravesite

Tom Homan looks like a guy whose sole thing is getting impotently angry at two of the Marx brothers torturing him at his lemonade stand

SPENCER: Spencer banana shake. Cookout Spencer flavor shake SURBUR: No, Spencer. Don’t get a banana milkshake. SPENCER: Good flavor good Spencer give beautiful Spencer deserve banana SURBUR: there are better flavors. Banana is a bad choice. SPENCER: jealousy surbur @shutdownfullcast.bsky.social

Politics hasn't been this simple in a long time: do you think it's good for one man to exercise unchecked, arbitrary power or not. Those are the two available ideologies right now

1-877-Warz-4-Oil

Trinifather Chambliss

doing this but for POP TARTS

MORMONS SHALL TASTE THE SECULAR FLESH OF THE WILD BERRY

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

feliz na’vi dad

ok so y’know how muppet Christmas carol is one regular guy (Michael Caine) and all muppets right so what about the other way, one muppet and everyone else is people. Reverse Muppet Christmas Carol starring beeker, is my point

“the cursed earth the Browns were built on” sneaking in there like a stan lee cameo

saw Skyscraper with like 20-30 friends and when the skyscraper first appeared we went absolutely nuts

Brian Kelly rehired effective immediately

My first call is to Jesse Minter.

eeeeeeeeeeeeee *deep inhale* eeeeeeyup.

the owns in the how do you solve a problem like maria song are fucking devastating

rfk jr moaning in olivia nuzzi's ear

Imagining Paul atreides charming the pants off of the baron harkonnen as a horrified guild watches on

incognito browsing: sneaky lookin’ at naughty vids incog-neat-o browsing: sneaky lookin’ at cross sections of old boats

I need "Stats are down but he played great" to make it into the lexicon.

has anyone done “pokemon go down on my husband” yet

haven’t beseeched in a while. might fuck around and beseech something tonight