Why is the entire internet trying to get me to cut up oranges* and bake them** and hang them up in my house*** and saying it's sustainable? You know what's sustainable? The Christmas decorations I already own. Not baked. *international shipping **unnecessary power use ***fruit flies

Oh dear. Doing train puns on the family group chat and I said "don't get your pantographs in a twist" And it does not seem that anyone else knows what a pantograph is, and I only do because I used to work with an academic who was a world expert in them, and this is the curse of the librarian.

Whilst I remember, we ended up with this version of the Illiad and Odyssey: www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/produc... It is just right for age 5. Thank you for everyone's help! I've got got a further list for later, and we're currently looking at one of the more teenage graphic novels from the library.

I bought a massive tin of Swedish biscuits from Costco because I wanted the tin for craft things and because a passing chap said they were amazing. Unfortunately they are amazing. Small, thin, crunchy rounds of, I think, cardamom and cinnamon? Nutmeg? They are amazing.

Getting very very sick of long journeys that end with people who can't drive lurching around the M25 in Defenders like zombies that want to eat Micras and Fiat 500s for breakfast. Plus bikers: my god leave yourself a bit of space. I swear one gave themselves less than a foot of space overtaking me.

Due to some building work we are having to stay at a holiday lodge close to my in laws. I booked the cheapest nearest thing that had enough space for us to have two bedrooms for children storage. Couldn't get a caravan bc couldn't fit cot. Anyway I'm having a sauna in a lodge bigger than my house.

Bring out Alan so Paloma can eat him

OH FUCK #celebritytraitors

@florilegia.bsky.social my phone is super broken and I can't get onto WhatsApp: I aten't ded, pls spread word

My phone is broken!! I only just got the spare charged up! OH MY GOD TRAITORS OH MY GOD

IT'S ALL OVER FOR YOU ALL NOW NO ONE CAN STOP ME

Why is my baby crying? Because he so somehow got one knee on top of a small baby food bowl, and was crawling around the kitchen unable to shake it off like a lopsided stilt artist. Oh and mummy laughed at him when she diagnosed the issue.

May I remind you not to tell anyone about this if they are buying things for the same difficult person*, or you risk shooting yourself in the foot *It's a dad, isn't it. Maybe not yours, but they're all at it

I have just discovered that the RNLI have got an absolutely smashing online shop with a gadgets section that has some great "what to buy for the dad who doesn't want anything" things, lovely hampers, and lots of nice Christmas themed things. shop.rnli.org

@clivecivicwilson.bsky.social hello!!!

A win today: when I paid at The Big Tesco it spat out a voucher which I actually looked at for once. A free pack of Pampers nappies! I'm astounded to learn they're 8 pounds more per pack than the own brand. Really need to start doing cloth again but we were getting so many leaks.

Christmas food delivery slots secure. We're at home this year, we don't do that often so I was right on it when the booking opened at 6am, queued for 45 minutes like it was concert tickets. Luckily* I was already up because the baby has decided that sleep is for the weak. *AAARGH SEND COFFEE

Update: the apple cake was the best cake that the big girl has ever tasted.

I have my Forton Services print (frames beautifully by Gail) looking at me in my living room now. Highly recommend especially if your loved ones like brutalist architecture. Or have fond memories of Preston bus station.

Am I old fashioned or are the rules different in America? I keep seeing this wedding attire approval subreddit and they are constantly recommending completely black dresses to each other. I would absolutely never wear, I was always taught it was Not Done. Am I old? English? Brought up weird?

I made this, but without the almonds on top. And I swapped half the flour for plain because my wholemeal is from a local mill and has serious heft. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

Anyone got any really unusual suggestions for dealing with a glut of cooking and eating apples? I'm going to freeze some for crumble obvs, some apple jelly, I've already done a pear and apple chutney. I'm not equipped for cider making but I could manage most cooking things.

The culprit is called Hey Clay, I highly recommend avoiding.

I am so bloody annoyed. I bought the big girl a clay set for her birthday, we've sat down to do it, and you have to download a blasted app to get the instructions. I don't want her on an arsing app, I want her doing a craft with her actual hands and eyes. And I don't want the app on my phone.

