on a semi-fortnightly basis, theo luminati and i cross paths to exchange one (1) unit of inscrutable post-ironic pedantry. following Standard Operating Procedures, i then retire to my fortress of accounting studies until the next lumination

thrilled and honored to announce that I will not

There is literally a jestergooning Cheeto hitlermaxxing in the white house

I vote democrat in an ironic and subversive way. You probably wouldn’t get it. I think many of you are not on my level of post-ironic detachment. Not that there’s anything wrong with that

I said "ooh I like your gold necklace" one time in front of my friends and they called me "Covetous Smaug" for months

$75 MILLION on the Melania movie. As if buying from amazon wasn’t already sinful. This is where your money is going. To hell

You just know in every instance that man got up to some extremely homosexual shit beforehand and needs to cope republicanly

marriage should only be between a woman with short nails and a woman with a coke nail, as god intended

in left spaces it’s important for us to understand and respect each other as a united working class against capitalist oppression. That’s why I’m blocking and reporting you for your bad opinions about community gardens

this i very clearly the best piece of slop made to date. i have no idea what could possibly dethrone it, and i beg forgiveness for my behavior on that day

This is actually so prescient

banger from @theoluminati.bsky.social

Trading pokemon with @shiningangelx.bsky.social

Dog.

Buddy, I gotta tell you, if I was a GOP representative, my ass would not feel comfortable watching a 15-point swing in a deeply red district ahead of a midterm where the President has been behaving erratically while consistently growing more historically unpopular.

i'd say the midterm-level turnout for a special election is even more ominous than the swing

I was there & I remember this kid. Then after Spacey got exposed the kid went back and bumped the original post. Which was kinda sigma.

the allies should have at least tried calling him gaydolf hitler

Take that Dearborn Michigan, now a bunch of people who couldn’t vote are getting their ass beat by ICE while they try to call their chud maga westernized Trump-voting nazbol arab grandson for help but he doesn’t come because he’s watching Logan Paul

@shiningangelx.bsky.social sorry you lost your representation in the media :/

Playing victim because people hate bigotry is conceptually so funny. Imagine a movement of serial killers like ‘remember, these monsters hate everything we stand for and think we’re bad people just because we like killing. You. Are. Valid.’

They did the meme!

kinda glad my posting compulsion hasn’t stopped after my suspension, I was starting to get scared I was becoming clout hungry. But no. I really am just doing this out of pure love of the game and a bad addiction

He would never say this for Gaza, but interestingly I can’t even picture him saying this about also-white Ukrainians, which leads me to believe he only cares about white Afrikaners because they’re white AND evil

Everything else in this artistic masterpiece aside, what the fuck is a chocolate library cake

That’s it. He’s blocked

The mark of a true poster is that the posts that are funniest to you is some 30-follower account posting ‘baked beeans tonight,,’

[edgy comedian whos secretly a furry into cnc voice] its a dog rape dog world out there

Saying this in 2025 is crazy. That’s so fucking funny. That’s the kind of comedy no one intentionally trying to be funny could ever achieve

HEARTWARMING: local girl never has to see annoying extended family on Thanksgiving despite having a close relationship with parents because both parents hate the rest of their family

post dump for engagement dopamine hits for Theo

graham platner: i believed babies came from a woman's butt for a long time. then i started talking to more and more people. diverse people with different stories, different ideas. ideas i'd been shielded from for a long time because of my privilege. i am *sorry* audience member (crying): thank you

Happy Thanksgiving the nazi website that lets swastikas fly daily banned me for a full week for being just a little too inappropriate for them I guess

(shamelessly stealing @theoluminati.bsky.social ‘s bit with this)

patrick bateman voiceover: Peter is my favorite character. His domestic squabbles with Lois are a pitch perfect send up of the American family. Stewie can talk. Some characters can understand him, while others can't. I have a Google sheet where I track that data point for over 200 Quahog residents.

Wow this is so beautiful. Thank you. I’m holding it in my heart in the way one would hold a basketball

you reposted that guy’s post but you didn’t heart it . are you insane?

mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

They shut down twitter for my birthday because Elon Musk hates me so much and didn’t want me to spend a very special birthday with my small yet incredibly powerful cult. Many such cases. Sad!

It’s my birthday today

i hope this subtweet finds you well

I just know she’s some brony’s human Rarity design. but I can’t prove it

amazing to see how far @theoluminati.bsky.social thought has spread

This is my magnum opus

Spell of putting me on 1100 blocklists

what if we created an entire economy around pump and dumps, fomo, and pyramid schemes. thatd be so cool right