I now pronouns you man/wife.

Congraduations latuates!

Years ago a student snapped this photo of our last class

Sven is short for Sventipede

Under 'medical history', we were hoping for something more specific to you personally. You wrote "Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928".

Butt first, into the universe

If you're looking around the table and every other guy's a fox or a hen then you're the sack of grain

Sending a list of potential experiments to my friend who is expecting twins.

I have acquired a self cooling ice cream maker. Man was not meant to have such power.

i am becoming more and more confident that RFK Jr's plan is to bring back the golden era of serial killers

The thing you gotta understand about me is I'm always concocting. Could be plans or beverages. Might be tinctures. It's always something, though.

They hacked Canvas during finals week. This is why the faculty need a secure ballroom.

Luckily my finals aren't until next week, but I reeeeeeeally hope the Canvas backups are working and can get back online soon.

Women only care about one thing. A beautifully cooked ham they dont have to share. They can eat the whole thing and they dont have to share with anyone. 6lbs of ham just for themself. They can take it in the bath or on the couch and its just theirs, not to share. No one can ask for a single swallow

I’m putting a team together:

I thought Machine Gun Kelly was a Metal Gear character

🦅

Heard a-snufflin' by the bins... THREE HEDGEHOGS

just heard a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. it ruled. can't wait for the next one

This kind of mixed use urban planning is illegal in America

Another moth eclosed, so we took graduation pictures

When it comes right down to it I just want more games that let me explore a magical woodland filled with wondrous flora and fauna.

If this time travel experiment works, I should be able to go from here and now and reappea—

Academics cursing

Hello World, we’d like to introduce ourselves. We the workers of the Magic: The Gathering Arena team have come together to unionize as United Wizards of the Coast - CWA! 🧵 unitedwizardsofthecoast.com/news/announcing-united-wizards-coast-cwa

> SOUP can be combined with BREAD to increase HP gained during REST. > BREAD can be crafted from materials you find during the TRAVEL action, but requires an OVEN > No one knows where SOUP comes from, only that it exists.

The dead squeak! Emperor Small-patine has returned.

Y’all are going to LOVE this one. “T. Kingfisher's upcoming tale of Astarion's early years is part of a new collaboration with Random House Worlds” www.polygon.com/bg3-baldurs-...

GUESS WHO PAINTED ASTARION FOR A T. KINGFISHER NOVEL

I am going to start a show where listeners send me economic questions and I say "Well, it depends..."

going forward I have decided i am going to Write Worse . . . Thank You

Wife saw my tanline and figured out I've been wearing togas again

Hey man, we cool? I just noticed that when I look at you the reticle turns red.

Getting a follow on Mastodon: "Oh cool, someone likes my posts" Getting a follow on Bluesky: "Oh neat, another bot I have to block"

They’ve been holding these charity events for 40 years and yet they still haven’t found a cure for wrestlemania. I’m starting to think the whole thing is a scam

Tiktok and youtube shorts aren't new things rotting our brains. They're just the latest iteration of Americans funniest home videos and that has been rotting our brains for decades

In the cyberpunk future, vampires will decorate their coffins like PC cases and put speakers on them. They will carry them around and challenge people to dance contests for their blood.

the nonbinary rapper who frequently gets misgendered as a man: Mx. Sir-a-Lot

"Balls to the walls" derives from the Old English "Manparts to the ramparts".

One must imagine Sisyphus pregnant

I bet getting its hatch popped feels good for the capsule.

I play one card face down and end my post

Sometimes you can’t think of anything good to write, and that’s a perfectly normal thing a lot of writers struggle with. It just means you committed a great sin and displeased The Lord. It means He has punished you by cutting you off from The Source

Broke: They were roommates Woke: They were lovers Bespoke: They were a Force dyad

Do Klingons have a reverse Pon Farr, where one day they are all overcome by the logical urge to do taxes and arrange flowers?

Is there a way to contact the astronauts on the International Space Station? I want to send them cheesy movies

Pride-maxing. Going hubris-mode. Absolutely better-than-the-gods pilled.

There are some sick names in fiction, but I think the best is still "Murder-the-Gods-and-Topple-Their-Thrones"

I sing a single, beautiful note until everyone stops talking and looks at me. Then I tell them that it's time to leave my house.