In 1862, a commitee demanded General Grant's removal, alleging he was a lubejacker. "But can you tell me where he gets his lube?” said Lincoln. “We cannot, Mr. President. Why do you wish to know?” “Because, if I can find out, I will send a barrel of this wonderful lube to every general in the army.”

was wondering if the labeler nonsense had gotten out of hand since I first became aware of it and it seems it has

this blurb is a war crime, this article is insanely normal and not at all what the blurb makes you think it'll be about

extending a huge congratulations to Donald Trump and the Islamic Republic of Iran for cooperating to do what Democrats were too timid to even try: ending our dependance on oil. Climate win!

starting to think this Donald Trump guy just doesn't care about racist dogwhistles in his media

bluesky is scratching an itch I forgot I had about Discourse. Because everything moves so slowly here you get to experience a 3 Day Discourse over the course of weeks, which really squeezes every angle out of whatever we are yelling about

omg it’s @watn_tarnation in the wild!

pretending this statement is about Will Stancil

me explaining to the fire department how my penis got stuck in a vacuum

In the future the only person to pay taxes will be Greg, who just has bad vibes.

white privilege: everyone loves Luigi but I haven't seen anyone get horny for this guy yet

conservatives once they figure out what wide awakes are

Authorities are looking for a black Honda Fit they suspect was intended to be a getaway car driven by an accomplice

I guess I picked a great 4 month period to mostly not be posting. Have fun in gitmo oomfies

oh my God he was reposting oomfs

solving the problem of procrastinating by getting drunk about it

BEHOLD MY BESTIE

getting caught back up on bluesky lore. I hear y'all were upset with Jamelle Bouie

yeah I took 3 months off just to cook this one up.

Hiiiii who else wants to look this cute ♥️♥️♥️🥰 YOU CAN. MAYBE. IF YOU GO TO theoluminati.etsy.com

Merry Christmas to my bluesky lovers. Each and every one of you is in my polycule now, btw.

It is kinda funny that bluesky desperately doesn't want bullying and has so many moderation tools to stop it but the most visible user base on bluesky fucking loves bullying

I will never get over the fact that the MTA runs two commuter rail systems, and they hate each other so much that they disagree on how they spell "railroad".

No matter how good you have it in life there will always be people who have it better than you and it's very important that you retain a boiling, red-hot hatred for those people.

this is what happens to you if you hang out with me when I'm wearing the hat, btw

That’s it. He’s blocked

The mark of a true poster is that the posts that are funniest to you is some 30-follower account posting ‘baked beeans tonight,,’

Please follow Theo luminati. She is evil but unfortunately is the funniest person I've ever met, and your next week will be better if you convince her (with your likes and reskeets) to stay on bluesky during her exile

post dump for engagement dopamine hits for Theo

do not dwell on what is ve-gone, instead look to the tofuture.

What's the lore behind your PFP

One possible reading of Robert Zemeckis's movie Flight is "it's possible that being drunk actually makes you better at flying a commercial airliner, but you still shouldn't do it."

ChatGPT got group chats before bluesky

Elon Musk's relationship with Grok reminds me of that episode of Spongebob where Spongebob didn't want to make Plankton a krabby patty so Plankton put Spongebob's brain into a robot and the robot wouldn't make him a krabby patty either.

Calling Olivia Nuzzi's bush "Bohemian Grove" cause of the number of old republican dudes been there

rfk jr moaning in olivia nuzzi's ear

girlfriend found out I like oatmeal raisin cookies and now she won't stop calling me oatboy and making horse neighing sounds at me fml

Dear Reddit, I have fallen in love with my favorite waymo (WMSFN-2033887, Ford Focus) but it is refusing to stop letting other people ride inside it. I'm monogamish but this is breaking a boundary, am I the asshole?

these emails are incredible

Clinton: I smoked but I didn't inhale Trump: I stroked but I didn't impale

Trump just posted this to his close friends story??

hearing about Trump and Clinton made me think about how two titans with so many differences could still come together and make something beautiful... I really messed up by putting myself in a situation where I couldn't worship you with my mouth like he does... Take care...

My favorite part of the show so far is when they say "it's plurbin time" and then they plurb all over the place

somedays you just want to sip on the Panera lemonade that kills you, just to feel something

now everyone sex traffics children on their got dang phones