Wow. Shame on the actual people behind the AI dross who have managed to break one of the best things to have come out of the internet. Rip science.

Why do evil people have such poor taste? If I was evil I'd have something very tastefully gothic.

Right. I've finally managed to do the two person halloween costume with a baby of mine. He's a perfect Toby, I'm a middle aged Sarah. Perhaps I got caught in the Labyrinth.

Right. I've finally managed to do the two person halloween costume with a baby of mine. He's a perfect Toby, I'm a middle aged Sarah. Perhaps I got caught in the Labyrinth.

I cannot tell you how annoyed I am at having to pay just shy of a tenner for a half term's worth of school milk for the big girl because she's old in her year and already turned 5.

WHAT THE HELL CONNECTIONS

When in the woods, best beware of dead man's fingers lurking there. Reaching up above the ground, a creepy fungi to be found. Happy Halloween everyone. Photo: Sheringham Park by Rob Coleman

Really interesting breakdown. I also wonder how much extra spending into our economy is being done because people can, eg. get to the garden centre for a coffee. How many NHS appointments aren't missed because someone wasn't reliant on public transport?

Feeding this baby is a right pain. He begs for food when there's food in his mouth, but if you give him more he pulls the mouthful out to make room for the new bit. Swallow, child! It's like having a very ineffective dog.

BBC subtitles just called him Vince Andrew by accident, I'm kind of here for it.

Amid all the fuss, remember that for much of the 1960s and 1970s, "the Spare" Andrew Windsor was just one unfortunate incident away from being the next king. Hopefully, this appalling saga will lead to a proper national debate on our hereditary monarchy. Long, long overdue.

"Dear Sir, Your good name has been bought to my attention as a trustworthy man and a believer in God. I am the son of the late Queen Elizabeth II, ruler of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. My mother left me forty-five million pounds and the city of York but I am unable ..."

I saw Traitors crackers at a garden centre, btw. Turns to a game for 6-10 family and friends who don't yet hate each other but would enjoy levering some cracks open.

There's an American server in this Shake Shack trying very hard to help people at the self service tills in a very warm and welcoming American style. The British are having none of it and looking quite panicked at his cheerful approach.

Wordle 1,593 6/6 ⬛⬛⬛⬛🟨 🟨🟨🟩🟨⬛ ⬛🟩🟩🟩⬛ ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Yes, yes that is what I did

I just donated a tenner to this to allow the Wildlife Trust to buy a massive nature reserve to stop it being broken up www.wildlifetrusts.org/appeals/roth... I know it's not exactly megabucks but if you have £5 or £10 it would help.

5yo: I don't know why none of them in traitors know they they're not really going to be murdered. It's not real! They're not going to die for real life. *dramatic sigh about the state of the world*

I'm not sure what mad alchemy caused this but husband just had to take the Yorkshires out of the oven early because they went mad and rose up too high. Same recipe I always use for the batter, I don't think he did anything different either 🤷🏻

Air fryer Christmas cake. AIRFRYER CHRISTMAS CAKE. Ffs.

Mumming a growing baby has one significant downside. The coffee table. We're currently testing physics to check it always works the same way, so everything and anything on the coffee table is going on the floor. Sometimes chewed first. No delicately arranged nice things for me.

We have just been to a Kpop Demon Hunters party and the perfectly costumed Demon Hunter bore a striking resemblance to Elsa from Arundel at Olivia's party two months ago and Jesse from Toy Story the month before that.

I hate reduced fat dairy. It's not reduced, is it. It's just runnier and less useful. (this post brought to you by cream cheese that isn't and won't stay on the bagel)

Thank you, Cordon Bleu soup cookery book I just spent £1 on at the charity shop. When you said "See Chef's Tip" I was rather expecting instructions for juliening 1lb of beetroot, not a cheerful explanation of what juliening is. If I do ever make this borscht it'll be straight in the food processor.

Feeling a bit smug about some food waste avoidance I just did. My daughter opened a big packet of biscuits and left them not realising they'd go soft. I popped them in the oven after I cooked something else and while it cooled down they crunched back up perfectly.