You’ll survive, but you’ll be funnier in a way that worries people

How cold out is it? This cold.

The world is scary and sad RN so please enjoy these tinned potatoes I just found that look like CHEEKS

Introduce yourself with what almost killed you. Hello, I'm medical misogyny.

It's 10 years since Cat Food Letterbox Day! Oh happy day!

This would be amazing. Even a medium year would be OK. Just no more big years for a while. Let me get over the last 20 odd please.

They've got a point

Is it even new years eve if you aren't painting and tiling a bathroom?

My favourite is the Romanian word 'furaje', which sounds very much like 'Farage'. 'Furaje' means 'pigswill'.

Ok Wednesday bin team, how's our time. Also, medicated friends, have you had Tuesdays today? Have you?

Who is putting ketchup on pizza? It's salad cream for cold pizza crust dunking or nothing at all.

But what if my allure just can’t be moderated?

I once accidentally hailed a taxi because I was waving at a dog

Connections only works with an American accent then. *rolls eyes in RP*

Nips a bit

Brigitte Bardot overleed gisteren op 91-jarige leeftijd. Een prachtige diva met een groot dierenhart én een rabiate raciste. “Ik houd sowieso meer van dieren dan van Brigitte Bardot.” ©️ mARTje 29.12.25

Did you get something really *nice* for Christmas? Are you saving it? STOP Eat it. Slather yourself in it. Spray it on a random wfh Tuesday. Use it next time you have a meal. Make up an occasion and use it. Whatever it is don't hoard it until it's near its use by date or too precious.

Butter, Grind and Ohh! Well in that case 2026 started a couple of days ago

Magical.

This year's gingerbread station is... Kennington!!

Fancy dress theme is local legends Leila, WTF have you come as? I'm Sexy HS2 babez

This has legs. I'm betting Approved Food has some 10p advent calendars going that I could buy by the dozen 🤔

Happy Christmas Eve quarterly psych review to all who celebrate. It's not the Christmas tradition TG & I intended to start but we got a Popeyes on the way home so, y'know, not awful. Also Merry Christmas NHS you bloody beautiful beast you. Thanks for another year of keeping TG alive and kicking.

Fine, whatever, this random cat is your new god of the winter solstice

Can’t wait to hear his Frank Spencer impersonation.

Amazing work from whoever was up in N6914W over Ohio … www.flightaware.com/live/flight/...

He writes formulaic pap about the stupid fat smelly poor people and openly treats people vilely. That they kept him so long shows the financial benefit of marketing a famous name over any kind of genuinely wonderful writing.

#AshmoleanAdvent Calendar Day 19 – Starry Sky British artist Eric Ravilious trained as a wood engraver and mural painter at the Royal College of Art. This wood engraving, showing mountains, stars and gems, is an illustration for a collection of epigrams and epitaphs by Martin Armstrong. ⭐ WA.OA979

Bought this book for my two mates’ babies for Christmas and I’m dying.

My newest creation is this fabric art Krampus. I designed and hand-sewed him. I also made his chain and bundle of sticks. He enjoys riding the yule moose through chthonic woodlands. His favorite wintertide treat is eggnog mixed with a bit of human soul. www.patreon.com/jeremycreature

i signed up for this site that helps connect you with volunteer opportunities, and holy shit look what they just sent me

Christ alive is it stuffed with drugs or something?

I heard there was a secret meat With paprika, and spicy heat But you don't really care for sausage Nduja ...sorry, I can delete this. I've just seen a few posts in this format and I wanted in.

It only cost me about 3 quid (yellow sticker queeen) and they're on ebay for 20 now 😭

Realised that her bat 'Terry' that lives in the car must've flown out at some point though so now I need to find a replacement waitrose halloween plush bat for the car before she notices 🦇

Driving back from TG's psych appointment tonight and she wanted the roof off as the cold helps her regulate and there was a christmas laser show nearby and it was like the northern lights when hitting the clouds and now I feel freezing but regulated too so that's nice.

The Oxenham Arms pub in South Zeal, Devon, boasts the unusual distinction of having been constructed by 12th Century monks around a prehistoric standing stone. If you’re lucky and visit at the right time of day, as I did today, you might also see it being recharged with sacred energy by the sun.

A friend from my sew-cial club has been having a downsizing chuck out so I now have decorations and had the big illuminations switch on. What do we think? Too much?

That’s so impractical for murdering chickens in. There will be blood and shit all over it in an instant and it will never look clean again. Should have knitted it in navy. Or left the chickens alone.

The me-who-drives-home has grandiose and honestly unrealistic ideas about what home-me is going to do

God, I love Conan.

O, rose thou art sick The invisible worm That flies through the night in the howling storm, Has found out thy bed of crimson joy And his dark secret love Does thy life destroy

Alphabetti spaghetti is made with spelt flour.

Wow - this guy must be really, REALLY bad with money if an extra £208 per month will “ruin” his retirement. Let’s take a look at his situation based on what he told the @Telegraph Because this does NOT add up! No, this is not a “poor pensioner” scrabbling around for pennies… 🧵1/9

It's that off-centre smaller red circle at the start which gets me. Everything else follows logically and just needs a bit of thought, but that one's indistinguishable from witchcraft.

I keep giggling at this. Didn't even notice the photobomber downstairs until much later.

Fucksake someone's been cutting onions in here again #Beaches

Watched Beaches which was a favourite of my dad's so I knew my sister and stepmum would be watching it too. Stepmum messaged to remind me the last time we watched it was after leaving dad in hospital for the last time, under his instruction to go have a nice meal out and watch a film together.