got some stuff off my chest www.vulture.com/article/penu...

The title of my next book, the 5th in the John Dies at the End series, has been leaked, by me. It will be called, 'THERE ARE NO GIANT CRABS IN THIS NOVEL: A Novel of Giant Crabs' There is a free preview chapter in the paperback edition of I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom.

whenever the sun sets at 4:45 pm i open a window, lean out and yell "WRONG" as loud as i can. that usually buys me another hour or two of sunlight

Internet still fun sometimes.

reposting here bc it’s only on the other site but… 5 years ago, I worked at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

Ani-Moe-tion, Day 7: Gorillaz #simpsons #TheSimpsons #moevember #animoetion

Jack Skellington trying to figure out Christmas but it’s me simply waking up in the morning

"He's actually nice!"

People used to conduct phone calls away from other people and now they don't anymore.

Kaitlin Large is funding an indie movie! I don't vouch for people lightly but Kaitlin is amazing as @danielobrien.bsky.social will readily verify. You may remember her from Kill Me Now or Rom.Com on CRACKED. If you've got the means, check out the v clever pitch! www.indiegogo.com/en/projects/...

I need to know what Bob Hoskins said to Princess Diana in front of Roger Rabbit at the London premiere of WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT (1988).

All books on kindle are unhinged literature if you think of the turning part of a book as the hinge.

Watching Pretty Woman for the first time, this Julia Roberts kiddo is just lethally charming.

Entering the part of the cycle where I drink less water to pee less frequently only to find my ingenuity punished with headaches.

Would it surprise anyone else to learn a new Shane Black movie comes out TOMORROW? www.vulture.com/article/revi...

What's everyone thinking for lunch?

Hi new followers from Behind the Bastards! Here's everything so far. danielobrien.substack.com/p/daniel-obr...

Part Two!

I get that the news cycle is packed right now, but I just heard from a colleague at the Smithsonian that this is fully a GIANT SQUID BEING EATEN BY A SPERM WHALE and it’s possibly the first ever confirmed video according to a friend at NOAA 10 YEAR OLD ME IS LOSING HER MIND (a thread 🧵)

@danielobrien.bsky.social I meant to make this updated GIF ages ago. Congrats on all the congratulatable stuff!

I'm on this week's Behind the Bastards learning about bad cop Pusser and getting distracted by his name for two hours.

The thing is Alfred Molina has been actively acting and actively great for a VERY long time.

Here’s last night’s story about Jimmy Kimmel, the FCC, freedom of speech in the U.S., and why certain broadcast groups could learn a thing or two from Love Island. youtu.be/ohPToBog_-g

least manosphere podcast @sorenbowie.bsky.social @danielobrien.bsky.social

These Harry Potter knockoffs are getting insane

It’s called “chowder” because I don’t understand “chow der heck” you’re supposed to eat it!!

One kinda cute thing about people my age is we love remembering and telling you what number various channels used to be.

Of COURSE I have time for a nearly two hour Simpsons video from @michaelswaim.bsky.social, in fact it’s the only thing that DESERVES time. www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLMc...

Hello 911 my neighbor saw me eating wings standing above the outside garbage can. Can I have witness protection?

They should invent a kind of phone that I don't drop.

I WANT TO MAKE MY FEET DIFFERENT

I would like more quizzes to take, just little quizzes to take and and get scores and do well.

I and ALL OF THE CONSTITUENTS in my voting bloc are TIRED of PISSING.

There are too many apps.

Cullen is the only funny person left.

It should be okay to ask a stranger behind you in line at the grocery store to scratch your back.

last night, at 2:17 am, all the neighborhood pups ran to my house and no one knows why. Except me, the 2:17 Smoocher.

Not the most important thing but we figured out commercial timing 300 years ago & YouTube ad breaks are so bad it almost seems purposeful.

I think there’s value in making a segment of your creative output as unprofitable as you can. There’s so much pressure about turning your hobby into a side-hustle; try making at least some of it un-hustle-able.

*Catch 22 voice* Hey SeBULBA Gettin' kinda pod in here.

No one will ever make a doc about me but if they do I am requesting someone show up with John-Mellencamp-in-Billy-Joel-Doc Energy.

Lots of hyper-specific similarities in Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning and Happy Gilmore 2, not sure what to do with these thoughts.

ITS FLAT FUCK FRIDAY ROLL THE CLIP

HOT BILLY JOEL SUMMER

scar and zazu are the only animals in the pridelands with a british accent, did they go to the same high school

I guess I just don't believe that he would wish another person "Happy Birthday."

FINE I'll rewatch Michael Clayton.

last night i had a dream i was eating a giant marshmallow and when i woke up i just laid there for a while worrying about money

It’s not a bad thing, I’m just saying that at some point we need to have a CONVERSATION about how much Shea Whigham works.